Any moms not happy being moms and just want to leave?

Question

Do other moms feel this way, or feel this way some of the time? I love my babies (twins), but I just don't like being a mom, and I have fantacies of running away. I could leave, but I'm afraid I would feel guilty for the rest of my life.

What to do you to make yourself happy or satisfied?

I am 41 y/o and have a graduate degree --so I don't exactly consider myself immature, just new to this, so I appreciate sincere answers.

Answer 1

Sweetie, trust me, the first couple months, I had the same thoughts. I can only imagine how hard it must be with twins. It does get better with time. Some suggestions:
1. Find someone to take care of the babies every once in a while. For a couple hours or so. If you like to stay home and have quiet time, have the other person take the babies somewhere. If you want to get out, have them stay at your home with the babies. This person can be a trusted friend, relative, or your husband if you have one. My husband has the child foisted on him every Saturday afternoon. :-p
2. Try to get out. I don't know the temperment of your babies or how old they are, but I take my baby (3mo) everywhere. Seriously. I don't know how many museums the kid's been dragged to in the past few months, but, I've been pleasantly surprised at how accomodating museums are toward babies, esp. history/science museums. I don't know what your "thing" is as far as what you like to do, but see if you can do it.
3. Strap the kids in the stroller and go for a walk. The exercise will make you feel better, the babies will *probably* be lulled to sleep, AND the fresh air will make them sleep better at night. Make sure to pack a book to read while they sleep if you like that.
4. If you continue to feel depressed (I don't know how old the babies are), see about whether you have PPD, and talk to your doctor about what s/he recommends as far as therapy/medication/etc. We thought I had PPD for a couple of weeks, but once we got over a "hump", it's been much better. However, my best friend had to go on meds for months after her babies were born (she has three children)
5. If you can afford it, put the baby in daycare, or hire a nanny to watch the baby at your house, even if you don't *need* one. Everyone needs some help. I love my baby to death, but I can't wait until she's older. I like kids once they're about a year or so old. I can't wait until then. If I could afford a nanny, I'd hire one (as it is, I work as one now...and take my baby with me to work). And, if the nanny is in your house, you can interact with your babies as you want, but can still have some time for yourself.
Good luck...I think if people are truly honest, almost everyone will say they prefer kids at a certain age. I know people who LOVE babies, but can't stand toddlers, people who love school-age kids, but hate teens, and people like myself who LOVE toddlers and older (I worked as an elementary/middle school teacher for a few years), but don't really get their thrills from infants. Don't feel bad. It's natural to feel overwhelmed and have fantasies of running way, especially when the baby (or babies) is young and you're sleep deprived and wondering if you'll get a shower that week, let alone that day.

Answer 2

Babies and espacially two at the same time give a lot of work, and we aren't talking a 9 to 5 but 24 hours... that's a lot of responsability and work. There are so many beautiful moments though, all the little things that happen for the first time: first smile, first words, first steps, first day at kindergarden etc. try to focus on those beautiful things when you feel like running away! A mum that runs away will damage their children for the rest of their lives, the kids will feel guilty and won't ever be able to understand why you abandoned them...
I feel an overload sometimes, there are those days that the kids only fight, don't listen and it's just awful - I have felt like running away more than once. But I've never really evaluated if I REALLY should, no that's out of the question. I chose to have them so it's my wish and duty to be with them, provide love and a safe home until they are old enough to start their own adult lives. In the meantime I enjoy seeing them grow and take the good times and the bad times...

Answer 3

How old are your twins? You could be suffering from post-pardom..if thats the case, check with your doctor as there are things that can help. I am a mother of six and I can tell you there are times when I need to get away...not for good...maybe an hour or two sometimes. Everyone needs some "down" time to help refresh your mind. Maybe go for a walk in the park, take a long hot bath, have hubby watch the kids and you and your girlfriends go out for the night or get a sitter and you and your husband go out. What ever you do, don't abandon your precious children. My sister inlaw did it when her children were 7 & 9 and it mentally destroyed both of them no matter how much love and attention the rest of the family gave them.

Answer 4

I cannot believe the answer you recieved earlier, that was incredibly heartless.
I can totally relate to how you are feeling, I too have twins and i also have in the past felt that i could have upped and ran away on many an occasion.
For me the problem was post partum depression, which in turn was exagerated by the exhaustion that having twins brings. after months of denial i finally took the anti depressants the dr had prescibed. now several months on i can see past those feelings whereas before it was so hard to pull myself up. maybe it would be worth visiting your dr and discuss your feelings.....i didnt realise just how low i was until i took the anti depresssants and started to feel like my 'old' self. good luck

Answer 5

Unfortunately you are not able to manipulate what your mother does, however you'll be able to come to a decision whether or not you wish to permit her movements tear you down. You stated you could like a few reputable aid, so appear into discovering a therapist for your subject who can aid you to paintings by way of this problematic time; might be you'll be able to aid your dad do the equal. Your school most often has a few therapists on employees as good as a few aid companies. That can also be a well manner so that you can sort a few friendships for your subject. Good success!

Answer 6

Try to find a hobbie or something that will give you some time away from your children. It is really important- I was an at home mom for a year and a half and I was miserable. Then I got a job and even that helped me- just being away from my son for a little while each day.

Answer 7

.you are a grown up and presumably you wanted those baby's ,you cant put them back ,yes it gets hard and you are not the first mother to think that .Do you think the only fallout would be guilt? hey your children have feelings too, how do you think they will feel being abandoned?You need to find some balance in your life so you can all be happy ,maybe go back to work and hire a nanny or some thing .also see a doctor ,you may be depressed

Answer 8

How old are your babies? Perhaps you should seek help. You may have postpartum depression.

http://www.dbsalliance.org/info/postpartum.html?gclid=CKWtvuKs6ocCFQFMOAodKlItgA


I was 17 when my daughter was born. So yeah, at times I felt the same as you. I would just keep reminding myself that "this too, shall pass". Nothing last forever. Not even the feelings your having.

My daughter turned 11 this year. She is so beautiful and I love her more and more everyday.

<3

Answer 9

I can't believe my ears. You want to run away from these sweet innocent little people that you carried inside of you? What? There were times that I just wanted to get away and not d have to worry about anything but when those thought came into my mind I would become so upset for feeling that way. I could and would never of left for all the money and power in the world. They are your flesh and blood. How would you feel if someone that you love with all your heart did that to you? Maybe it did happen. How could you turn your back on them?

Answer 10

Well, what about the dads. I'm a single father, does that count? And yes, it does cross my mind, but could not, nor would not ever do it. Take a long hot bath and enjoy it. If you have to, send the kids outside and lock the doors.hahaha