He is in AZ we live in CA. She will fly out tomorrow to go and cremate his body and bring him home so we can bury him. He lost his sister in a car accident 2 years ago. I am worried about my friend she is a teacher and we have been friends for 34 years since we were 13. I want to be of comfort to her what can I do.
2006-10-08 17:24:54 · 16 answers · asked by Cheryl M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You've been friends for 34 years; continue to be a friend. Don't ask questions she may be uncomfortable replying to. Just be there when he needs the friendship and comfort, or the shoulder to cry on. The best you can do is be a better listener than a friend. Suggest counseling if you feel that she's not just mourning but falling into a depression, which is understandable under the circumstances. My older brother committed suicide; he was my mother's favorite son, and she found him hanging. It has been now 17 years and she's still grieving. Her religious convictions have helped her cope, alongwith the hope that she will see him again when her time comes to cross over.
If someone suggests to her that he will be punished for his suicde, be there to say that your God is all-knowing and will surely have a place of comfort for someone who was obviously not emotionally well, and that only He knows what is best for us, not any mortal who can only speculate instead of minding his/her business. Protect her from the stupid, insensivitive comments, and from the ignorant people who should just keep quiet.
Good luck and best wishes.
2006-10-08 17:30:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't treat her any differently. That will just remind her of the fact that this happened. However, do see if she ever needs any help.
Also, arrange with her other friends to take turns making her food and helping clean house for a few weeks. It helps a lot to not have to worry about cooking or cleaning while trying to figure out what just happened in your life. My father died unexpectedly when I was 12, and my mom's friends banded together and did this. She is extremely grateful for that to this day.
2006-10-08 17:27:13 · answer #2 · answered by Esma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my brother died two yrs ago of an accidental overdose, i'm not sure if it was intensional or if was an accident and truth is i will never know but what helped me during that time was having my friends there and having them listen while i expressed my feelings about the situation, but not everyone is the same-some people are not ready to talk and just want the process to just go through. so no matter what u do just be there for her
2006-10-08 17:31:58 · answer #3 · answered by RocKsTaR 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hear me now; believe me later; and think about it sometime:
Just make yourself available to her. What I mean by this is just spend time with her doing whatever. Don't wait for her to call; don't necessarily bug her with activities to do together...just be around so whenever she wants to talk, cry, scream, whatever, you are there. Don't advise her on how she should feel; how she should handle it; never tell her that you understand, because you don't...don't tell her you feel sorry for her; don't show her that you feel sorry for her; show her empathy, your best understanding and time.
This sounds fairly simple, but it will be much harder than it sounds. It is human nature to think about what we want to say next whenever someone is talking, FIGHT THIS. Don't do it. Just listen without formulating a response while she is talking.
THis may just be going to her home and being with her during daily activities like dinner and tv watching after work, homework grading whatever. Just do it.
2006-10-08 17:36:54 · answer #4 · answered by Cing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just e tere for her, listen to her and try to understand her. Her knowing you are there will be more than enough. I think in moments like this ones there´s nothing you can say to people to confort them so just be there for whatever she needs. By the way you are a really good friend.
2006-10-08 17:28:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Poor lady, she will need you to listen more than anything, offer to go out to eat or have her over often. Reassure her and hopefully she will go for counseling, that is such a hard thing to deal with I am sure........bless your heart you are a good friend, I hope you find some good advice!
2006-10-08 17:27:50 · answer #6 · answered by ladynamedjane 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just offer what ever u can do for ur best friend...
Be with him....
Support him..
try to make him busy in different things, so that he doesn't recall his son much..
As time is a great healer
As time passes all his sorrow will fade away.
2006-10-08 17:29:54 · answer #7 · answered by just curious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can tell her that even though he si gone from this world, she shouldn't just sulk around. Life still will go on, and she should be moving on. Say that he doesn't want her to be like this if he was still here. Be supportive to your friend, and if she needs help, be there. Respect his death instead of sulking it.
2006-10-08 17:31:46 · answer #8 · answered by Justin L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be the shoulder to cry on and the ear to talk to. All he will want is your support and to know you are there for him
2006-10-08 17:29:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her everything happens for a reason. fate is fate. no one caused it, it just happened. and plus, he is definetly in a better place now. be happy for him! hes still there, just not physically.
2006-10-08 17:27:51 · answer #10 · answered by Me Being Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋