I just recently found out about these 4 affairs. A letter was sent to me from one of his girlfriends. He swears he will be faithful but I don't believe a word he says. I believe he was in love with one of these woman. Can our marriage survive?
2006-10-08 05:09:53 · 34 answers · asked by hfitzgerald38 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The best thing to do is to have an affair of your own.
2006-10-08 05:12:53 · answer #1 · answered by onelonevoice 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Doubtful.. sorry but its not like he slipped once, he did this 4 different times.. and im sorry a man that can continually cheat on his wife.. has zero respect for his wife, for his marriage, or for his family.. he's only sorry because he finally got caught.. he should of been sorry the first time he slipped up.. but he wasnt, he did it again, and again and again....
Im sorry but i just dont see how a man that has continuously led a double life so many times, can suddenly decide to be faithful after so many affairs with so many different women.. i know its heart breaking, as my husband too cheated on me, but u'll never feel whole again if u stay with him, it will always be in the back of your mind.. and u'll never be able to trust him again.. theres just to much damage.. and id really be surprised if u can work this out.. doesnt mean u shouldnt try if u want to.. but from past expierences, and knowing women that have gone through the same thing, theres always an extreme price paid and its usually by the one that didnt commit the adultery..
You have a daughter.. what would u want her to do? if she was the one in this situation? Would u expect her to stick around for more torture? or would u want her to find happiness again and say she's just not going to take it?.. These are decisions only u can make..
But hun.. after so many affairs.. i dont think ur husband can be faithful to u .. he may want to be now, but after awhile another will come along and when he feels ur no longer watching him with a "hawk" eye, he will.. and this time he'll be more clever then before.. so u have to decide if u want to accept this and put up with.. or move on and save urself from a life time of insecurties and fear..
2006-10-08 05:27:04 · answer #2 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO your marriage is obviously not surving if your husband is/has had affairs.
Once a man has an affair there are bound to be more, DIVORCING him is your only option now.
Do not stay together for the sake of your daughter. She will be the one who gets hurt in the end. Decisions like this are never easy, but if you really want to find a loving, honest, truthful man who will care for you and your daughter and one that will be true to heart you need to move on and find him. I guarantee you he is out there.
Believe me you will not find that with your current hubby as he has proven to be a cheat and once a cheat always a cheat.
Good Luck!
2006-10-08 14:47:01 · answer #3 · answered by ne_patriots2005 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Finding out the man you've committed your life to and raised a family with has committed adultery is the hardest pill for a wife to swallow. These men and some women arent even concerned with the pain they inflict upon their spouses and at times could careless. They say they love you and will promise to be faithful, but when their selfish and callous nature kicks back in the promises they told you are all empty words. That's exactly what your husbands words are empty and pointless. A man who truly values his marriage vows wouldnt think of having an affair with someone else. If this man didnt want to be married he should have stayed single because the biggest problem with these losers are the fact that they deprive their spouses male and female of their lives and the energy and time it went into the marriage. What husband or wife is going to accept sharing their spouse with someone else? There are spouses bringing home STDs to their husbands and wives and think nothing of the consequences. Sounds like your husband isnt happy with you anymore and if he admitted to falling in love with one of his mistresses this has been developing for some time because when a man falls in love with a woman he's had an affair with that indicates he's not happy in his marriage. Obviously this woman he's been involved with has something he's not finding with you. He's a coward if he can't be a man and tell you what his problem is and why he feels the need to seek out sex and companionship with another woman. Here's the kicker women who involve themselves with men who are taken or married are lonely and feel that any man is better than no man, but in the end they're more lonely because a married man isnt leaving his wife for her few men do. That woman who mailed you a letter is in fact doing a disservice to herself by trying to explain her reason for being involved with your husband because she's causing you more pain and distress by even introducing herself to you which was not even called for. It's amazing how these women are bold enough to do that by introducing themselves to the wife or girlfriend like they're looking to be buddies. It's sad that people who don't want to be married or involved are depriving the very people they live with of their happiness and their right to a honest trusting relationship.
2006-10-08 07:44:58 · answer #4 · answered by nabdullah2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most marriages don't survive infidelities....
Are you up to the task and is he up to the task of trying to make things work? It will be an uphill battle till death do us part.
Once trust is broken in a marriage it rarely returns.
Everyone handles this situation differently. Some women choose to look the other way, some don't care and others cannot bear the thought and humiliation of such an act.
You said it yourself, "I don't believe a word he says"
I'm sorry this has happened to you, no one deserves to find out such a terrible thing in such a manner, but at least you know the truth and have options.
I hope you are able to find peace and happiness....
2006-10-08 05:25:23 · answer #5 · answered by easinclair 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You first need to answer the question do you want your marriage to survive? And if you do want your marriage to survive - ask yourself why? I am divorced and it is scary to leap into the unknown after identifying yourself for years as a wife. The reality is sometimes lonely, sometimes sad but mostly wonderful. It's real. You don't hide anything, you are not ashamed of a bad marriage and you are no longer leaving your happiness in the hands of someone who doesn't deserve it. A person that cheats, doesn't just cheat you. He cheated your child, your family, your friends and your life. He lied to you and lived his life with no integrity and thought for the consequences upon you, your child or your family. Ask yourself carefully, why you want to stay married to someone that lies. You deserve to have a life that is not filled with hypocrisy and lies. Stand on your own two feet and know that you can get through this and you don't need him pulling you down.
2006-10-08 05:51:22 · answer #6 · answered by working mother 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Find a good divorce lawyer. A cheater is not reliable. He obviously didn't take his wedding vows seriously if he's had 4 long term affairs. Even 4 one night stands is inexcusable in 10 yrs time.
2006-10-08 10:15:54 · answer #7 · answered by mikey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. The feelings of betrayal must be huge. Sorry that you have to go through all of this. He sounds like an ******. There's nothing wrong with trying to save a marriage and I commend you if you are willing to try under these circumstances and I thing everyone would understand as well if you kicked his butt to the curb.
Good luck.... I hope things work out for the best.
2006-10-08 07:45:33 · answer #8 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the only person that can truly answer your own question! Can you actually forgive your husband? That means not bringing this current situation up in fights and nagging him about it! That means never mentioning this situation ever again! If you can forgive and not bring up the past, then with some counseling, possibly your relationship can survive! If you can't then guess it is time to watch you two on Divorce Court!
2006-10-08 05:23:13 · answer #9 · answered by Lady D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
4 affairs? He is using you as an anchor point - someone he can always go back to after he has some fun....Try to find out why he did this - he probably won't have a good reason. One affair witha reson you could understand well maybe...but 4. Hate to say it, but see him in divorce court, clean him out, get counseling for yourself and move on.
2006-10-08 08:20:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you said that you think that he was in love with one of these woman jus tells you alot.....
He has now put this doubt in your mind that every time he out is he cheating on you.....
Only if you could live with this knowing that wat he did and he can do it any time he please because if he did love you he would have never done this to you in the first placed. As for having a daughter she might learn the wrong prinicple if you stay for you should tell her the truth about what her father did and hence your reason for leaving him so she learns not to take any bullshit from any man especially when they do something like this.....
Be brave and move on because you already wasted 10yrs of your life with someone who didn't treasure you....
2006-10-08 05:33:39 · answer #11 · answered by tutsie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋