She is bright and is in her third year of university...thus is hanging out with an older crowd...but still, I wonder if the age difference is too great.
2006-10-08 07:25:31 · 28 answers · asked by Boler 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
We live in British Columbia, Canada. She turns 16 next month.
2006-10-08 07:31:12 · update #1
Regarding the age of consent in Canada, please see: http://www.parl.gc.ca/information/library/PRBpubs/prb993-e.htm
2006-10-08 08:46:12 · update #2
Yes, you have a right! A 15 year old is a minor and needs your protection as a parent (whether she wants it or not). A 21 year old man has no business dating a 15 year old girl.
A 21 year old man may have considerable infuence over your daughter and is likely to be pressuring you daughter into having sex when she is not emotionally or otherwise prepared to deal with that. Also, he can buy alcohol and give it to your daughter. He may trick her into being in love and then take advantage of her. If this 21 year old man becomes intimate with your daughter, that is statutory rape and he can go to jail for that (not to mention your daughter could become pregnant).
Since your daughter is bright and in University, I think she should focus on that in order to build a good future for herself instead of spending energy on a relationship with a 21 year old man. Now this 21 year old might actually be a decent guy, but it is still not a decent relationship. I hope he respects her. You should in the very least meet with the guy and keep a close eye on him.
I was barely 16 years old when I had my first boyfriend, who happened to be 21. My mother actually encouraged the relationship, but I wish she hadn't! He eventually had his way with me after much pressure and guilt trips and forced me to watch porn so I would learn how to "make love" to him. He cheated on me repeatedly, but because it was my first relationship I thought this was normal stuff to deal with and I had no guidance to tell me otherwise so I put up with the abuse.
The result of my relationship was that it gave me some major baggage and set me up for some more bad relationships with men for many years to come. It took prescious energy away from me and caused a lot of pain. I should have spent that time of my life focusing on what I wanted to do with my future while I had the energy and drive to do so.
2006-10-08 09:02:29 · answer #1 · answered by Vianka 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I live in Canada. It's not illegal here. I'll admit when I read the bolded part of your question, I thought That is soo wrong! But when I read the details, my opinion changed a little. She is in University, it's natural that she's going to hang out with older kids, and she probably has more in common with this 21 year old man than she does with a 15 year old boy. Nonetheless, she'll need your emotional support and guidance. Invite the guy over, like for a weekly dinner, make him a part of the family, that way you can keep an eye on them.
Just to clarify for the Americans that are answering this question, and are telling you it's illegal. The age of conscent in Canada is 14.
2006-10-08 08:27:29 · answer #2 · answered by who-wants-to-know 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh yes you do! I am not sure if you are in the USA, but it is illegal for a 15 year old to do anything with a 21 year old! That is a very big age difference and a pretty big difference in maturity level also! I think most parents would question that. Even at 17 I would say it is still questionable, why would someone who is 21 want to date a child? I'm not sure I understand his logic.
2006-10-08 07:28:57 · answer #3 · answered by **KELLEY** 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
well i am 15, and i say yes, although, no offence guys, many guys are quite immature and actually have the same amount of brain power as a 15 year old gurl...lol..if you tell her to stop seeing him she will just see him behind ur back so try and keep this situation open and dont create tension...be easy on her, cos as a 15 soon to be 16 i know that parents do under estimate us, and i think some times they forget they were our age.l..plus its usual for a gurl to date some one older than her i mean think of it this way 15 and 21 or 18 and24, same age gap..just go easy on her and if she is having sex dont tell her to stop because she WONT just get her protected...and make her aware of the dangers, oh and have a private chat with the guy also, try and find out if he really does love her or if he has alternative motives...which is not always the case as suprising as it sounds.
2006-10-08 08:44:14 · answer #4 · answered by ladee_in_luv 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
After reading all the other answers, I hope you agree now that you absolutely have a responsibility to do what you can to stop this relationship. You should make it clear to your daughter that it is totally not ok for her ever to be alone with this man. Explain the creepiness of it. Explain that she's too young to "date" anyone. Explain that just because she is school-smart does not mean that she has the kind of smarts to deal at an equal level with a grown man. Explain that this man's attraction to her is not a sign of her maturity but of his immaturity (or perversity).
This is so scary that unless you're certain your daughter will stop "dating" him," I think that you also need to talk to this man and warn him off. This is best done by Dad (sorry for the sexism, but I think I'm being realistic). No need to be nasty about it, just be firm and clear that you expect them not to be dating, and not ever to be alone together. find out what the law is in your province, and calmly inform him of the legal consequences of such a relationship. Keep in mind that you don't have all the facts of what has been going on between the two of them, so don't be angry or accusatory. Just a good healthy "man-to-man" talk.
2006-10-08 08:05:21 · answer #5 · answered by Marcella S 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Who cares about Canadian laws or whether she's at a University? I wouldn't care if she had a Masters degree and the law was 13 is an adult. It would be different if she was 21 and he was 27, but at 15 your child knows nothing about the world and he is using her to control her and for sex. Don't trust this situation. Any man who dates a child has some serious issues and you don't want your daughter involved with him. Why can't he get a girl his own age? What's wrong with him? Think about it.
2006-10-08 08:06:59 · answer #6 · answered by Christina K. 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What does a 21 year old want with a 15 year old? She is still not at the age of consent (in most states) and you as a parent have the right and obligation to protect your child.
2006-10-08 07:29:39 · answer #7 · answered by sunny 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Yes that age difference is too great. Say something say something. If it's worth your while say something good to her. Why didn't you say something before. You got to be the stupidest......... Don't you know that's rape. Think. Think. When I was 12, I was with a 16 year old. My friends and older brothers and sisters went crazy. My mother was in denial. That was only a 4 year difference. Now you got your sister with a guy who old enough to drink and she ain't even old enough to get emancipated. You've really got to be the stupidest............um, um, um. She ain't even old enough to drive or even get a permit. Question her, yell at her, write her a letter. If this guy is old enough to drink and smoke and no doubt is gonna want sex, what do you think he's gonna have your daughter doing?
2006-10-08 07:44:42 · answer #8 · answered by lolly679 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
There shouldn't be a question of rights, she's 15, he's 21. In the US that's statutory rape. You need to get involved right away, what kind of 21 yo wants to date a 15 yo? Remember when we were 15 we didn't listen to anything our parents said, take the reigns right now or that girl will be off and running.
2006-10-08 07:29:56 · answer #9 · answered by Andy V 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
yes, you have the right to question her. If you love her and is worried about her safety, then you should tell her that. If, of course, she gets into a huge fight with you, straigthen it out. have her talk to you about why she is dating a 21 year old and is there something that she would like to share about. for instance, is there something going on in her school? is there something bothering her? whatever. just have a nice daughter to mother talk and she would really listen. don't act like you're angry though, because then, she would be angry also. be soft, but not too soft.
2006-10-08 10:55:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋