im 19 and got married 2 years ago when i was 17. i was 17 and he was 23. my parent didint like him but i was so blinded by love that i moved away from all my parents and friends as my fiance belived they were brainwashing me in to hating him. we moved in to a tiny flat in which we still live. he has a child from an old girlfriend from when he was 20. he says that i should be a traditional wife and that successful women just turn men off.i was smart at school but now feel i cant get a job as it will annoy him. when he gets in from work he likes his dinner on the table, and me to have scrubbed the whole flat. if he wants sex then i have to give it to him. i feel so lonely cooped up in the flat all day with no friends and none to talk too.. he demands that i serve him breakfast in bed. he also demands that i look my best for him and will not go out in public unless i have full make up on.meeting 1 of my old friends she thinks im living like a slave shall i divorce him and move home?
2006-10-08 14:50:51 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
SHOW HIM WHO YOU ARE
2006-10-08 14:52:30 · answer #1 · answered by chuco 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe me when I say: "I know how you feel", I got married very young against everybody who told us not to because of our age, but we didn't listen, we thought we were in love.. and perhaps at that time We were but seven years later I got divorce, during my marriage I felt the same way as you are feeling now, traped, feeling like you are the maid, that none of your dreams and goals are important to your husband. See, marriage is a bid deal, is about making the other happy, is about caring and helping each other achieved all your dreams, but...some men or women forget along the way why they got married in the fist place, seems like your husband has. I am not going to tell you to divorce him and leave him without first trying to fix your marriage, sometimes men need a little reminder of what he has forgotten, in this case you should tell him how you feel, how much this is hurting you, and how can he help you achieve your dreams, because they are important too. See, he should not demand anything from you, instead he should thank you for all what you do around the house, but may be you could tell him what you need him to do. You deserve to be treatead with respect, as all the woman who care for a family, who wake up every morning to cook, clean, wash, work, and do all the vauable things around the house. Good luck, and if he decides he deserves all what you do for him, well, you go away and leave, because men who don't appreciate a good woman when they have them infront of them will never change.
2006-10-08 15:28:56 · answer #2 · answered by fun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is dangerous. Don't wait to find out why. Grab up as much money as you can .. and what you can drive away with .. don't tell him about it ahead of time .. don't say a thing. Make a private phone call to your family back home if you can be sure that he won't over hear you .. and get the hell out of there. Don't even mention divorce to him .. don't say anything at all .. just act normal .. grab your stuff and go . I'm not kidding. Good Luck to you ! Whatever you do . DO NOT leave him a note as to where you are headed.
2006-10-08 14:55:21 · answer #3 · answered by tysavage2001 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Married life is not a bowl of peaches and cream as most would like to make it out to be. It takes work from both parts at a young age.
The best thing for you to do is pack your stuff that you want to take call mom and dad tell them you have come to realize you have made one major mistake in your life could you move back home till you get everything situated.
Bet they will take you back with open arms.The sooner the better. It's not going to get better so move on. You are not to young you just married a sick bas**rd.
Just remember not all men are like this. Move on and be happy ever after
2006-10-08 16:08:56 · answer #4 · answered by canuticklemepink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES, if there are no children, at least born, get out. This is no place to raise a child. You are a child yourself, no disrespect, but you have had many caring individuals already tell you what they would do.
Divorce is not something to take lightly, but when your health and well being is in jeopardy, that is just cause to leave and divorce.
Seek a social service support group and report the abusive nature of your mate. Remember it is generally not a good idea to return to him if you leave.
Do it for all the right reasons. Make yourself a list of what you loved about him or why you married him. Weigh that against how he is now and have you suggested counseling?
Do not, I repeat DO NOT tell him yourself that counseling would help, if you feel that would put you in jeopardy. Suggest it to a friend that you feel can express a concern they have about "your relationship" and see what kind of reaction he has, and do not let it be known you initiated this inquiry.
His reaction will be more revealing and you will see if there is any chance he will seek help for his family.
Be pro-active in your dealings with him and not re-active.
I am a man I lived with a woman who abused me and her children. We are now divorced and can speak with some authority that it is not easy to resolve these kinds of issues.
Remember what Love is and is not. Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
Take care and be well my thoughts are with you little one.
2006-10-08 15:52:26 · answer #5 · answered by 10critters 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You probably did marry too young, but the thing I would be most worried about is that he has isolated you from friends and family, and is controlling you.
If I were in your position, and thank goodness I'm not, I would be trying to get things ready to leave him. I have a feeling he would not be too happy about that, so I would make plans - pack a bag, talk to a Women's shelter in your community, maybe talk to your family about moving back home.
If you do not get out, or if he does not change dramatically, you are facing another 40 or 50 years of marriage to him, and by then your self-esteem and self-confidence will be totally destroyed.
Good Luck my dear, I hope the situation works out for you.
2006-10-08 14:58:34 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just married the wrong person. Anyone can get blinded by love. You did not get to know him well enough to ask how was he going to treat you while you are married. Go ahead and get divorced. Everyone makes mistakes and the best lessons are ones that we learn from personal experience. It does not matter if your parents didn't like him, but if he is not treating you like you should be treated then you need to leave. If he can not let you continue to develop yourself and to let you become a better person than you are not with the right one. If he can not except you how you are with or without makeup than you are with the wrong one.
2006-10-08 15:06:35 · answer #7 · answered by Still_21_nheart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not going to tell you to divorce him, but you really need to understand this man is controlling you. Love has nothing to do with what he is doing. I left my first husband due to kind of the same thing. You need to understand that he needs you and he wants you to believe that you need him. Wake up and realize that he is dangerous. It's not normal for a man to want to keep in away from family and friends. If he hasn't started beating you yet, it's coming soon. Get out of there as fast as you can and make sure you don't tell him where you are going. Good luck.
2006-10-09 06:37:50 · answer #8 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you need to move back home ASAP. Your husband is a control freak and it's not going to get any better. Best thing for you to do is to make a plan first, leave a note and go. I'm afraid he may hurt you if you tell him you want a divorce. He accused your family and friends of brainwashing you to take the guilt of HIM brainwashing you. This is exactly what he is doing to you. Please, get out of this marriage before it destroys you completely. You DO NOT deserve to be treated this way, it's not right!!!
2006-10-08 18:14:32 · answer #9 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your Husband didn't want a wife he wanted a maid and I think you got married way to young and now you understand what your parents were trying to tell you,he brainwashed you into giving up your parents for him and now he feels that he has you right where he wants you,if your parents are still there for you I strongly suggest that you talk to them and see if they will help you escape this idiot and if I were you I would do it now you are not the maid nor his daughter and unless he stops treating you like you are then for your own sake you need to move on and without him.
2006-10-08 15:09:56 · answer #10 · answered by CaliMa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not happy with him now, you never will be. Divorce him and move home. You need to take care of your own emotional needs (because you know that he won't do it). He is selfish and self-centered and is holding you back from growing to spiritual and emotional maturity. Give him an ultimatum and a time limit to change. Yes, you married too young.
2006-10-08 15:26:56 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋