I have social anxiety disorder but only when it comes to being around other women. Details inside Help! please

Question

Im a very fragile sweet kind of girl and I am overly nice to people at times but I have had so much pain in my life and things that I cant discuss has caused me to be weary of meeting new people "especially other women." I put myself inside this shell. maybe out of fear of being hurt or being judged constantly. Im very lonely. I have friends but have no close friends. Im very cautious about who I trust with my heart, because Ive had to deal with so much pain. I really want to make some good friends who are female, I have this sort of friend now who I have known for almost a year and I still get nervous when I go over to her house with my husband. I stutter and I act like Im a ditz basically... Like I have mental problems... I find it hard to talk to or open up to another woman. I feel like I need this, that I really need a girl that I can open up to and become great friends with but I cant get past my shell. I cant get past the fears I have and I feel like they take over me when I ta

talk to them I end up looking like an idiot, and I always feel like everything I say or do will be judged by them... I really need to get past this, is there anyone out there who can give me some advice on how to do this, or some encouragement. I could really use some help

Answer 1

I will guess you are in your 20's. I work in the Mental Health field. I can promise you that you are very normal.You seem to have a social anxiety issue.I am thinking that it is related to {maybe}a problem with how you feel about females. I also think{maybe} your childhood and or young adulthood had some serrious things that happen and you would love to be like other ladies and have girlfriends to gossip with and shop with and to be able to call when you are lonely,like now.We all need someone,just one person that we can trust to tell our secrets to and that they would never tell anyone no matter how mad they ever were at us. BUT it is not very fair that some people have so much and others donot.I will pray for you and wish you only the best life has to give,you will meet the right lady ,very soon. Try to choose a lady of your choise not your husbands friends wife. The truth be known she is uncomfortable too.Those choises are you alls spouses not yours. Good Luck...... squirlyShirley1

Answer 2

First of all I want to tell you you're certainly not alone! I'm a fellow Midwesterner too, 22 years old and just leaving college as well. I've also dealt with social anxiety disorder too. I've been in therapy and on anti-depressants for a little over a year. Before I started, I was always against "shrinks" and meds but it's really helped calm me down. And now I'm even started to lower my dosage and trying to get off the pills. As bad as this may seem, sometimes it's good to get away once and a while. This new job could be just the thing for you. It seems like you've been closeted because you're afraid to be yourself. A lot of the Midwest is very old-fashioned and isn't an accepting place for gays. I've been closeted for a long time and still am partially closeted. My friends at college know I'm gay but I'm still afraid to face my friends and family back in my hometown since I know they won't understand. But I'm not a child anymore, it's my life and this is who I am. I can't change the fact I'm gay. Really, I think the first step you need to do is accept the fact you're gay. I get where your loneliness and self doubt is coming from. It took me years to get over it. It helped once I learned I can't change anything. Also, talking with my therapist or even people online (such as Yahoo answers) really helped since I'm obviously not talking with my closest friends and family about it. Actually, online gay and lesbian forums may be better for you to relate since my therapist isn't gay and didn't know first-hand what I was going through. Hell of a lot cheaper too ;) Be sure to give yourself a chance. I know that social anxiety disorders does create a inferiority complex within yourself and I can sense that from your post. I'll admit I'm guilty of it too. But I don't even know you and I can tell you're a good guy just from reading what you wrote. I'm sure others will see the same thing too :) Feel free to email me if there's anything you ever want to talk about.

Answer 3

You're not alone in this. At times I feel uncomfortable when like I'm at a club and there's a lot of people around especially females and I feel like I'm getting talked about because if I am I will probably end up fighting. But it's not as severe as your situation. I don't know your life or lifestyle but you need some counseling. Group therapy helps because there are people like you that go through the same thing and it will help you get out of your shell. It almost sounds like you have a panic attack of some sort too. There maybe something underlying or it could be on top of the surface. But you can go to your local community mental health provider and see what they can do for you. You can get medication but I wouldn't do that until all your resources are exhausted.

Answer 4

I think you need to trust women a lil more, yeah some are back-stabing but not all of them, that friend you mentioned would be a good start,if you've known her for a year then she has to be a good friend right? well i would just start talking to her about whats bothering you, open up to her and let her in on your feelings. If she knows whats going on inside of you then she won't think your weird or and idiot. Don't be scared to open up again good things happen to good people and you sound like you're a nice person that has gone through a lot in your life and there's something better out there for you.

Answer 5

Sounds like your defence mechanism starts to rattle because you have held on tightly to the past experiences whatever they may be. So, instead of letting this little thing lead you around on a leach for the rest of your life, get up off the floor and claim your life; your strength; your independence and the handful of good friends that are waiting to be discovered! This will only happen when you get out there and get your groove girlfriend!! Idiots come with either sex-organs( some got both). At this moment, I am listening to 'Borderline' by Madonna. I picture you dancing,, being all woman.. and guess what!! a couple of girlfriends with you and you all are dancing singing and laughing!! Shake it girl!!!

Answer 6

First, I don't blame you women are viscious...and if you were a lesbian this would be one hell of a problem. Basically, when it comes to having close girl friends...it is not really a necessity...girls can be more brutal than guys. The best friends to have are guys...they are just like having girl friends except for they become like brothers to you and they take care of you if something happens to you. I injured my back and was on bedrest for almost 6 months...my girl friends didn't even call ...but my guy friends bought me new movies all the time, brought me a vcr because i didn't have one so I could watch my vhs tapes that I had previously, they made me dinner and took me out of the house so that I didn't have to stay inside and be totally bored out of my mind. They were my saviors through my hard times. So my solution to this is dont worry about what gender your friends are...just have friends...

Answer 7

i know how you feel, I'm the same way. Its almost not worth it to meet new people, trust is hard to come by these days. Your a pretty girl so you shouldn't have a hard time attracting new people, but try not let your personality scare them off, theres nothing wrong with being a little shy or or jittery. Try to take a deep breath, or drink a beer just one it'll calm you down. That's what i do, it seems to work.

Answer 8

To overcome your fears is to face them upfront. You said you go over her house with your husband but do you visit her without your husband. Pain is apart of life. In life you have to pray and ask God to help you change the things you can change. Learn to accept the things you can not change. We as humans were meant to have battles in life. Sometimes are actions make them out to be wars. Attempt to do girl things. A real friend accepts you for who you are. A fake friend appears to be your friend on the outside but goes behind your back. It is okay to have friends and associates. Your associates is just socializing and not sharing intimate secrets. Good Luck with your disorder!

Answer 9

Hi there, I just laugh about my past 3 years of panic now. I was not able to go anywhere without carrying xanax. Fear of having another attack was the most important subject of my days.When i first found joe barry's web site i started to cry because of my happiness.

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Answer 10

I feel ya Hun..I was almost the same way..the reason u feel that way is because women r sometimes very untrustworthy..if it makes it easier if u like her just like her..u don't have to share urself w/ someone if ur not comfortable..give urself a break if u have had problems w/ women before then ur just going to have to ease urself back into a friendship..trust in someone is earned and if u don't feel like they have earned it from u don't make urself vulnerable..u will definitely know when to share..and until then DON'T..Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!