help how do i tell my husband?

Question

ok i love my husband and want to be able to do anything for him. But im going to have to draw the line. In a few months his parents are moving to our state and wanting to stay with us a year. We dont have room for them and his mom and i absoultly can not live together. she is already saying there going to move all my furniture out and put there in the house. Im allgeriac to cats and there bringing theres. And above all they want us to move in the little room with our daughter so they can have our master bedroom please help me how do i tell my husband NO after he aldready told his parents YES??!!

i just want to add the reason this is so hard for me is i dont want to come across as a b**** to his parents

he did ask i just never answered

Answer 1

Tell him that you are very upset that he made such a huge decision without talking to you about it. Also, remind him of how much you love the life you two have built together, and you feel that your mother in law is wanting to disrupt it by moving out all of your belongings and replacing them with hers.

Make sure your husband knows just how allergic you are to cats! Tell him you will be sick all the time if they live with you, and that that will just make everything worse.

They CANNOT have your bedroom. That is unfair to both you and your daughter. Tell him that you think an important part of maintaining a healthy parent/child relationship is giving one another space, and that moving your lives into your child's room will make things worse.

If all else fails, tell him that them moving in for a year would mean no sex for a year. You would have no place to do it since you would be sharing a room with your daughter, and there would always be someone around to interrupt!

Answer 2

I understand that your husband wants to do all he can for his parents. I think he is a very good son for doing so. But..... your his wife now and any big decisions in a marriage should be made jointly. He should have never left you out of this decison. It was wrong. I can tell you right now, this is NOT going to work for long. You already resent the fact that they are coming, that you have to move out of your OWN bedroom and then theres the cat. Wow, this is just too much. There needs to be different arrangements made because if they aren't, this is going to put a huge burden on your marriage. It's already started and they haven't arrived yet. I really don't see how his parents could even think of moving in, taking your room and brining a cat when you are allergic. You need to tell your husband he needs to call them and tell them that this is NOT going to work. They need to rent a small apt. for a year, NOT live with you. If he doesn't agree with this, I'm afraid your life will never be as you once knew it, nor your marriage. Sorry for you really.

Answer 3

Tell him how you feel, just explain this to him as you did here. ALSO.... give a few suggestions on how to live with his mother better. You should never have to give up your master bedroom for anyone longer than a day or two. Suggest to your husband that you two are not gonna have as much "alone time" without your master bedroom. Ask him why he would agree to something so huge without talking to you about it first.

Maybe tell your mother-in-law that she is allow to arrange your furniture w/o replacing them. that way she feels more like home but you still have your stuff.

Maybe find them a place to live. Look around, have a few places in mind before telling your husband. That way you've something to offer them for leaving.

If they ever move in, you should make a pact to your husband that you two will talk every night before bed or something. Talk to him, say something positive that happened between you and his mother, and then something negative. Always end positive. You gotta state something you will do to make your relationship better with her and demand that she change too.

Answer 4

Although they are his parents, he has to realize that you and your daughter are his family now and he needs to look out for your best interests. He should know the deal with the cat and your relationship with his mother and he needs to tell them that you both will do the best you can to find a place for them close by, but that you really don't have the room for them at your place, he needs to tell them that they will probably be happier in a place of their own, as they are used to living with each other, no children around on an everyday basis. If he does not stand up to them on this, you can pretty much guess what the next year is going to be like, no say in your own home.........

Answer 5

You need to discuss this with your husband. Point out that there are two of you in the marriage and it's your home as well as his. Ask him how his mother would feel, if you said you were going to take over her house? If he says it's not the same, tell him it's EXACTLY the same.

Point out that as you're allergic to cats, you will have to move out, so he'd better start finding an apartment for you to stay in while he's sharing the house with his parents. That might wake him up!

Answer 6

WHO'S house is this anyway? Are they paying the mortgage? What kind of people are these to demand the master bedroom in their son's home?

Well, MOM in law is on YOUR turf, right. What you say is supposed to go in YOUR home, right? If they are not paying rent, they are your guests. While welcome guests are easy to accommodate for a few days. Unwelcome guests need to know their place. That is the back of the line.

You sit your husband down after a good hearty dinner and say, "Honey, we need to talk about this in laws moving in situation. We don't have room for them here. How are we supposed to manage in OUR home moving into our daughter's room for A YEAR? Might you suggest to your parents to RENT an apartment or buy a home close by?

I'd simply say, "we can't do it for a year. we can help you find a rental until you get something permanent set up."

Take the bull by the horns on this one and quick... Your husband is being ridiculous.

Answer 7

Oh my God! Is this a real story? I feel like it's just another horror scene from a movie. Your in-laws moving in with you and looks like they want to take over everything. The question is, why do they want to move out from their place? Hmmm...first of all make him a nice dinner. Cook his favourite food. After dinner..during desert then have a slow talk with him. Tell him that you love him so much and you think that it's not a good idea that his parents want to move in with you guys. Just let him know what are the complication you might have when they move in. Like the cats, no room for them etc..tell him maybe his parents are not comfortable to live in a small house with no room for them and their furnitures. Suggest to him to rent a small house for them nearby (maybe he can split the rental with them). But when you talk to your husband, you have to make it like the concern is them but not you. Like they might not comfortable or find it difficult to adjust to your way,etc...
I know this is a very difficult situation as you don't want to hurt anybody's feeling. Hope this can help a you a bit.
Good Luck!

Answer 8

Uhhhh........what? I think that something is really wrong here! Why would he tell his parents that it was ok to stay before he even asked you? And to give them your room? It makes no sense to me at all. If my husband did this I would be out like a bat out of hell! His parents though, his father is dead, ad his mother lives in another country. I would agree to let them stay a month or two, but not an entire year. It sounds like they want to take ovr your entire home. Sit with your husband tonight and tell him like it is, give him an ultimatum and stick to it. He will keep doing these types of things if you don't!! I mean you are allergic to cats and if he cared one iota for you he would tell his parents that they can not bring them there because you are allergic to them. Does he really need his parents that badly? I thought he was grown up and married living on his own, what happened to that? Good luck!

Answer 9

ok-- is he a mamma's boy?? look - you really need to tell him - It is a crazy idea-- you should tell him you would have preferred him talking this over with you first before giving his parents the go ahead on moving in-- it is your home too and the affects of all this rearranging things isn't good for your child as well as for you and your health because of the cats--
you could set conditions- like if they move in it must be under the following conditions-

1. Cats must be kept at an animal hotel or kennel during their stay at thier expense
2. your furniture stays and theirs goes in a storage facility at their expense
3. you keep your room and your child keeps her room and they can purchase a inflatable bed or such to sleep on while they are there

Good luck- and next time tell hubby to respect you alittle more- and talk this over with you being that so many changes are being proposed that affect you and your daughter- his family too.

Answer 10

You need to put your foot down NOW. Give your husband an ultimatum, You or them. If he chooses them then move out and get child support and spousal support. The will take over your home if you let any more time pass before saying something. One year is way too long for any guests. Plus you are allergic to cats, you should be completely comfortable in your own home.
Good Luck!!!