we met in our work here abroad, before we start our intimate relationship i knew his situation, i really love my boyfriend, and he too... his relationship with his wife doesnt work, but he dont want to leave her because of his kids he dont want to grow up his kids with a broken family thats why he still consider that woman as his wife, i ask him if he love me and he said "yes... but i cant give what you want coz im married"
i dont know what to do! i am now in a middle of pain and sacrifice i love him and i can accept his kids but he dont want to leave his family, i ask him what his plan for me, he said: " I dont know too the important is we are happy and we love each other"
i dont want to be a mistress forever... i known the decision is up to me iam the one who can choose my choices...but its hard to do i dont want to hurt him and i dont want to hurt myself..
2006-10-08 16:15:45 · 15 answers · asked by cutie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It sounds like you're confused about what to do, which is why you're writing here. You're setting yourself up for future pain by being in a no win situation. You must remember that--you're the one who cannot win and you will take his family along for the ride. There are so many opportunities in the world--why would you allow yourself to stay in one that has no future? I know that advice is easy to give, and who am I, a stranger, to tell you what to do? But I can tell say with all honesty, that you will find a relationship that can work, that has a future, and can bring you real happiness, if you allow it to happen. It will be painful at first, and you will not be happy, but it isn't real pain--it's the illusion of happiness that you cannot possibly have in a hopeless situation. Let the illusion go and choose happiness. Be alone for a while, but know it's only for a while.
2006-10-08 16:34:23 · answer #1 · answered by heyrobo 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't want to hurt him or yourself. You hurt yourself when you entered into a relationship with a married man in the first place. And what about his wife and his kids? I think he does still love her. He could have left her a long time ago IF he thought you were worth it. I can't believe you believed that "I don't want to leave my kids" excuse. It may be true, but many divorced men today have shared custody of the children. Fathers have parental rights just like mothers. If his wife knew about this relationship, it might kill her. She most likely loves that man with all her mind, body, and soul. You've only been thinking about yourself and him. If it were my hubby, you would be in BIG trouble and so would he. Knowing me, I would not put my hands on you though--I'd just give you a piece of mind and try to choke back all the tears. I'd just let God handle you and him--He can do it way better than I can anyhow. And you should know that if he'll cheat on his wife, he will cheat on you too. Don't think you're that special sweetheart. Dont think for a minute that you must have something she don't have so you will be able to hold on to him and he wont stray. Many women like you, "Home Wreckers," have had to learn this lesson. The only thing you are sacrificing is your dignity while you settle for a MARRIED man who does not intend on leaving his wife for whatever reasons/excuses he tells you. Im going to pray for you. First, that you open your heart. Second, for Him to have mercy on your soul. I know there's a kind, good spirit inside of you. Last, that you get blessed with some wisdom. He said that the important thing is that you're happy and that you love each other. Are you happy...with sharing him as he goes back and forth from his wife to you? Yuck. Finally, Are you happy with having a love that you can NOT call your own?
2006-10-08 23:48:57 · answer #2 · answered by Christa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The wife will be hurt when she finds out,he will be hurt when he doesn't get to be the big player and you will be hurt when you finally realize he will never change his mind and poor you ,all you'll ever get are sloppy seconds. We only go around once in this life don't you think you deserve better than what you have?He sounds like the type that if it wasn't his kids he'd have some other excuse.Take some time by yourself and search your heart.He needs to go home and you need an Unmarried man of your own.
2006-10-08 23:47:03 · answer #3 · answered by jean 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think the only reason he won't leave his wife is because of him not wanting to break up his family is the reason he hasn't left her, you're so blinded. If he doesn't care to cheat on his wife, the woman he shares kids with, don't you think he'll do the same to you? It sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. You need to find some self respect if not for yourself then think of those kids, that's their daddy. And they love their mom. And unless you're a fly on the wall you have no idea what their relationship is like. Why not find your own man instead of someone else's?
2006-10-08 23:32:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
think about this , he is not worried about hurting u , think about it he knows u r there to eat his crap think about it he is TELLING YOU that u r happy, if he cared he would know that what he is putting u through is very wrong,ask him how would he feel if the shoe was on the other foot or ask him how would he feel if his mother was the other woman getting treated the way u do, im pretty sure he will feel different if his mother was a mistress or his daughter were someones mistress , but yeah its all on u i hope u dont like second place 2 much if u dont u need 2 tell him , that u matter more than just someones second option.
2006-10-08 23:23:42 · answer #5 · answered by q45dip 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There will always be a reason why he won't leave his wife. Honey, you are his mistress. He has the best of both worlds. He doesn't seem to be worried about hurting you. And trust me, once you are gone, he will find a replacement mistress. And think of this.... if he DID leave his wife for you... would you trust him? I mean, he cheated on her with you... what's to stop him from cheating on you with someone else? Stop hurting yourself and stop seeing him. Get actively involved in something that takes your mind off of him... and say no to this guy. It will hurt for a while. But in the long run, you will find your self-esteem grows. I hope you find a SINGLE man that treats you with respect and dignity and isn't afraid to make his love for you public.
2006-10-08 23:26:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not complicated at all.
He's married. he has kids. he's a pig to even be talking to you. Lucky for you.. he's her problem not yours.
Solution: Get the hell out of it and find a man who doesn't already belong to someone else. there are SINGLE men out there.. I promise. I found one.. and married him.
You can do the same if you start respecting the institution of marriage and stop boinking married men.
Because no matter what you think of her... his kids do NOT deserve this.. and they will hate you for it. That'll make for fun holidays.. unless you just make him cut them out completely.. in which case you'd be as much of a morally bankrupt waste of air as his cheating behind is.
By the way... the translation for his "plans" with you is: screw you until he becomes bored. Then find a new plaything. But He'll never leave the mother of his children.
Men like him have what is known as a "Madonna/Whore" complex. Their children's mothers are the "Madonna"... lifegiving and sacred. They sometimes have trouble relating to them sedxually because they feel like making the mouth that kisses their baby to sleep suck them off is just wrong.
So.. they find "whores". Women they don't mind giving a pearl necklace to.. but who they'd never entrust their children to.
It's stupid, ignorant, and messy... and you'd do better to find someone without so much baggage.
2006-10-08 23:37:34 · answer #7 · answered by TruthTeller 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom dated a married man for 7 years and he had the same story. Its sad because I did it too. They never leave their wifes. If you want to waste time continue wasting your life, hurt heals.
2006-10-08 23:27:53 · answer #8 · answered by Mochica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
jesus christ, get a grip on yourself.
the guy is a cheating a hole.
he likes the p ussy and the price (free)
he will never leave his wife and you will be a mistress as long as you stick around.
2006-10-09 09:39:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont waste your time with this man. Move on.
2006-10-08 23:29:41 · answer #10 · answered by Lady Luck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋