my husband left me this weekend telling me the house wasnt clean enough. my house is not the cleanest in the world no theres always laundry and some dishes to be done but other than that its pretty clean. it all occurred because i asked him to treat my daughter the same as he treats our son. he got mad and left but used the excuse about the house to deny any wrong doing on his part. if he wont admit hes wrong so he can work on changes too how will this ever work we've been married 2 yrs now and its the 1st time either of us have walked out. what do you think?
2006-10-08 13:23:40 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You and I both know there's more to this story. Please seek professional help with this one... us bunch of dorks on Yahoo! are not going to be able to give you the right answers.
2006-10-08 13:27:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am married to a man who can't communicate and the first 7 years was hell. Some people use things to do what they want and that is that. Yes, you can overcome this but you must stand up for yourself and your other child. Show your husband that you have a back bone. If he chooses to leave when something doesn't go his way....drill him when he comes back. Two wrongs don't make a right .....but you try walking out the door because he's not helping around the house and see how he likes it. It goes two ways. When my husband learned that I can leave just like him, he stopped. Now after some years of being together he is more willing to talk and I'm the one who shuts down. And as far as the other child goes, you have to stand up for your child. Now if you husband makes a valid point of the up bringing of the child, you should take his opinion under consideration. Be nice and be fair. If this does not work always stand up for your children. Never be a mom who would rather have a man than mentally healthy kids. He may have needed a reason to leave the house and would rather you think that you are not doing a great job around the house but last time I checked he lives there too so that means he can help you clean . Good luck
2006-10-08 13:45:40 · answer #2 · answered by denavirgo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are exactly right, he picked the fight so he could walk. He's not willing to tell you what is wrong. Why he doesn't treat the kids equally is something that really needs to be addressed. Has he come home yet? If he has, I would be getting me some answers. If he left once, then he will do it again. The first time someone gets mad and walks out is the hardest, after that it becomes easier and easier.
If he isn't home, call him up and ask him to meet you somewhere.
First thing you say, is this "We need to talk, We aren't going to get angry and walk off, we are going to talk like adults, and find out what's going on here."
Honey, I am so very sorry this is happening to you, I don't think he was being fair, whether he see's it is the big question. Ask him to explain why he treats the kids differently, tell me you don't understand, and would he please tell you his reasonings behind it.
Also, inform him that leaving doesn't solve any problems, that the house is community property, those are his dirty cloths, and dirty dishes just as much as yours. He can do them just as well or better. All you can do at this point, is try to get him to tell you or explain to you why, and so maybe you can be more understanding, or correct his out dated notions...Praying that he will be home, in a better understanding mood....
God bless us all...............
2006-10-08 13:47:08 · answer #3 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing I see wrong with this picture is why you're expected to keep the house clean. If it's not clean enough for your husband, then why doesn't he do some cleaning? This is unfortunately a typical attitude of some men but it is soooo 1950s.
I think that things will work out if he is willing to treat you as an equal partner. Be strong. That in itself is attractive, and if not to him, then maybe somebody else. But with 2 years invested in your marriage (which isn't a long time but long enough), I think your marriage should overcome this. Maybe he's back already?
2006-10-08 13:30:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that your husband needs to grow up and get real if your marriage has any chance of survivng. I see that you have a blended family which isnt easy so the sooner you get into marriage councelling, the better. Your husband obviously did something rather "over the top" concerning your daughter and you saying what you did about "same level respect" is a fair request. You husband isnt p!ssed because of some dishes and laundry, he has deeper problems than this and is using it as an easy escape. Get into councelling and get things out in the open or your marriage will turn you inside out (and the kids too)
2006-10-08 13:28:37 · answer #5 · answered by Linda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think theres more to it than the house. and you telling him to treat your daughter the same. Sounds like you two need a good pow wow sit down talk. clear the air. and communicate. Something is bothering him and this is the only way he knows how to handle it.
You both cool down and then have a heart to heart talk. find out whats getting to him and then of course try fixing it on your part as well as informing him what you need in this marriage.
Marriage is a two way street. Sounds like you both need to get reaquainted better in the things you need in the marriage and what your both missing from the marriage.
Don't give up the ship remember for better or worse. your just going through a rough spot. Keep your chin up and work on it together
Good luck
2006-10-08 18:36:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about this troubling time in your marriage, I pray God Blesses your marriage/family with security , and love.
Okay, it's pretty selfish for your Husband to leave the house, and use the cleanliness of it as his basis for leaving, that's a cop out for sure, he's acting on that cause he's guilty of something else.
My concern is: how is he treating ''your'' daughter, vs the son you two share. That should sooo not be an issue. And as the head of the household/leader of his family, etc he is totally responsible for making sure his daughter feels loved and protected by him, or else why did he marry you, just cause he loves YOU?!! No, he should be in love with everyone in that house. Does he understand that how he treats you will build a picture in his step-daughters head of how she should be treated by men in her life?
Your Husband needs to seek his Heavenly Father, repent his sins, and ask for guidance, and strength to raise his children and be a loving leader. Maybe he needs to also change the company he keeps outside of the house, starting hanging out with some God fearing married men who take being the head of there household seriously.
2006-10-08 13:49:50 · answer #7 · answered by NURSING FOR LIFE!! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds like a jerk! If he wants the house clean, why doesn't he clean it? Sounds like if you have 2 kids you have your hands full. He was using it as an excuse to walk out. Something else is going on in your marriage and it seems he doesn't want to let you in on it. You and your husband need counseling. If that doesn't work, then the choice is up to you.
2006-10-08 13:40:14 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the real problem is the house and it bothers him that much he should pitch in to help, if not he needs to not say anything about it, if the real problem stems from the kids then its time u 2 have a long talk, kids are innocent victims and they can feel the tension between the two of you, best to get things out in the open maybe even get some counseling.
2006-10-08 13:28:49 · answer #9 · answered by sunflower4140 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You 2 need to sit down & have a frank talk. U don't say if the daughter is his, so I'm guessing she isn't, & he's treating his son better than UR daughter? U don't say how old ur daughter is, but I'd bet she's old enough to realize he's treating the boy better, & that's not good. If u 2 can't sit down & talk this out, then u need marriage counciling, if he won't go with u, go by yourself, it WILL help. The sooner the better, so get going! Good Luck!
2006-10-08 13:49:08 · answer #10 · answered by louise b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love each other please get help. Talk to a therapist. It sounds like you guys have some issures that need talking about. Keep the home as nice as you can and make sure he does his part too. My husband shares the chores and it keeps us close. don't let him use the home as an excuse. Find out what the problems are in your marriage and lay them on the table. Decide how to resolve them together.
2006-10-08 13:32:41 · answer #11 · answered by Nevada Pokerqueen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋