My ex husband sacrificed everything for a relationship with one of his co-workers - our marriage, custody of his son (he has visitation rights) everything we built together in 15 years. He knew her less than six months!
What happened to comittment and til death to us part?
Our marriage was not perfect. We had issues - taking the other for granted was probably the biggest. I will always believe we could have worked out our problems and been together for another 20 years. But...he made the choice.
I am trying to understand how someone does that. Give up everything for someone you barely know. What is going through his mind? What is going through hers? He was a married man who had no respect for his vows, his wife or his family. And you want to be with him - Why??
2006-10-08 06:56:16 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds to me like he thought he was going to have it better, have it easier, have it good some place else. It sounds like he wasn't willing to work at what you had! It makes me very sad to hear stuff like this. I think that he may have given up too soon, without trying, having a lot of unresolved stuff between the two of you. I always say that first you want to work on what you have, and you were together for 15 years, so that was already invested time, energy and most importantly, love! Maybe you want to go at this point, to get yourself some counseling and take care of you! He sounds like he is immature and not ready for the "forever" part of the commitment. I am sorry you had to deal with such pain but in time, you will become that much stronger and oh so much the wiser! So take care of you and the kids! Why would you want to be with him? He sounds like he has his own issues and it isn't for you to figure out. There are some things in life we will never understand, but that's okay. It is not up to you! That's his problem, he's the one who gave up his life thinking that the grass is greener, ya know? So do what is right for you and the kids, you need to get moving forward, it takes time............
2006-10-08 07:07:18 · answer #1 · answered by Laurie S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's tough and difficult to understand how that happens. It may even leave you wondering what you did wrong, but ultimately, he did the wrong and should never have gone with the other woman, even if he was attracted to her. However, we are all human and sometimes these things happen. Dwelling on the whys can drive you insane. If your relationship truly is over, it's time for you to accept it and move past that. If, however, there is a chance you can still work it out, it's time to seek some counseling together. If he is intent on staying with her, just do the best you can to make a life for you and your son. Not only have you lost a husband, he has lost a dad...at least a full-time dad...and you both need each other and need a time for healing. Try searching for a Celebrate Recovery program in a local church to mend your heart.
2006-10-08 07:01:56 · answer #2 · answered by Curious George 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people who cheat are so convinced that the grass is greener on the other side that they would drop everything they've built for that person without even thinking about the consequences. In my opinion, it sounds as though the marriage was over for your husband long before he left u. Sure it could've been worked out but u already answered your own question when u said he had no respect for his marriage vows and his family. That's exactly why he left.
2006-10-08 07:37:23 · answer #3 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex-wife did the same to me after 15 years of marriage. She left the house, the boys and just wanted to be with her new boyfriend. I stopped trying to rationalize it and have moved on. I don't know why, but I am past that part of it. Hope you do well in dealing with yours. Try not to give them the satisfaction of knowing how hurt you are. Make the best of things and move on. I know I would never let her back into my life after that.
2006-10-08 07:02:09 · answer #4 · answered by tko43078 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my frist husbend did that 14 years ago my second husbend did that a few months ago.so i have exp.i believe a man does these things because they need something new she makes him feel good she tells him all the right things. but soon or later that dies out.and he going to feel dum. because he will relieze the grass is not so greener on other side. both of my husbend told me the same thing they regret what they have done. and both have tryed to come back. I allowed my secound husbend come back but that only lasted 4-months and now he back with the other women. My frist husbend barely knew her to but that only lated 2 years. and my husbend been fooling around with this other women for 1 year. and that year he trys to come back home everymonth. Like i said i let him for 4-months and he did it again. You will never trust him
2006-10-08 07:13:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to understand! It really easy! Men and women do crazy things.Mabe someone sparked his attention. maybe it was sex, maybe he was unhappy! That sounds like it! Because if someone REALLY loves you or the relationship , they would not do that! Under any circumstance!There's nothing you can do but try to win him back! Or at least find out why? Good luck and I am sorry!
2006-10-08 07:04:37 · answer #6 · answered by amylr620 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a new relationship, it is exciting, and they hadn't lived together. Obviously he thinks the grass is greener on the other side. It most likely will not last. When reality settles in and problems arise in his new relationship, he is going to be left right where he deserves to be, alone.
2006-10-08 07:13:18 · answer #7 · answered by kandekizzez 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry this has happened to you.
First, I would like to suggest counseling. Nothing we say to you here can truly help you as a counselor would. It is right and fine for you to grieve.
Why he did this, who knows his motivation, and who can understand it......maybe it was the thrill of the chase, maybe he felt needed when he was with her. Why that was more important than you and your son is inexplicable.
Why she wants to be with him -- the excitement? Who knows.
Good luck to you.
2006-10-08 13:33:30 · answer #8 · answered by Beth M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excitement was his motivator! My ex wife left me for the same reason. The guy was 29...she was 42. He swelled her head with flowers, "I love you's", and promises of marriage. I know how it hurts, and share your pain. It will lessen in time! Best of luck to you!!
2006-10-08 07:34:43 · answer #9 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has a pattern of making bad choices.... and I'm sure this co-worker is another bad choice. It will crap out and he will continue to make bad choices. Hang in there, you'll find someone who will make you happy.
2006-10-08 07:19:50 · answer #10 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋