How can I get my husband to understand??

Question

I have been married for 3 years and I am getting close to the end. I try to talk to him about the way he treats me. He says that it is ok to hit me and call me the worst of names. I tell him that i want to leave, but he keeps making me feel like everything is my fault and that i would be stupied to leave. All we do is fight. Is there anyway to get him to see what he is doing is wrong? How can I make him see that if it does not change that it is over? If I say something about this to him he just blows it off and gets mad at me for even bringing it up.

Answer 1

He is the one with problems and he will never understand you side (certainly not without professional help). For you own sake, leave him. You need to watch out for your well-being and take care of yourself.

Answer 2

First of all u need to realize, that he is the one with the sickness not you, and untill he gets help for that sickness he will never be normal or treat u normal.. he is a control freak , that only feels better about himself by hurting u and belittling u, it is not ok for him to treat u this way, u are not stupid, u have not brought this on, that is his way of playing mind games with u to get u to stay so he can continue to treat u this way.. it will not stop. it will only get worse as im sure u can see that the way he is today is not the same he was say 2 years ago, it only got worse and worse, and it will only continue to get worse.. You cant say or do anything by yourself to get him to see what he's doing is wrong, he doesnt respect u, nor do u intimidate him, so he will not listen to anything u say.. he will only get angry or laugh at u for suggesting such a thing and hammer u with the thoughts that its your fault or that your stupid, or that u deserve this.. I KNOW IVE BEEN WHERE U ARE...

Sweetie, realize that ur stronger then him, emotionally u can fight this, mentally ur stronger then he'll every be, the only thing he has on u is physical strength, u need to fight back before u lose yourself completely.. and that means using ur brain.. u need to go to the nearest battered womens shelter (THAT DOESNT MEAN U HAVE TO STAY THERE) just go, they will help u get a "Family protection order" from the courts..HE will have to leave the home.. for some time and can be arrested for coming with in close range to u.. its a restraining order.. You tell the courts you want him to have to take anger management classes and that u want him to seek therapy.. (thats the only way he'll get help is if it is court mandated that he has to) Even if u pack up and leave which i believe u need to do.. u dont want someone else going through this so force the issue of him getting help for his problems, because u cant get him to change on ur own..and he's not going to wake up one day and miraculously change into someone else.. and the longer u stay the more and more he will crush u down mentally till ur nothing but a walking zombie.. Its really time to go.. and u can do it.. u just need to find that small speck with in u that still knows u can do it, that ur more capable then you give urself credit for.. and go "live" again.. cause right now ur dying a slow , miserable death.. ur walking around with a fake smile on ur face, making people think that everything is fine, and on the inside u feel like an empty shell and ur screaming for help.. yet no one can hear u or feel ur pain.. if u love him, u'll make him get help.. and if u love urself.. u'll run as fast as u can..

Answer 3

Hello. First off i want say that it wll never change. I know from personel exp. A man that hits a woman and degrades her is not a man. Most men like that need someone that they can control and make them who they want them to be. You have to take the right steps in getting away from the situation that you are in and soon. I know that it will be hard for you, as was me also. But you must stand up and look at the big picture...Do you want to live like that the rest of your life , or live the rest of your life living your life the way that you want, and being happy. There are many steps that you can take to make sure that you get out and stay out. Most places have centers for abused women, and you should contact your local social servises agency, they can help. When you leave take only what you need. And do it while he is gone. And when he is trying to make you feel lower than low, just say to yourself that you are better than that, and belive it. Goodluck hun and take care of yourself now , dont wait, you could wait too long and he really blow up and you could be killed. That would be awful.

Answer 4

If he is hitting you, you need to get out of this relationship.

This guy is a classic abuser. He wants total power over you. He does that (a) by hitting you, to make you fearful of him, and (b) by putting you down. If he can make you think it's YOUR fault that the relationship is going wrong, then you'll start to think you are no good at relationships, and he's the best you can hope for.

WRONG! You are worth way better than him. He is a manipulator and a liar. There is no way you can get through to him. Once a wife beater, always a wife beater.

Don't warn him you are going to leave. Find yourself somewhere to stay, and get out while he's out of the house. Leave him a note but don't tell him where you're going.

Answer 5

All I could suggest you guys is to sit and dicuss the problems/issues between two of you only. Please never point fingers upon each other despite knowing that whose fault it was... it will always lead to fights and tensions. Just talk, dicuss and resolve the issues amicably. If he's not ready to listen then try some other time when he's in a good mood... Its very important in a successful marriage to reconcile without getting hurt or hurting your partner.. Remember you both have to make a happy home and a happy family. To do that avoid confrontations and resolve all your issues in a friendly amicable way. Hope this information will help you guys to talk about the issues and resolve them in the best possible manner... I shall pray that you both stay together and make a BEST family. Amen!

Answer 6

He is not going to understand or change. Its not your fault and don't sound like a very good situation to live in. If you have been trying to talk to him and still no changes best to make your own changes and leave. You need to start thinking about this get somewhere to live then get someone to help one day while he is gone to work and load all your stuff up and go. Do you think he would understand when he comes home to a empty house.
Better do it fast before someone gets hurt.
Good luck!

Answer 7

Get him at his 'best' moment, when he is relaxed and you both are not argueing. Then in a non-defensive way, address some of the concerns you have been having, WITHOUT blaming anyone ( you and him). Share the facts - like we've been both .... fighting, calling each other..... etc. Share the obvious and let him share his views. If this fails, may be try to have a mediator involved (neutral person who won't take sides) someone like a counsellor or chaplain... May be also discuss about both of your past hurts, which could be deterrents to the blossomming of love in your relationship. All the best!

Answer 8

Randi, he will never understand. You need to leave. You are being abused, and what your husband is doing to you is also a crime. He tells you everything is your fault so that you won't leave, because if you do leave, then he won't have anyone to hit anymore, will he?

Get out now. If you are afraid of him trying to stop you from leaving, you need to call the police and ask them for help. They will help you get to a shelter or to a relative's house. This man is destroying your self-esteem and your self-confidence on purpose. Remember, if you leave he won't have anyone to hit or verbally abuse anymore, and so he wants you to stay.

Get out. You don't deserve that. Trust me, there are many kind, loving men in this world who will treat you with respect. Don't let your husband think this is what marriage is supposed to be like. It isn't.

Answer 9

This PIG is never going to understand and that's exactly what he is for abusing you!!! Don't take this sh*t from him. LEAVE, you don't deserve it and no matter what you say to him, you will be at fault. He wants you to think that so he can continue to abuse you. I saw this all to well with my father. He would go out and see other women, while my mother was home taking care of 6 kids. But when he got home he would accuse HER of sleeping with another man!!!!!!!!!! Your husband is going to continue to blame you so he won't have to take the blame for his own behavior. Don't even try talking to him, make your plan and leave him a note and get the hell out of there. No, your not stupid for leaving, its the smartest thing you will have done in your life!

Answer 10

I know you will get alot of responses to that but I hope you listen and take what I'm telling you serious .OK rule one he should have never hit you the first time ,and a abuser aways turns it around on you to make them feel better .a abuser will not stop ,and if he dint take the credit for the abuse you are wasting your time .OK now my baby sister was with a hitter and a man just like this, now she is dead ,beaten and burned to death ,No woman should be mistreated .Im with a man that has never hit me or called me names we get mad at each other, but still show respect .please leave him .you will see if he is doing this, he dont love you and most likely is a cheater .im sorry if I seem rough but I dont like men that abuse women .do you ever stand up in his face and say if you plan to hit me ever again you best call 911 because you will need it .please leave he is not worth the sadness i know you go thru and not to even mention your fear .I want to here from you if you just need to talk my email is [e-mail] write if you need to talk .Praying for you .

Answer 11

The best thing for you to do is to show him better than you can tell him...just get up and leave him. I am a man that have a daughter and I do not condone men hitting women or calling them bad names. Just leave. You deserve much better. It is not your fault so do not even begin to think it is your fault. Just leave.