I'm looking for unbiased opinions about a personal situation?

Question

I have been with my husband for 6 years. We have gone through a lot, he has done a lot of bad things (like stealing money, using drugs, etc), but he has been clean and sober for two years. WE have two children together. He's been doing really good, supporting us, etc. The problem is that I'm in love with my ex boyfriend. We recently started talking again, and I know he feels the same way. Nothing has happened.I've never been able to forgive my huisband for the things he's done. Should I continue on with my husband, for our kids sake, or pursue happiness with my ex? Ps: what broke us up before has now been resolved.

Answer 1

Stick with your husband. He has proven himself.
Keep your family strong.
Tell the old boyfriend that you are getting plenty at home ;.)

Answer 2

Great to hear your husband turned over a new leaf. and he's really trying here for the sake of his marriage . He loves you and wants this to succeed. I understand your still hurting and this issue hasn't been resolved for you. But instead of trying to run to the ex cause he's treating you nice now. Why don't you try and deal with this part that you have never been able to forgive him over. Hearts need time to heal and your husband is doing the best he can sure he's made mistakes and is now trying to do the right thing by you.. By you running away from the problem or not wanting to deal with your feelings is not the answer. I think you should really at least try to see if you can heal from this. by either discussing it with him or go to see a therapist yourself. and then if you still feel at the end it can't be resovled then at least you know you gave it your everything. If this ex boyfriend loves you he will understand and want you to be happy. I wouldn't leave one relationship to hop into another one just yet. Its your emotions talking right now and how this ex is making you feel that your not getting from your husband So your confused.

Take a break from this ex be honest and say my marriage deserves a second try. Your husbands trying his best now. Don't give up on him now. He would surely be devistated and go back to his old ways that would put him over the edge. Ever couple has problems thats when we women are our best when the tough get going the going get tough.

Also you mentioned your in love with your ex. could it be all that you have been through with your ex and the turmoil . and here comes this ex that can bring you happiness and no baggage like a night in shining army type thing. Grass isnt' always greener down the road things will die down and you will have problems there too after all he is your ex for a reason. so there were problems before even with him.

You ask should you continue on with your husband for your kids sake.. I say continue on for your own sake of your marriage another words give it a 100 % figure out how you can get help in how your feeling with this issue, and if you can heal and move on then this will be another thing you have gone through together. and you'll be better and stronger together.

But after you have really given your best and you still can't change the way you feel then you'll have your answer. I just dont' think you looked at all the possibilities yet.

I hope this helps you make your decision.

Good luck.

Answer 3

This isn't so much as an answer as it is to let you know you are not alone.
I've been married for almost 17 years. The first 5 were hell, but he has become so wonderful and such a great husband since then. However; I don't love him like I should. The"in love" feelings were totally destroyed, but I do care a great deal about him.
We have 3 children together - one is out of the house and the other 2 aren't far behind.
I am also in love with someone else that I've known for quite some time. It's heartbreaking.
BUT,
I have to tell you how blessed and happy I feel that I have stayed in my marriage to raise our children.
It's so important that kids have their biological parents, if at all possible.
I don't know what will happen when the last one is on to college, but I take it day by day.
Best of luck.

Answer 4

Firts NEVER STAY WITH ANYONE BECAUSE OF A CHILD. As for the rest of it you have several issues to work past and in order to do so you have got to look inside of you to find the answers. For some reason you fell in love with your husband and had two children with him, for some reason you stuck by his side through all of the bad stuff you need to think back and look at what those reasons were. Forget the boyfriend for now think about that. I think it is more not wanting to forget than it is forgiving. This man has shown you that you and his kids mean more to him than the other and is trying to clean up his act. I am sorry but you will never forget what he put you through but as much for the kids as your slf you have got to find a way to forgive him. No relationship is perfect no matter what anyone says. Right now you and the ex bf have resolved the issue that broke you up before but what about the next crisis would he stay with you if times got hard like you did with your husband? Right now he wants what belongsto someone else and it looks real good but will he really feel that way when he has you and two kids that aren't his to support? Before you make any kind of choices you need to go see a councelor and work through the past. You have to decide what makes you happy and you can't count on another person to do that because happiness has to come from within. Then once you start to figure it out you need to talk to your hubby and tell him how you feel. In the meantime you need to tell the ex that you need some time to sort your life out and do it.

Answer 5

Your husband is a great man for over coming a drug problem and he has been straight for two years. Why do you want to mess up your family? Because of an ex. There is a reason they are your ex and if the two of you have sorted out the problem then it is time you sort out your problem with your husband. Hasn't he proven to you that he has changed? Now is your turn to change and use the energy that you are spending on the ex and start putting it to your husband. Just think back when all was good and how in love the two of you were. Now get that back and live happily with your kids and your husband. Good luck.

Answer 6

First off, you should never have put yourself in that situation, with your ex, to begin with.

You have a family and need to work on your family. Marriage is a very strong committment. Your husband cleaned up his act, now you want to mess up your family even more.

You need to go to a therapist and get over the ex. Think about your children and your husband.

How long ago did you have this ex boyfriend? You have responsibilities to your family. You need to find a way to forgive your husband, that is what marriage is about. If only for the sake of your children. He found the strength to get better, now it is your turn. What you are doing is as bad, if not worse, than what your hubby has done. Consider it equal.

Answer 7

I think you need to work on forgiving your husband for your sake, because it will only affect any future relationships. Maybe if you forgive your husband, your relationship and love for each other would grow stronger. He obviously is trying, because he has been doing good for the last 2 years. We all make mistakes, some of us more than others. But you owe it to your children, your husband, your ex-boyfriend, and especially to yourself to be sure that the marriage is over, and not just your heart hurting from unforgiveness. After you truly forgive your husband, and you still feel the same then move on. PLEASE don't cheat. End it first, and then move on. Because the children are the ones who will get hurt the worst. God bless you and good luck !!!

Answer 8

I would stay with your husband, something had to make you want to marry him. No offense, but I think that you are still holding on to the past. Think about it, he cleaned up for you and your children, and is providing for you. What happens if you leave your husband, get divorced, he gets the kids for the weekend, and then starts up with his drugs again? What would your kids do? What happens if you leave your husband, and then a few months down the road, you see that things aren't the same with your ex and you find that you miss your husband?
In the end, do what you want to do, but really really think about your actions and how they will affect others around you, once you go, you can't ever go back.

Answer 9

The question of love is not the problem here. It's whether the love is unconditional love and from what you have said it seems that you have displayed unconditional love by sticking with your man and he also has proven it by cleaning up his act for you and the kids. The boyfriend isssue should not have arisen since he has been out of your life for so long. Sure he may be a friend but ONLY a friend. Lose the boyfriend completely and stick by your man.

Answer 10

Hmm... here are questions for you to think about; if you have forgiven your husband for the past, then why are you considering leaving him? Do you love the other guy more?

If you no longer love your husband, but you do love your ex, then you should leave your husband.

If you love your husband, you should not consider leaving him for someone else.

And by the way, how did you find out you were in love with your ex? I guess the real question here for you is, how committed are you to your marriage and children?

Answer 11

Looks to me that you're trying to justify f*cking your b/f. by telling us of the bad things your husband did. You say he has changed and is now clean and taking care of you and your kids. So now that things are moving in a positive direction you want to have an affair. That'll be a great thing for your children. They will love to know that their mother is some guys ho, because she "loves" him. Be glad that you husband, the Father of your kids has loved you and them enough to turn his life around for you and his kids.
You are endangering the welfare of your kids, love them more than yourself and stay away fro this ex b/f.