is it okay to ask m y husband where he is going when he leaves the house?

Question

my husband does not work, so I have no idea what he does when he leaves the house.I feel like its my right as the wife to know where he is going and what he is doing. But he thinks that I am nagging him. If I ask him to take me and the kids somewhere it turns into a fight because he doesn't want to be with us. But he is quick to go when a "friend" wants him too. He doesn't answer me if I ask where he is going and gets mad cause he feels likehe shouldn't answer to me. But then if I wanna leave he asks a million questions and gives me a curfew!!! Normally he doens't even let me go anywhere anyways. I am stuck in the house..so I want him to be as well. Or if he leaves then maybe take me and our two sons with him. It burns me up not knowing where he is or what he is doing at all times. he has cheated on me SO MANY times that I feel if he wants to gain my trust again then he should be honest and tell me what he's doing!! am I wrong??

please dont say divorce him cause im trying too

info: I am american but am living in Italy where he is from, therefore running out the door not the answer. I have no car, no money of my own(his father has the $) and I have a kid that can not legally leavethis country so this is a rough sitution!!

Answer 1

As you said that you don't know where he going yet he cheated you so many times then the answer is there he has someone else........
And its your duty as a wife to find out where her husband is going....
Try following him one of these days and see what exactly he does that's the only way of really knowing the truth....
And its sad to know that you have no one to turn to.....
Try asking your parents for help to return to America and see where that puts you or try saving a little by little and fix your child papers....If you're leaving don't leave your children behind........
And try praying to God and he will assist you as much as he can......Take care.....PS Jus don't blame yourself for his mistake.

Answer 2

That is tough...and sadly if you married him when he had cheated before...I hate to say that you walked into this one. Nevertheless...it still sucks. It's common courtesy to let people know where you are going. It's different in how you ask. "Where you headed?" And he says golfing with Jack, for example. It's different if you ask "where are you going, who else is going, what time is the tee time, then where?" I know you get the point, but it's easy to let the trust issues come out. He should volunteer the information, and if not...not be mad when you ask.

It sounds like you 2 have a lot to deal with...but try some counselling before you get a divorce, at least for the kids sake. Also, about the "not allowed" business...that's rediculous! I dated a boy that had all sorts of rules for me...that is no way to live. Do what you want, go where you want...just make sure you are doing it with respect to the others involved. If you want him to do things with you and the kids, they make an activity like going to the zoo for example...invite him to come with YOU, and if he says no then it's his loss and you'll still have a great day, and probably get closer to your kids. You have your own free agency to choose so use it! Best of luck, and sorry that he has cheated on you, that is the worst feeling one should have to go through with the person they love most.

Answer 3

Can I first ask, if your always home, and he doesn't work...........how do you 2 take care of your 2 boys?

I have not known of a married couple that didn't ask where the other was going, or where, if they were really concerned about it.

If he's cheated before so many times, then need you really ask where he's going? NO! You already know.

I'm proud of you for starting and seeking a divorce. This way you can move on, and not be a bit worried about where he is or what he's doing. Sounds like your sons could be better human beings too, if their raised around people who have to go out and work for a living.

Answer 4

Its a matter of respect , not so much of a "He has to tell you" he should tell u, out of respect for you.. what if there was an emergency and u needed to get in contact with him.. what if he was in a car accident stuck in a ditch somewhere how would u know where to go look for him???? .. its a matter of common curteousy, not the fact that he has to "report" to u, but communication is the key to a marriage.. and well as ur finding out even the most trivial of communication gaps can cause problems in a marriage..
Would u just let ur child leave the house and not have to tell u where they are going or when they will be back.. NO!!!! why not? because u need to know where to find them.. u need to make sure they are safe, and it would be disrespectful to u as parents if they just left and actted like they ran the show..
Your husband is being double standard he seems to think by "RESPECTING U" that its deminishing his abilities to be a man and do what he wants when he wants.. makes him feel like ur governing over him like a Parent.. but what he fails to realize is that its a form of respect not that u telling him what to do or how to do it.. but along with good parenting comes respect.. and thats where he's getting the two confused, yet is willing to "Govern" your actions to the point of treating u like a child by giving u a cerfew.. U both need to realize this is a Partnership, not an ownership.. and u both need to realize that "respect" of each other is a major key in a marriage as well.. but to get respect u have to earn respect.. and he's wanting respect for just being a man and nothing else which sorry but that doesnt work.. if he wants the respect of being able to do as he wishes he needs to show u the respect of simply letting u know where he's going.. ur not asking alot other then knowing where, and if he's that defensive about it, then he's obviously up to no good, cause if it was something innocent he should have zero problem with just saying hey im going over to Georges for a couple hours to watch the game.. be back in a few.. ect.. but he wants to come and go as if he was single.. and sorry it doesnt work that way...

Answer 5

This sounds like a relationship that needs to morph a bit. You need to change. Not to be understanding of him but to be a bit more assertive. He is abusing the relasionship (not you). So it's time to stop him from doing it anymore. Don't ask anymore. Demand. Give him a curfue. Tell him "NO your staying at home and for that matter do the dishes you punk *** loser." Don't back down. Hope your parents and you are on speaking terms 'cause you and the kids may be moving in real quick, and this isn't such a bad idea either. The word DIVORCE tends to wake guys up real quick, but be prepared for an idiot responce.

Answer 6

If he's been cheating before... then you know all the telltale signs. If he's not working, where is he getting money to go out? Is he driving his own car, or yours? Don't give him any money, don't give him the keys to your car, and don't allow him to do what he wants while you and the kids are left to fend for yourslves.

It's more than "okay" to ask him where the heck he's going. As his wife, it is your absolute right to know.... especially if he's cheated on you before. If he's not willing to work at building up your trust in him again, then maybe you should just go ahead and send him & his things off to his mom's.

Answer 7

Of cause you have the right to know where he is going, what if you need to contact him urgently. I understand your concern seen as he has cheated so many times before.
Quite frankly you seem to be controlled totally by this man, you have the right to have some time to yourself, without the children too. He should be having time with you and the children and taking you places.
Gee why stay with a man that treats you so badly?? Dont say for the kids sake as I doubt it would be doing them any good having this man who has cheated on you many times before around.Now he is just controlling you , no questions answered.
Just start taking care of yourself and the children I say. Youre Not Wrong, but staying is not Right either.

Answer 8

The big question that comes to me is; why is he not working? Is he out of work, looking for work? If this is yes, tell him to sign up at the temp employment agencies. They will start you working immediately. A paycheck every week works wonders for the male ego.

Can you follow him when he goes out? No car, ask someone you know to drive you.

If he is cheating, then you should go to a doctor for a physical. You and your kids NEED TO KNOW if you have any diseases.

If not divorce, get a marriage counselor. If he threatens you, call 911. You do not need a threat in your life.

Answer 9

appears like they want couseling. try looking an area shrink and only getting the cardboard. As her to dinner and only hand it to her and say, " i'm not attempting to yet in, yet I only prefer to renowned you 2 are ok. you do not ought to circulate, yet i'm making an attempt using fact i'm your buddy and that i admire you and prefer to ascertain you chuffed." somewhat some ppl have anger issues. A nosy mom in regulation isn't helping the two. there is not an excellent purchase you're able to do. it is a few thing the two considered one of them will ought to ascertain on their very own. only be sure you beware for bruises and stuff. you have the desire to verify there is not any relatives abuse happening. If there is, attempt to cajole your buddy to circulate away. not something is properly worth getting overwhelmed over. dropping a pal is confusing, yet purely time can heal that style of discomfort. a stable shrink ought to help the technique alongside lots quicker however. purely a theory and robust success!

Answer 10

Hes cheated a number of times and hes going out without telling you where hes going or what hes doing and when you ask, he calls you a nag and turns it into an arguement. Why are you allowing all this? He doesnt MAKE you stay home. If you wanna go out, just go. Dont answer his questions and come back when you please. Hes doing what hes doing because thus far, you have allowed it. You cant stop him from going out, and neither can he stop you if you so chose. You already know what hes doing.
And why isnt he working??