I saw that he had looked up lap dances, boobs, & naked pictures of women. We are fairly newlyweds & i'm worried that he's not happy with me... Should I be worried?? Should i say anything to him? Thank you for any advice!
2006-10-08 13:34:19 · 41 answers · asked by lola 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, there's no need to worry. Here's an idea, tell him that you know, and you want to look with him. Then after you watch the movie or see the pictures, do to each other what you have seen, then he knows he can get the same thing at home. It's a guy thing, you can either worry over it, leave him, or join him. I think, in your situation, the only time you would have to worry is if you looked up the history, and found out he was watching men (without you). I do have to add, that you obviously have trust issues with your man, and you need to work on that. I would be pissed if my husband "looked up" what I was doing online, not that I do anything wrong, but the fact that he had to look and didn't trust me, would put up a very big red flag!
2006-10-09 05:55:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You should definitely talk to him. But, before you jump to any conclusions, keep in mind that men are very different than women. They're very visual creatures, and don't put the same emotional attachment and value to things the way women do. For a lot of guys, looking at porn is part of their day like taking a poop in the morning.
If, however, his visitations to these sites begins to interfere with his relationship with you, your sex life, his job or anything else (just like spending too much time pooping in the bathroom would), yeah, there's a problem and you need to talk about it.
Aside from your initial concerns, do you have a problem with porn? Or is it just a security issue with you? Have you noticed a change in your sex life? Think about these things first. When you talk to him, don't freak out on him; just let him know that you came across the sites and want to make sure that things are good between you. Stay calm and listen carefully. It may not be anything to be overly concerned about. I would be concerned if there were any radical changes, like the ones I noted above.
2006-10-08 14:04:27 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes its a man thing alright...not sure why we do it but we do lol. If it really bothers you then yes I would ask him about it. You better come up with a reason as to how you found it though or it will look like you were checking up on him....which you were lol. maybe something like...oh the computer was running slow so I thought I would dump the history. Just tell him that it kinda bothers you that he has to look at naked women and makes you feel less of a women....but it probably wont help much lol
Men are VERY visual....and as long as all he is doing is Looking at Pictures....cant really see how that hurts anything...well other than your pride *S*
Best of luck
2006-10-08 13:41:14 · answer #3 · answered by oldman 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A LOT of guys deal with pornography addictions, and it seems your husband is one of them. It's a really hard thing to deal with and beat, but once you do, I'm sure your relationship will really improve. But the first and most important thing you can do right now is to never, ever blame yourself or think that your husband doesn't desire you physically. I'm sure he still loves you incredibly and is happy with who you are, but is still battling something that he's probably been into for a long time. But yes, you should say something. If I were you I wouldn't want to just let it go and know it's going on. I think you should gently tell him that you know what he's doing, and then discuss it. If he expresses a desire to stop looking at it and to get help, then there are counsellors that are great at helping in this kind of a situation. I know this must be really hard on you, but you have to love him and support him through this. Best of luck to both of you!
2006-10-08 13:40:27 · answer #4 · answered by jennabeanski 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's nothing to be concerned about unless it comes between the two of you. Does he know you know about it? Ask him why it turns him on... don't make him feel guilty about it. Men get turned on more by visuals... women get turned on by emotions (that's just a generalization... there are exceptions). It probably wouldn't hurt to take a look at some of the stuff he's looking at... you never know, it may do something for you.
2016-03-28 02:06:20 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From one woman to another.......... Just let it go, he's happy with you. I'm sure he is thinking of you while looking at those pictures. A lot of men do that sort of thing, it just kinda satisfies their appetite. Men are very sexual visual beings, and if he were my man I would much rather he be on the Internet looking, than in some bar or club.This is not any thing for you to feel insecure about. However, if it gets to a point where you are feeling so uneasy about it, then I suggest you let him know in a quite sort of way. One more thing, strive to always keep yourself looking good.
Hugs
Texas girl
2006-10-09 07:13:46 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been married for over 20 years. In my opinion, as long as he is just looking, then dont worry about it. Its when he wants to touch them is when the worrying should begin. Honestly, I think men looking at porn, etc. is fairly normal. As far as my husband is concerned, he hasnt looked at any porn, but I honestly dont care if he does or not. I dont go around trying to find out where he has been on the computer etc. I figured he can live with himself in whatever he does. And I can sleep soundly at night, then why bother with the worry. Good luck to you.
2006-10-08 13:47:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Especially since you are newlyweds I would talk to him. I have neighbors who divorced over an issue like this (internet porn addiction). I know you feel somehow betrayed. But, I would talk to him.
As far as is he unhappy with you....I doubt it and I hate for you to think that way. I am sure you are a beautiful woman and that your husband loves you.
Just check in with him on this one. If you must, see a counselor, or the person who married you (if the counsel).....never hurts to start of right!
2006-10-08 13:39:36 · answer #8 · answered by Beth M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should be worried because you should be able to ASK HIM instead of a bunch of strangers out on the internet! Tell him you came across some of these sites and that you now feel very concerned and unloved. He'll likely tell you that it doesn't mean anything (that's what they all say); so it's up to you as to whether or not you can learn to live with a guy like this. Good luck.
2006-10-08 13:37:20 · answer #9 · answered by mJc 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Weird thing is, I've been married to my Husband for 5yrs, been together 11. I have always known my husband to be a as* man. He likes to look at them, study them, etc!! At first I was uncomfortable and insecure about it, but he never gave me a reason to not trust him. He made me and my as* feel like all the other as*'s couldn't compare...weird right?!! It's true though.
If your comfortable enough, watch an adult movie with him, find out what it is he likes so much in the movie. What's his favorite body part on a woman, then perfect yours. Men will always be excited by what they see, it's nothing wrong with that, that's how men are, just make sure what he sees in you excites him as well.
God Bless.
2006-10-08 13:40:35 · answer #10 · answered by NURSING FOR LIFE!! 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋