what do you do when you're in a forbidden relationship?

Question

i dated this boy for 3 months. we're very close. we had kissed & made out before. 1 day after school i kissed him goodbye on the lips. nothin gross just a kiss.
someone saw & told my dad. the second week into summer, my dad confronted me about it. he yelled at me telling me how horrible i am & grounded me from all social contact. he played the "you dont know what i know tell me the truth" game so i said "we made out in a movie theater before"
my dad made me break up with him & i didnt see him for a month. we're secretly dating now & only my close friends know. we're "allowed to be friends"
dad was my refuge, my daddy, since that day hes been different. i fear him like no other. his mood is everywhere. hes not abusive (maybe emotionally) but hes the scariest person in the world to me

im constantly paranoid and it makes my bf mad. im scared all the time. dad is more ridiculous everyday. he yelled at me for asking to go to homecoming with this boy. it was 4 months ago!
i love him. help!

Answer 1

Your father is just being a father, which means he still sees you as too young for this. On that note, you should now know not to ever tell your father that you made out with any boy, because trust me, all he heard was, My daughter just admitted to me that she is loose! (There are probably other words that he probably thought too, I just thought loose was one of the nicer ones). He will get over it eventually, but for now, walk softly, and try to talk to him about how you're getting older, and you are not a baby any more. You have to go through this talk, my friend. We all did! The more that he sees that you are a mature person that would not make foolish mistakes like having sex at a young age and getting pregnant, the more respect he will have for you as a maturing young adult. Stay strong. Even though it might not seem like it, he's doing it because he loves you.

Answer 2

You don't say what your Dad's objections to this boy are? Can you clarify that for us?
You are at an age where you are testing your independence and taking silly risks. If you are around 15, which is my guess, you need to step back from the situation and look at it with new eyes. Lying to your Dad will only make matters worse for you. If you lie to him, he will never trust you at all, which will in turn force him into the position of having to keep you prisoner in your house. He doesn't want to do this, but you leave him no alternative if you are deceitful. He has to know he can trust you to do what you are told if it is for your own good. Nothing says you have to agree with it, you can even react calmly and ask him why he feels the way he does. Having a tantrum or argument with him only makes it worse and validates his point that you are not mature enough to handle certain situations, no matter what your opinion is at your age. He should listen to your side, but when he has done so, you should do as he says.
It is your Dad's job to care for you, protect you and love you. It sounds like he does. A lot.
I know three or four years seems like a long time to you right now, but believe me, it goes faster and faster the older you get.
And one of these days you will look back at this time in your life and wonder that your parents ever got through it. And you will be very appreciative of the fact that you have a father who loves you and looks out for your welfare.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it is the way it is until you are 18. And that is just around the corner.

Answer 3

Your dad needs some help. He is so overprotective. How old are you anyway? You didn't mention anything about your mother, so I am assuming he is a single dad. I understand why he is reacting this way. You know he loves you dearly. You can try to make his life better and happier. It sounds like his life is miserable. Maybe he needs to go out with his friends or even start dating again... He needs to keep his life occupied.. so that he will give you room. Or sit down and have a serious talk with him and ask him why he thinks like that.. and have a solution to the problem... If he is a mature adult, he should be reasonable.

Answer 4

I am a dad and it sounds like your dad is being very unreasonable. He needs to understand that young people that learn about relationships early have less problems as young adults. I am not advocating promiscuity, but hand holding and a few kisses never hurt anyone.

From your question I am not sure how old you are, but if you’re 13 or younger your dad might be right.

Good luck I hope it works out well for you and your dad.

Answer 5

As a father to 5 girls, I can only say that it's kinda like he's trying to protect you, but in the wrong way..It's hard for a father to see his "little girl" grow up and some day have another man take his place.It's a hanging on thing and it's one of the hardest things for a dad to let go...I didnt phrase this very well, but I hope you've gotten a tiny little bit of insight...

Answer 6

Your father loves you more than you think. And the only reason why he is acting "different" is because he knows that you are sneaking around with this guy behind his back but he has not busted you for it because he does not want the burden of proving that he knows and secondly he knows that you are about to get yourself into SERIOUS trouble by messing around with some boy that he warned you about and then forbid to you to be with. If you decide to do things your way, there is nothing that he can do to protect you. Right now he is just waiting for the other shoe to fall because he knows that this guy is really going to mess you up emotionally.

Break it off and do not be concerned about dating until your father tells you that it's OK to date. Until then, do not sneak around behind his back.

Answer 7

If your father has no real reason for acting this way towards your relationship with this guy, try to talk with your father seriously about this first. If he doesn't listen, then make it work out with your guy anyway behind his back since your father is being irrational. If that doesn't work, and he ruins your love with this guy, when you can live out on your own, ignore your father, live your own life. One day, if he actually cares to know why your ignoring him, you can tell him about how unfair he was being with this, and the he ruined what could posibly have been a great relationship.

Again, only if he is really being irrational about this. If he has good reason for why you shouldn't date this guy, you should listen to your father.

Answer 8

how old are you. you seem to have your whole life ahead of you. chances are, you wont know that guy after high school and you wont marry him. Why ruin your relationship with your father. After all would you want your daughter making out with some boy in a movie theather, you can tell that your father really worries about you enough. Dont give him any reasons to loose his trust

Answer 9

If you love somebody. Maybe ask yourself why and for how long it has been. Take steps toward making it happen, but protect yourself too. If your dad really loves you and is forbidding it or something, why? Is he black or something? Shouldn't matter I think. Why are you afraid of him? If he is good then no reason to fear him. Maybe fear based on past bad things I think. Test it maybe, anyway you think you should. Ultimately its your decision.

Answer 10

well youre not the only on im in the same situation....
my parents dont know n e thing about my boyfrined and I we've been dating for almost 8 months now...we love each other and deal w/ it ...but im am scared of my dad finding out..he sounds just like yours...
but good luck!!!
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