I have lived with my mother-in -law now for the past 12 yrs, i want a place of are own hubby says no!!!!!! he is staying where we are, so i told him i was leaving, am i wrong?
2006-10-08 03:35:27 · 25 answers · asked by krista a 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The problem isn't hubby, it's his mom. But the problem started at his birth and there is nothing you can do to change it now. Don't leave him, at least not yet. If you've decided to no matter what, go and buy a one bedroom room cottage while you are still together. When no one is home move everything that is yours and your husbands to the new house. Everything. Change all business contact address to your new home and all accounts into your name only. Then tell him this is where both of you live now and he needs to come home. Don't give him a key until he has stayed at least one night with you. Then if he moves home to mommy, file for divorce and make him pay for everything. All he knows is the strong arm of his mother you have to be harder on him and lay down the law, up and above his mom. Be sure it's as great a distance away as possible. Yes it will rock his and moms world but it will only destroy them if they refuse to accept it, that's their choice, you've made yours (after they shoved theirs down your throat for 12 years). If he wants to leave you for mommy he should pay. 12 years is enough. Don't move out empty handed you have 12 years invested get what is yours. Use a lawyer.
2006-10-08 04:17:16 · answer #1 · answered by Love is the principle thing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bummer, if you have kids it's best to stay. But, what a life arrrrgh! If no kids, then if you have your own job and can afford it, Move out! Get a nice place (apartment not house, if there is a divorce he'll go after it) Invite him over once the dust settles and he will see how nice it is without momzie. If no job get one. Because your gonna need the cash for a lawyer. If all goes well, check out the idea of buying a home. You've been married too long now not to have one of your own. Note: The hard part of this, is once your on your own (away from hubby) you may enjoy it too much and want to stay that way. That's not what i was advising. Marriage is not something to be thrown away that easily....... After thinking about it some more, even if you have kids move out. That's not a kind of life to live.
2006-10-08 10:51:14 · answer #2 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. I wouldn't make my wife live with my Mom unless we were homeless and broke and had no other options. A couple years ago, my wife and I were in a bad financial situation and had to move out of our house so we stayed with my wifes Mom. We were there only for 6 weeks, just long enough to save for a deposit on an apartment. I would never do it again unless absolutely necessary. A couple needs to have a place of their own where they can work on their relationship without any interference. Mother in laws can be great, don't get me wrong we love our Moms but living with them is just too much! 12 years is way too long. I don't understand why he wouldn't want to have a place to call your own. Maybe you could approach him with the angle that his Mom would probably like to have her home back. It sounds like he's never been ready to leave the nest. It's time for him to learn to fly on his own. Have you tried counseling? If he's not taking your feelings into account he's not being fair to you at all. I wouldn't put up with it much longer.Good luck!
2006-10-08 10:48:27 · answer #3 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not really. I have the reverse conditions. My wifes mom has been withus the last 6 yrs due to 2 severe strokes out of 27 yrs married and it has haunted me everyday since. Its been a nightmare as we have to schedule our vacations around her. My eldest daughter got married and moved out because of her. We have to haul her everywhere we go. Its been such a nightmare that a day hasnt gone by that Ive wished or prayed that something would happen and she d move on to another world. I love my wife dearly and after 27 yrs married, I couldnt move on with what weve been thru. I now think she hopes something will happen to her mom too. So personally I dont think youre wrong in feeling the way you do and I wish you the best of everything in dealing with this. I wouldnt even wish this on my worst enemies.
2006-10-08 10:59:48 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you are right. When two persons are in an instituition like mairrage; you need to have your own space and privacy. So yes after 12 yrs if say this it's well and good you do need your own place but your husband sounds like he does not like being away from his mom; she seems to offer security that's why he does not want to move and if you have kids than there is someone to take care of them free off cost. Living somewhere else can be hectic with young kids.
2006-10-08 10:41:07 · answer #5 · answered by coolricky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My GF and I shared a place with my mum for a short while because we were both unemployed and skint.
Didn't work out so well really.... There's still nuclear fallout in the area now lol.
Everyday I was piggyin the middle. I was getting the blame for my GF trying to live her life the way she wanted etc. Mother would stay awake til 5am keeping both of us awake etc.......
I'd never recommend anyone try it. Mothers try to rule the roost and think they are gods gift and have all the control.
If you want to go, your man should understand. If he doesn't then you have some hard choices ahead.
Good luck
J
2006-10-08 10:49:33 · answer #6 · answered by J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. But you all should of discussed the living situations before you all got married. Seems he is quite a momma's boy.
You are not in the wrong. I would understand that you want a place of your own so you and him can be together and start your own family.
If he cannot listen to you and your reasons for wanting to leave then apparently he does not want to make this marriage work.
Now if his mother is deathly sick or have a life threatening disease or incapable of taking care of herself... that could be a different story. He may feel obligated to take care of her and make sure she is ok.
2006-10-08 10:38:57 · answer #7 · answered by Keith Perry 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it a house that has a lot of space, and is a very nice place. If so, could you two afford a place like that on your own. If it is not, go find a place that the two of you can afford and just get it, move out, and if he really wants you he will move with you.
2006-10-08 10:52:21 · answer #8 · answered by lifescircle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say no. What you have been asked to do is somewhat ridiculous stay with your mother in law ohh that just sucks. 12 year's wow all I can say is that's a long time
2006-10-08 10:47:42 · answer #9 · answered by shawn_mauldin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are both in the financial position of moving out then there's no excuse to be living at his mothers house. no i would not make my wife do that. i'm a male but us guys shouldn't have a wife as a slave. they should have a choice.
2006-10-08 10:54:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋