What does a person do when his wife walked out and left the kids and now she wants them? Her pattern is that when she finds a new lover, she tries to contact them all the time but when she's "hunting" for one she has limited contact {maybe once a week}. When she left she had no contact whatsoever for 4 months and it's been 5 years now. Do I let the kids decide?
2006-10-08 12:23:49 · 13 answers · asked by sinfulways44 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If it helps, the kids are 13 and 15
2006-10-08 12:44:26 · update #1
I would let the kids decide if they want to see her!
2006-10-08 12:25:17 · answer #1 · answered by Tasha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't mention how old the kids are and whether or not your ex-wife is seeking legal custody. Also, whether you've been receiving child support. However, the fact that your ex appears and disappears from the lives of your children is very detrimental to their well being. It's a fine line between abandonment and betrayl, as if the children are pawns in the search she is doing... that of finding a man. It amounts to abuse and the children could be suffering.
Do you talk with your children? Listen well? Are you supportive? Non-condemning of their mother? Available? You can't change their mother's behavior, but, you can have a foundation of stability with your children that is solid and can withstand the sands of time. If they're old enough to listen and share their feelings then they're old enough to have some decision in how things will affect their life. Being 'thrust' (suddenly) back into life with their mother may not be the answer.
But, hearing from your children about how they feel is a good place to start. Try not to suggest that they should decide, but rather see how they view the situation of visiting their mother. I'm sure they have an opinion about how they feel and you will need to be the least threatening in this situation. Don't put their mother down.
Suggest that you will be there for them and that each of you can work on this together. Privately, seek legal counsel to prepare yourself in the event this takes a turn where your ex is going to seek legal remedy. Most judges will NOT consider disrupting the lives of children after they have been with one parent and are functioning well over a great period of time. Make sure that all of the records for your children are up to date. School records, doctor visits, trips, school/clothing supplies, counseling, (if they've had it) and anything related to the kids and you that you can tangibly prove. Show that there is a strong parental union with you and your children. They're going to need it.
2006-10-08 12:58:15 · answer #2 · answered by pane2nou 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, at age 12 (at least in Texas) the children would decide. Even if you went to court more than likely the court would let the children decide. Now, if I'm not mistaken you can go to court and try to get sole-custody of the children (which means that you would be the sole guardian of the children). If you have visitation rights that you have to follow, you have no choice. It's a complicated situation. You should really talk to a lawyer about it. Most have free consultation and free advice. Good luck!
2006-10-08 13:21:49 · answer #3 · answered by cutie447_99 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I wouldn't give up the kids. Her behavior is VERY erratic. I hope you have all of this documented. I would let her see the kids, but having primary custody? No way! What's going to happen when she decides to go on the prowl again? She's going to dump them with you and hit the bricks. This isn't fair to the kids. They need a stable environment, and you're providing just that.
Just curious, how old are your children? Let them decide? Since when have you ever seen a child or teen make a rational decision?
2006-10-08 12:34:55 · answer #4 · answered by Larry F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes they are at an age where they can decide if they want to see mommy or not, dont worry kids are not dumb, they will probably be hurt a few times, after that they wont want to see her anymore... she will dig her own grave... what the man shoud do is when they wife wants to give the kids back to go "hunting" again, he should contact a lawyer and get full custody... that happened to an uncle of mine, the minute the wife said hey i cant handle these kids u take them, he went straight to his lawyer and got full custody, later on she wanted them back... the judge practically laughed in her face!
2006-10-08 12:57:31 · answer #5 · answered by Tina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Umm no, try letting her know she's a dead beat, and that she should be happy they have such a good father or else she would have no contact with them at all. They would be lost in the system somewhere. I would take her to court so fast she wouldn't want to bother you ever again. She clearly is not stable, or responsible so the judge should rule in your favor.
2006-10-08 12:27:27 · answer #6 · answered by lindalbnj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well that a hard one. but i would say if i was in your shoes. that if they are still young that you as the father should choose what best for your kids. but if they are old enough to understand then you should let them decide. but i mean you been a father and a mother and she shouldnt have any right to see them. she left them. but if you and your kids want to see her then just follow your heart. but all i can say is be careful and good luck.
2006-10-08 12:28:17 · answer #7 · answered by Melda R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i imagine that's a good red flag going off on your head. in case your little ones favor to get baptized this should be on their lonesome and through their own determination and is an excellent journey as a born again believer no longer as a non secular ceremony. faith has no longer some thing to do with baptism. Jesus shows us that as we get baptized that's because we make the alternative to be publicly open about our faith. So this determination could no longer be persuaded through all and sundry else. You suggested "faith is way less significant to me than how human beings manage one yet another.." Amen sister, that is strictly what Jesus teaches us. there is not any longer some thing about God and Jesus it quite is ritualistic or non secular infact Jesus rejects our non secular acts many cases in the bible and tells us in reality "we've were given all of it incorrect" and if we would want to seem to seek relationship and not in any respect faith we then might want to locate the reality. Jesus suggested "i'm the way, the reality, the existence" so that you understand religion is an act of repetition no longer a saving act. we are kept through religion no longer works. in case your little ones favor to be baptized on their lonesome then that's gravy, yet I accept as true with you that no matter if that's on their lonesome through their own determination, you as their mom should be invited. even with in case you in simple terms sit down on your individual in the again. Believer or no longer. in the journey that they don't seem doing it because they made a unsleeping determination to maintain on with Christ (some kids do understand and some kids don't understand) yet in the journey that they don't then you quite could practice your ex husband on the way it isn't a actual born again journey in the journey that they don't do it on their lonesome will there fore that's for the moms and dads gratification it quite is fairly twisted. through ways I attend a baptist church and do not you difficulty, baptists do no longer position self assurance in baptizing little ones till that's their own favor to finish that. there is flaws in all denominations and that i delight on your difficulty for your little ones. you've each and every suitable to ask. : )
2016-12-04 10:19:32 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't let them live with her, but do let them see her. it's not their fault that their mother is a loser. and regardless of that fact, you know quite well that they love her and need her love. let them take advantage of the times when she is willing to give them attention, it sounds like there are alot of times when they can't get any from her. let them figure out for themselves who she is. when their old enough to tell her they don't want to see her, their old enough to make the decision. it's important to have a relationship with both parents, even the inattentive ones, if for no other reason than to learn how *not* to parent.
2006-10-08 12:32:53 · answer #9 · answered by Gabrielle 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one depending on how old your children are I would say if they want to see their mom. You almost have to let
them, as long as they won't be in a dangerous situation. If you
don't let them see her they will be upset at you. I know it will be
hard for you. hope this helps
2006-10-08 12:29:25 · answer #10 · answered by REALISTIC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋