Should i leave him?

Question

my hubby, working as a musician at 100 bucks a week. doesnt want to leave his band. Ever i ask him to choose between family and music and he cant choose. My house has been taken away cause of less income and he blames situtation and god. Im workin real hard to support my 2 kids and myself not forgetting him. He told me his going to get a job but not done yet till today. But i love him so much. His a really nice guy. A dear father to my kids and a dear husband to me its just that he could not get a stable job.

Answer 1

OK, go find someone how makes alot of money, it treat your kids just like step-kids, who will beat you to death, and will cheat on you. What do you care, aleast you have money. Right?

Answer 2

He does not want a stable job. He wants the freedom to go when a gig comes up, even if it pays no money.
Sure he can be a wonderful father to his kids, and lover to you, but he is a jerk in not caring what happens to all of you!
Get him to go for counseling.

Now here's the kicker; you married a musician well knowing that ( and I stereotype here) most of them have no interest in 9-5 jobs, and live on the fringe of financial disaster. You knew that,, but vowed to stay with him through thick or thin. It's thin time now.

Do what you can, make him the homemaker, and you upgrade your job skills, and get a better job. You married a jerk, and a jerk he is and will be.
Tough it out, you made the choice.

Answer 3

He seem to be more concerned with his music than his family. You should try to reason with him that the children needs to be taken care of and that will require some form of reasonable stable income. If he keeps saying he is looking for a job but nothing comes by, you can try helping him instead. If he is still not concerned about getting a job, just move to your parents house and bring the children along.

Answer 4

It is a husband's "duty" to at least HELP provide for his family, he has done neither. He has been the cause of lossing the family home and is obviously in denial with his blaming everyone/thing else including God for his problems. He needs to grow up and face his responsiblities because right now he is acting like a child. He isn't a good father if he can not provide food/housing/clothing for his children and as a husband he is just as bad. If I were you I'd seek legal counsel in getting away from this man before the authorities take your children away from you.

Answer 5

If these is affection between the two of you...this can be a tough call. The money is obviously important, but if there are kids as you said, his music should come second and his fatherly responsibilities need to kick in and he needs to help and support the family with a bit more money somehow. If he gets a paying job, then give it some more time if that's the biggest issue.

Answer 6

He needs to get a job in addition to the band work. A lot of people do this. If he is taking care of the kids, however, when you are working, he may be doing his part. How much will you have to pay in daycare if he starts working? You need to consider that. If that isn't an issue, then he needs to get a job and next time you tell him that, stick to it. Leave him until he has a steady job.

Answer 7

He is a dear father ? He doesn't support the family, doesn't see that his kids are fed and have a roof over their heads but he is a dear father? He needs to grow up and realize it is not all about him.Then maybe you can call him a reasonable father, maybe some day a great father .Until then he is just another one of the children you are looking after.

Answer 8

If you guys want to still try to work it out, then he will need to find a stable job. I think the best thing would be for him to find a job related to music, if that's what he's interested in. Maybe teaching or doing private lessons. That way he will still be playing music and making extra money too.

Answer 9

If you love him, if he is a great father to your children, but doesnt have the income to support them correctly, then that is only one our of 3 "bad" points he has. The other two positive traits are extremely important. Its a tough one, but I wouldnt be giving up on the marriage just yet. I have a musician friend who is like your husband...absolutely loves his music...its a way of life for him, without it, he would be very unhappy. To a lot of dedicated musicians it is a part of them, just like their legs and arms are. He just needs to prioritise a little bit better. I dont know if this would be viable, but maybe suggest to him, that he can play in his band, but still be able to work, but work at something he enjoys. He could be a music teacher for example, even go into business for himself. I saw a sign on a house the other day, that said private drum lessons. My girlfriend is a singer, but she teaches it as well...her gigs dont get her big money, its her teaching that does. If he can get interested in a job like that that he doesnt have to leave his music for, then that is a pretty simple solution and would keep both of you happy. Maybe he could apply at his local college to teach what he loves. A musicians life, unless you make it big, will always be a very poor life, so he has to find something that will keep you all afloat financially. He does have a responsibility to you and his kids to see you are all financially secure, but if he is made to choose between his music and finding a stable job, then you can understand why he would be reluctant considering his love of music....it would be like cutting off his right arm. That is why you both have to sit down and come up with ideas that wont see him have to choose. Even if he got a regular job, he could still play in his band at weekends. Just make sure he finds a 5 day a week job with no weekend work. There are plenty of solutions. It doesnt have to be one or the other.

If this doesnt work, then maybe you may have to leave him. I hope that doesnt happen, but if he wont listen to reason and cannot see that he needs to support his family without the need for giving up his band, and as I have shown you, it is not impossible, then it would show me that he is not considering you and your kids as a priority.

You need to sit him down, tell him you dont expect him to leave his band, but also remind him that gigs are only usually at weekends, so there is no reason why he cant get a week day job. There are lots of musicians who have a 9 to 5 job and play on the weekends. They still fit in band practice at night. It is not an impossible situation, but he has to be open to new possibilites. He cannot ignore this situation because you have lost your house over it. He needs to be a bit more responsible.

Good luck...I hope he comes to his senses soon.

Answer 10

Ask your "Level headed" best friend for her opinion. She'll know your situation and will keep your intrests in mind.

The problem is "Happiness". He's happy being a musician. With him being an artist, if he makes this decision of giving up music, he may be sorely unhappy (Especially if its taken it this long for him to do so).

But you deserve to be happy too! Seek out your best friends opinion, and seriously consider marriage counseling to ensure that everyone comes to a conclusion that they understand. Its aliveates any confusion that can be brought about due to the question of "Selfishness".

Gudluk!!!

Answer 11

He can't live without you. He won't be able to make a living on $400 a month, not to mention child support and alimony.

Tell him to get a job or HE has to leave. Give him a month to bring home a steady paycheck. See how quickly he gets a job.