Who is right? Me or my husband?

Question

My father in law is 90 years old and has been sick for the past three months. Unfortunately it is basically a waiting game. My husband has been sleeping at his dad's house for the past two months to help out. My mother in law and brother in law live there too. I am tired of being alone every night and told my husband he needs to be home . I can understand going over one or two nights a week but isn't 7 nights exaggerated. I also told my husband he could spend more time with his dad during the day and then come home at night. Am I wrong? Shouldn't I be one of his priorities?

I forgot to mention that I am not allowed in my inlaws house due to his brother. Also I lost my dad 10 years ago and know what he is going through.

Answer 1

I can understand why he would want to be there. But he also has a wife and shouldn't forget that. I agree with you one or two nights a week is ok but not 7. What was his reaction to what you told him? How far do you guys live from him? If it's just around the corner his mom could call if anything happened and he could be right there. Good Luck

Answer 2

In addition to what the other poster said, just think that if you were to ever get sick, he'd no doubt be at your side all the time. He seems like a very loyal person. Like you said, it's just a waiting game so it's not going to last forever.

Here's an idea: Why don't you go over to your inlaws house with your husband too and help out?

Another thing to consider: If you are complaining all the time, then men tend not to want to come home. That's not to say that you can't have an opinion, but if you keep going on and on about something, then it gets to be a pain.

Answer 3

none of you is wrong but no one is right either, if your husband wants to spend all the time his father has left with him, he is not wrong, maybe you would also have wanted to do the same and since he thinks you understand him well, he is not figuring out that you are not happy with his decision. if you feel lonely then you can also go and stay with them, if possible, he will respect you and love you more for being physically there when he needed you the most.
regarding your being his priority, you always are but when people have little time left, it is your duty to give them all they wish and so your husband is trying to be a good son, just remember he was there when his dad needed him the most and in the sameway he will always be there when you need him in real sense, actually you are getting theser negative thoughts because you are alone, try keeping yourself busy and read some good books, it will help.
always remember, if you are playing an important role in keeping someone happy, God will always reward you for the sacrifices you made.

Answer 4

That is hard since his fathe ris dying. Of course it would be according to how close his family is and also you need to think about his feelings on this one. His father won't be there must longer and then he will not feel any guilt of not being there when the time comes. You will have him the rest of your life so give him this time. You could also go over and stay some with the family so your close to your husband and if that isn't possible stop in at night to give him a hug and just let him know you are there for him.

Answer 5

Your father in law is 90 years old. What does it matter who is right or wrong? Suck it up and leave your husband alone. You don't want to answer the question," why were you so selfish while Dad was dieing?" Do you? He only has one father and one mother, and then you'll have him the rest of your lives. Do the right thing. If you don't like being alone, go with him.....

Answer 6

you have a right to feel that way. maybe 7 nights a week is pretty much, but you should also understand that these are the only last days that he will be able to have with his dad. it will soon be over and he will be back at home. maybe if you are close enough to his family you can stay with him at the house on the weekend at least. remember what is important right now. try to continue to be supportive of him.

Answer 7

You need to focus on your husband's needs at this time. Yes, you should be and probably are a priority for him, but this is a very difficult time!!!!!! You just cannot be in the lime light right now, and if you really love your husband you will be his solid rock of support and not add to his stress at all during this ordeal!!!!!!.
You write as though you have a terrible relationship with your own parents. I hope this is not true.

Answer 8

I dont know if you or him are eathter right. What you should do is go to your in laws house and spend a few days there. Then go home. That way you can be with him for a while, and if you would like to stay a few more days, just do that. If you dont, just go home and you would have had your time with him. Or you can call him. Calling would be simple. (and not waste gas)

Answer 9

Well his Dad's days are numbered let your husband do what he has to do before his Dad passes away. You do not want your husband to resent the fact that his wife would not let him tend to him in his last days of his Dad living. I know you probably feel lonely and it is rather hard but think of it this way at least if something was going to happen to you your husband will be there taking care of you.

Answer 10

Let me ask you this would you be with your dying parent day in and day out. If you find out your answer is yes then put yourself in his shoes and show little more compassion towards your husband. However, ask your husband if you could at least get him to come home for a couple hours so that you two can fool around.