hey, does anyone have any good witty sayings?

Question

here's mine:

Shooting yourself in the foot is actually a lot more fun than it sounds.

Shooting yourself in the foot is actually a lot less fun than nearly anything else.

Never turn your back on a charging turtle.

Projectile vomiting rarely gets you a return invitation anywhere.

Never get in a spitting contest with a llama.

I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born. (Ronald Reagan)

If you wear a silly hat, everyone knows who you are.

No one likes a smartass.

Especially another smartass.

Once is chance, twice is a coincidence, three times is an enemy action.

Never throw toilet paper on a bear.

Calling your mother and pretending to be an encyclopedia salesman doesn't go over too well.

He who laughs last should do so from a safe distance.

Never ever go first.

Never take yourself too seriously, and mock those who do.

Answer 1

I frequently use, "Be gone before a house falls on you, too."
When they revived my mean old Nanny AGAIN I learned the true meaning of,"Evil never dies"
"Don't sweat the small stuff"
"I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing near you."

Answer 2

I travel at the speed of dark.

If you get scared half to death twice, do you die?

I used to have an open mind, but my brain kept falling out.

Bacteria is the only culture some people have.

I plan to be spontaneous. Tomorrow.

Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

whenever I feel blue, I start to breath again.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?

Answer 3

!. Volvo, Video, Velcro:
I came, I saw, I stuck around.

2.My point...and I do have one. { Ellen DeGeneres}

3. If you had any brains you would be dangerous.

4. Don't let the door hit you in the ......on your way out.

Answer 4

R Dangerfield... There is no greater display of trust than oral sex between cannibals

Answer 5

Children may not always do exactly as you say, but they will never fail to imitate.

Answer 6

A witty saying proves nothing. -Voltaire