we have been married 1 1/2 years and have been together for 3 this seems to happen in all of my past realationships about a year or 2 into it I dont want to have sex anymore I do what I can to avoid it I'm not intrested in anyone and I'm very faithful I just dont want to have sex no matter how hard I try to tell him thats its not him I know he thinks it is
does anyone know what could cause this since it seems to be a reacuring problem
2006-10-08 05:57:37 · 13 answers · asked by just me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
After about a year or so (it varies) when the novelty wears off, your body produces less chemicals (norepinepherine, dopamine, other endorphins) that cause you to feel a "high" with them. Your body begins to produce more chemicals that deal with the long-term feelings, such as comfort, security, and more relaxed feelings of acceptance. Don't make the misake of assuming it's over. It does have a profound effect on sexuality, but that's just because you don't understand what's going on. This is completely normal, though it is not often a topic of discussion (don't expect to hear about it from your mom or your friends).
This doesn't mean that the passion is gone, that the physical chemistry is gone, or the attraction is gone. It has merely transformed. It means that you need to pay more attention to clearing your mind of all of your responsibilities, obligations, and your partenr's flaws, and focus more on the moment (when you're being physical with him).
Daily exercise, or exericse with your partner can help your body make more of those chemicals that they made when the relationship was new. Rackettball, salsa dancing, and other partner stuff works. If this is not an option, you have to learn to have patience with yourself and your body.
You learn that it takes longer for you to clear the "noise" from your mind. Because of this, you learn that your body takes longer to respond. You have to focus and not give up. You have to take responsibility for your own felings and never criticize your partner. That will only give him performance anxiety (often the cause of ED or PE). If you rush yourself and don't allow yourself the time you need to be satisfied, your partner will feel like a failure because he can't please you. He will take it personally.
You have to be able to say "foreplay begins waaaay before entering the bedroom" and "I need more time for my body to wake up and get with the program" and "I have a lot of 'noise' going on. Let's have a cocktail and chat with the tv off, for a bit".
You have to learn to help yourself along or ask him for help getting your body in the mood, because his responds much faster than yours. You have to do it sometimes, even when you don't feel like it. You know "use it or lose it". But you shouldn't always do it unselfishly, that is, for his benefit only. You should get some release out of it, too.
If you go on a search engine and look up "Dr. Laura Bermen's Passion Files" you will find some enlightening info about long-term relationships, maintaining sexual chemistry, and falling in love all over again and again with your mate. She also has a show on HBO, I think. It's called Sexual Healing.
2006-10-08 06:52:24 · answer #1 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep, Perhaps He Is Not Bathing Before He Touches You? Or He Has Never Taken The Time To Find Your "G " Spot.
Or He Has Been Using You As A "Sperm Receptacle" In order To Relieve Himself? And Not Been Concerned about Your Feelings. Is He Someone that spends at-least 20 Min's on Foreplay, makes sure that you are Wet! before he penetrates You, And insures that you have at-least 4 or 5 orgasms before he "Finishes" or does he leave You High and Dry, Turns His Back, And Snores? ( If So... Find a Lover that wants to "make Love To You)Perhaps, The Problem Lies With Him & not YOU?
2006-10-08 07:18:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This could be hormonal. Have you been on the pill, or were you ever? I really understand, as I have felt that way too, but it's definitely difficult for the man to believe that it's not him. And in a way it is him because he's not new and exciting. I would have my hormone levels checked, or go to the doctor and see if there is something the equivalent of viagra for females that you could try once in a while. Sex is so important to men, that you could lose your husband over it!
2006-10-08 06:04:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to know you are not alone, many women are in the same position as you, so make an appointment to the doctor, they do have a remedy for that problem. Some times it is hormones, some times stress, but your doctor will take care of that. It is good you want help, many blessings!
2006-10-08 06:04:17 · answer #4 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could it be the way you feel about your husband? Are you tired all the time? Sometimes when I'm really tired(which is all the time), I never want sex because its a workout. It could feel good, but I just don't want it. If I were you, I'd check with the physician and research what the problem could be.
2006-10-08 06:03:23 · answer #5 · answered by Golden Scepter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately that could be a marriage breaker. I know I couldn't go without. It's not fair to him either.... kinda like false advertising. He got married with certain expectations regarding the quality and quantity of sex he thought you were gonna provide and now you're gonna cut him off completely?? I'd have issues with that.
2006-10-08 07:33:23 · answer #6 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should've been open and honest (like all Women claim they are and all claim they want men to be) from the beginning, and let him decide if that's something he wanted to deal with later on. It's such a double standard in this country, men are supposed to be honest but women can pick and choose....
2006-10-08 07:21:27 · answer #7 · answered by rwallace13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he satisfying your sexual needs? Or is he just getting himself off?
I can't imagine getting tired of sex if it good and you are having orgasms.
Get some counseling, since this seems to be a pattern....
2006-10-08 06:07:17 · answer #8 · answered by easinclair 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be that your sex drive is low often cause by a hormonal inbalance.......Try seeking a doctors advice.....
2006-10-08 06:02:03 · answer #9 · answered by tutsie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you have a porn addiction? i just went to this meeting about porn... and if you look at porn a lot and or have a porn addiction it may become harder and harder for you to have real sexual pleasure w/ your significant other. it has ruined many people's relationships this way. this is totally true. i'm just guessing... but if you do look at porn, this could very possible be your problem
2006-10-08 06:05:35 · answer #10 · answered by mayso 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋