Why do people confuse being genuinely curious with being judgmental?

Question

If I ask a question about something I don't understand, it's because it's something I obviously want to try to understand. But if I don't word the question in exactly the right way, people will respond with "don't be judgmental." I'm actually asking the question because I'm trying NOT to be judgmental and want more information from others' points of view! Geesh!

If I say, "How could a man murder 3 Amish girls," is that being judgmental? A judgment is a statement, not a question, right?

Answer 1

Questions are curious things... they can be interpreted incorrectly. The best thing you can do is word your question as clearly as you can and if someone mistakes it as judgement, talk to them about it. Respond and say that you were merely curious and wanted to know more about the subject if they were comfortable. And then, if they are comfortable talking to you, its important to make sure you don't express any negative judgement about the subject.

In the wrong tone of voice the phrase 'how could a man murder 3 Amish girls?' can be taken as condemnation for the action, instead of curiosity. Although I must admit I am very judgemental about murderers o.O

Answer 2

Wrong. Judgmental is to declare something not proven to be a fact. The question you provide implies judgment of the man. The question you really wanted to ask was "Why did a man murder 3 Amish girls?" The difference is that you are not asking about the man but his motives.

Answer 3

Gotcha.

People tend to view expression as arrogant or proud when it establishes an opinion not cohesive with their experiences. Remember, just because someone says something doesn't mean it's going to be interpretted the same way that it's meant BECAUSE different people understand different rationales. Thought is one way of understanding things and concepts just as much as emotion or intuition or feeling.

Honestly, another reason is because sometimes people (just as genuinely and authentically) don't really understand what you are talking about. Sometimes they don't understand the question, and sometimes they don't understand the concept as a whole which you're considering. It's like asking a painter about engineering; sometimes he might think you're being judgemental because he think's you're audacious and arrogant enough to make fun of him for being a painter (this isn't the real motive for your action, and it's not even a portrayl; it's HIS perception).

Two things here: first, don't worry about distinguishing which of the above problems is occuring. It just wastes your time and limits your growth which is dependent upon your mental resources of focus, attention, and imagination as well as your energy and time.

Also, in order to actually investigate ideas without forgetting about them or being satisfied with being blow off, just move on and keep on trekking. Find another source, ask somebody else, or go to whereever it's going on. It's a bit hard for you to go off and visit an Amish community for this particular instance and there are plenty of other scenarios that visiting wouldn't be a suitable option. Still, for spontaneity's sake, you can write it down in a journal, copy it into a notepad you carry around all the time, and when the answer or solution comes across, you can analyze and record it THEN. The journal's important because if you lose the notepad, you can go back and look the question up again.

Oh, one more thing. I think you're already aware of this, but just as a friendly reminder: most people don't enjoy sharing their life stories because they take it as a sort of intrusion upon their privacy. As time and technologically evolve, people become more suspicious of their neighbors, peers, and superiors (as well as subordinates) because people become wary of their security as well as the need to compete in order to be successful. This is why city-people are more impersonable than country-folk. It isn't something to be offended by, just notice how people also have goals and objectives like you and the best way for them to stay on task is to sometimes be rude in rejecting your request.

You can still be proud of who you are (AND YOU SHOULD BE!), just don't become emotionally attached and sensitive to everyone and every action around you.

Answer 4

The keyword is how...it should say why? How implies that you've already made up your mind that the act was horrid and unapproving and that your question is only to express ridicule and sarcasm. The word WHY is perceived as true curiosity.

Some people just react differently to how vs why? Even I do. Its just something that has been conditioned.

It could also be your tone and expression. The tone and expression of non-offensive curiosity sounds neutral and the expression is either relaxed or that of concern.

I know that none of us shouldnt really be offended by someones questions..only outright accusations.

Answer 5

The problem is twofold. The first problem is that some people don't like having their beliefs questioned and therefore accuse those who question their beliefs of being judgmental. The other problem is that there are SOME (sorry about the caps lock) people who try to disguise their judgments has questions.