How does a single parent start dating again w/o feeling guilty?

Question

I was married to for 14 yrs, have 3 kids that I had dedicated my life to. I've never wanted to miss anything of theirs. I can't get past the "it's not fair" that I've been put in this situation, it feels like I'm losing my self-respect by dating. Is that a normal feeling?

Answer 1

Yes! it's perfectly normal. You're kids will understand in time if they realize that you need adult companionship and conversation. They need their friends for the same things on their level. But it sounds like you're still in the "mourning" stage of the dissolution of the marriage. Maybe you need more time to become okay with being alone before you start looking for that special someone. Try going out on group outings with single friends. Invite them to bring their single friends if you're comfortable with it. That way you can meet new people in a safe environment and there're no expectations. When you're ready, you'll know. It's okay to take care of yourself. You're kids need you to be happy & healthy...in every way.

Answer 2

That depends- r u single due to divorce ? I f so, quit worrying, go out & have a good time. If ur husband passed on, that's another thing altogether. U were married for 14 yrs., so I'm guessing ur kids r pretty much grown, teen-agers anyway. At any rate if he died, u're probably feeling like u're cheating on him, & I think that's normal. I've never lost a husband, but I've talked to other women who have, & they say that's the way they feel/felt. I don't care what anybody else says, 14 yrs. is a long time to devote yourself to a man, & kids. If it's been over a yr., don't feel quilty about going out & having a good time, u deserve it. If these feelings persist, see a therapist, get into counciling, it will do u a lot of good. Good Luck- & please let us know how u're getting along. We care!

Answer 3

You should not feel guilty about moving on with your own life. Every shild from a broken home thinks "it's not fair". the truth is if you want to feel whole again and miss the comfort of a relationship that is what you need to do. As long as you keep your relationship with your children and keep your promises to them they will know that you love them. I have two children and am in a relationship again with a man who has three children. It took a while to get them used to mom and dad are not getting back together and it was definetlly not easy. you must stand your ground and be honest with them. In time they will learn to except it. It is never easy for a child to except a new man or women in there life but if you help them to understand things go a little bit more smooth. Make sure that if you are dating that you don't introduce every date you are considering. Make sure only a special women gets that privelage. It is hard enough getting them to like one women they know that there father or mother is in love with let alone watching them date many women before finding the right one. Make sure she is a keeper before the real excitement begins

Answer 4

If you don't have time for you that allows you to date because you are so committed to the lives of your kids then you don't have a life of your own anymore. Married or single, kids or no kids, you need to have a life of your own, to some degree. Your kids will grow up and have lives and relationships of their own and your role will diminish considerably. It's okay to desire and have a new person. That doesn't mean you have to lose anything. Everything in balance, my friend. If we could fast forward, I'm sure that your kids would want you not to be alone, although most kids of any age wish their parents would get back together.

Answer 5

I think this is normal. A friend of mine's mum went through a painful divorce and found it very difficult to get back into her social life, without a husband and kids 'poster perfect' family to keep her identity intact. You've been given a second chance to do things your way. If conventional dating has u feeling uncomfortable, why not meet people in the same position you are in? And have no expectations out of anything: it's only 'not fair' because you're holding yrself to some impossible ideal. Live life as it comes.

Answer 6

It sounds like you are not ready to date. Take this time to get to know yourself and do other things just for you. I am going through the same thing. My marriage ended over 2 years ago and I tried dating but I hated it. I am just not feeling as if I have much to offer romantically. I am still a little too bitter. Recognizing that has been a huge relief. I can have a fulfilled life without dating. If you are not ready to be away from your kids - then don't.

Answer 7

I went through a similar thing before I started dating again. The thing is, they need to see that you take care of your own needs, and dating is part of taking care of those needs. You are not losing your self-respect by dating. You are embracing life by dating. It is very easy to bury oneself in work and family and ignore the other needs - that's unfortunately what I did for far too long. You are worthy of a loving relationship and deserve one - you now need to simply go find it. Do you feel guilty when you shop for shoes if you need some? Then don't feel guilty about dating.

Answer 8

It sounds like (just guessing here) that because you were the "wronged" one in your relationship with your childrens father that you feel required to eternally be the "marter". Yeah, that is a normal feeling-- to feel like you must continue in that vein and that you might be considered to be less respectful or less "right" if you start to date again...
No one should expect you to do that. If they do they are somehow enjoying your pain and loneliness...which is sick.
If you don't involve your children with your dating until you are in a very serious relationship and if you don't let your dating conflict with any real event in your childrens lives you have nothing to feel guilty about. As you children get older they will develop relationships and will NEED to be away from home and family to grow as people. Don't wait until they are ready to fly the nest to enjoy life. Also, as a side effect of being the "marter" one or more of your children may feel some guilt in their lives (either now or as an adult) thinking that they may have somehow kept you from enjoying the company of other adults in meaningful relationships outside the home. And, if you don't develop some relationships outside your children now, when they are adults you may actually find yourself feeling resentful toward them. You don't want to be THAT mom!
You don't need to feel like you are losing your self respect.
Date respectful men and be your obviously responsible and loving self and you will be happy and well rounded!!

Answer 9

Yes it is normal but you have to change the way that you think. Being single is hard enough without adding all the other stuff into it. You are single and you have nothing to feel guilty for. Give another woman a chance to get to know the great guy you are.

Answer 10

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