got married too young?

Question

i got married on my 17th birthday , he was my child hood sweetheart. my mum loved him. we have only been married 10 monthes. sadly my mum passd away just over a month a go and i am still grieving. i was an only child and i never knew my father. i always looked after my boyfriend/husband. cooked for him as he said he didint ever want a career wife , he wanted a housewife,before we got married i would cook for himin his house and clean his bedrom etc. so when i left school we got our own little house and he went to work and i stayed at home cleaning and cooking for him . since my mum died ive wanted to spend time with my aunties as im still grieving. but because our house isint clean or i havent cooked for him . he has turned very aggressive and says im being a bad wife to him. i want to be everything he wants me to be with the death of my mum i cant think straight. ive also been eating abit more than usual but am not overweight.he says he dosent want a fat wife.what can i do

Answer 1

In my opinion, he's controlling you. You need to go visit your aunts and get some outside input into your situation. I also think you're getting depressed, therefore the weight gain. You need to find someone to talk to, and the sooner , the better. You're very young....a whole life ahead of you! Is this how you want to spend it?? Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

Personally I don't think that age has anything to do with this problem. Your husband is being VERY self Centered right now and needs to be MORE concerned about what you are feeling right now....not that he has a dinner waiting for him in a spotless house when he gets home. To be blunt....he needs to grow up! You and your mom must have been very close and he must have known this when you got married.....so how can he think its not going to take you a looong time to deal with your loss.
As for the comment he does not want a fat wife.....a lot of people eat when they are depressed....its natural...maybe if he was HELPING you get through this you would not have to turn to food.
Atleast you have your aunties for support right now....and again I would let him know that if he was showing some support then maybe you would not need as much from them. Marriage is about being there for your partner in the good times AND the bad....right now you are in the bad.
I wish you all the luck on this one....but what ever you do do NOT cut yourself off from your aunties.

Answer 3

First, my condolences on the passing of your Mom. I know it's a very difficult time for you.

You did marry too young. You haven't had time to grow up, have other relationships and experience your life. You haven't had the chance to learn how to be independent and take care of yourself. It sounds like your husband, instead of being loving and concerned about how you're doing, is busy being demanding and trying to control your life. Your husband should be your partner, not your boss.

Do you have an Aunt or older friend you trust to talk to about this? You need someone to listen to you and give you some guidance. You should think about getting the marriage annulled; until you've matured and have learned how to take care of yourself, I don't know that staying married right now is the best thing for. It may seem like a good idea because things are so bleak right now, but you would be surprised to learn how capable you are, even under these very trying circumstances. You may also look into getting some counseling and going to a grief support group to help you with your mom's death.

Above all else, take care of yourself as best you can. Don't let anyone dominate you or do you harm, including - and especially - your husband.

Answer 4

Ask him what he would do if it was his mum that had passed away. Talk it out with him. let him know how you feel and how hard it is for you.
I have been married for 22 yrs. I got married at 19 yrs. The one thing I have learn is that no matter what we still needed to talk and we still need to date one another. Because, as soon as one of us quit then the other will start looking else where to get there needs mate.
Even as hard as it seem right now you can get though this if both of you work together on it.

I wish you the best and will be praying for you'll.

Answer 5

If I were his wife he would have been the one cleaning. What will you do if he loses his job. He is a lazy person and you do not need to deal with that. You should go get a career and not care what he says. He is your husband so he supposed to make you feel better and be there for you because your mom died.you need to go spend time with your Aunts. You tell him you don't want a fat wife then I don't want a fat, Lazy, Self centered husband.tell him you would not know what to do if weren't cooking and cleaning for him

Answer 6

OMG he is like so mean, i mean, if he really loves you he would take your mum's death really hard and be considerite enough to cook for himself since your taking it very hard. Also he if really loved you he wouldent care what you look like, he shouldent really care. you should try to talk to him so he might understand.
Thanks, kelsie.

this is my friend mary - I am sorry but at this rate there is no hope for him and you should not take this from him any longer. if he is going to force you to be the person he wants you to be instead of letting you be yourself than there is nothing wrong with you. he has the problem. i say its a good idea to just leave him or try to talk some sense into him and if he doesnt listen than stand up to him and tell him HE's getting too fat and he's not the husband you wanted. if you dont want him that is.
thank you for listening
-kelsie's friend mary

Answer 7

You are grieving the loss of your mother, and what you are feeling is normal. You need to be able to talk to someone who understands you, like your Auntie. I would also recommend counseling to you, to help you through this difficult time. Please do your best to explain this to your husband, and tell him what you need from him. I heard what he wants from you, but does he know what you need right now?

I am concerned as you say he is aggressive and putting you down. That is abuse, and do not put up with it. No one deserves to be abused. Love should not hurt. Best wishes.

Answer 8

you're going to have to learn your limits and don't let he walk all over you, I was married that young and my husband and I split two times before He finlly got that I was a person not a piece of property.If he truily loves you it will work out no matter what, if not then It will end and you'll be better for it.I promise.I'm been married now ten years and love my husband more now then I did ten years ago.Be strong ,dig your heels in and stand your ground,and don't let him put his hands on you in anger that is not love.

Answer 9

It is o.k. to marry at a younger age but it is not cool to be a slave. My wife was 18 when I married her, but I supported her to get her Master Degree

If something happen to him who will support you ----what type of employment will you get without an education?

Answer 10

Tell him to be more understanding, or he will be single again. He sounds like a @$$