I am a soldier currently deployed in Iraq and I return home soon......?

Question

I have been deployed for 11 months now and I come home really soon, my wife of 2 years wants to throw this whole big party and invite everyone to see me the minute I get back. I told her all I wanted was to spend some quiet alone time with her and she got mad, what am I to do?

have been deployed for 11 months now and I come home really soon, my wife of 2 years wants to throw this whole big party and invite everyone to see me the minute I get back. I told her all I wanted was to spend some quiet alone time with her and she got mad, what am I to do?

Also... We just bought a new place and we aren't really close (location wise) to our friends and family. One of my concerns is that people are gonna drive from Dallas (2-3 hour drive) to see me for 15-20 minutes. Also I would be a bit jet lagged as it is a 22 hour flight and the military has you wait around for such things, not to mention formations and getting my bags and just driving home (another 30 minutes) The person with the best advice will get 30 POINTS from me.

Answer 1

If you can't handle a party, then you can't handle a party. But your wife probably has pressure from friends and family to mark your return in some public way. Women tend to be more social and they are expected to put together these events. If we don't do it, we are sometimes seen by other women as letting down the side. Plus, she may even be a little bit nervous on your return, just it's been eleven months.

If I were you, I'd lean toward supporting your wife and letting her throw a party. Although, I can see why you want some alone time with your lady. It's actually pretty romantic. But that alone time is going to work better if both of you are happy and if you don't have friends and family wanting to drop buy or call.

Let her do the party, but then at the party, pull her in close. Ask people to stop talking for a moment. Say something about how glad you are that your friends and family have come buy to mark your return. But then say, that you plan to spend a few days alone with your wife and love and that you hope everyone will respect your privacy for the next few days. You can say than with a wink and maybe give your wife a big kiss at this point if you and she don't mind a little public displays of affection.

Write her a letter and explain your concerns. This way, you guys don't get distracted during the conversation and start arguing. Also, let her know you can't do a party the same day you get back.Wow, that just wouldn't work.

Laura

Answer 2

My husband was deployed in the Middle East for a whole year. When he came home, my son and I met him at the airport. We were so excited that we couldn't keep our hands off each other. That day went by soooo fast that we didn't even have time to stop and think. It didn't even feel real that he came home until the next day. I know that you want that 'quality alone' time with your wife, but really there will be so much to think and talk about that you don't know WHAT is going on. Have your friends and family over, and by the time they are gone, you and she will of calmed down enough to really SEE each other. Your homecoming day will really just be a blur. Good Luck and Thank You for all that you have done for us.

Answer 3

Compromise is the key here. See if she would be willing to have the party the following day. I can only imagine how excited everyone is to have you coming home but I think people will understand if you wait until the next day. That way you wont be so stressed out trying to get to the house in time for everyone and being exhausted on top of that. Talk to her and tell her the pros and cons of having a party the minute you get home, that way she can see both sides of the fence without getting defensive about the situation. I think she would be more likely to agree with you if you went that route. Good luck and thanks for putting your life on the line for our country.

Answer 4

Let her throw the party smile and have fun and remember that she is doing this because she is proud of you and wants everyone to know that you are back. What you have done is a big deal and she is asking that you participate for a couple of hours and then it will be just the 2 of you.
Call her back and tell her that you thought about it and you think a party is a great idea and tell her you can not wait to see her.

Answer 5

I've been deployed many times in 18 years in the Navy, and have been through this exact same situation. I felt the same way you do. BUT.......you need to think of both sides in this one. She's proud of you, and so are the people that will be there. Enjoy the time with everyone. You will have plenty of alone time. In fact, after you spend some time with the large group, make an announcement that you appreciate the welcome home, and now you're going to leave to spend some quality time with your wife. Everyone will wink and understand.
Thank you for serving my brother in arms, and enjoy your time home to the fullest!!

Answer 6

Be honest with her and tell her your reasoning why behind this.. Just saying no i don't want it yes she'll be hurt but if you explain the fact that honey what i really want is to have you all to myself i've been away 11 months and i have alot of catching up to do. wink wink. and that sure we can have a party for me but let me get settled first also i will be jet lagged from the long flight and i would feel much better if i could relax first and i would have a much better time at this party. and i know you would put so much work into it I hate to be a downer at the party and excuse myself I wouldn't want to dissapoint you like that after putting all this work together for me.

Let me spend time with you first. Your my first priority.
You see this way your letting her down easy.. Your also explaining the whys of being jet lagged tired etc..
and most of all your letting her know You rather spend time with her and how much she means to you.. You get brownie points that way too. hehe wink wink. so she can't be mad at you for that. She'll love that your thinking of her above everything else.

You can't help but win this arguement.

HEHEHH good luck.

Answer 7

I know its not what you want but try and enjoy the party. I know from experience (husband is Navy) that sometimes when your deployed for so long and then come back as much as your wife is happy to have you home it's also kind of awkward at first to have you home. You've been away for so long that it takes alittle time to get adjusted again. I understand were your coming from because your tired and just want some one on one with your wife (I know how my husband is) but she may need the little extra time to get reacquainted with you. So just let her have her party and then you can have yours once you get rid of everyone.

Answer 8

I agree with you. Being an ex-soldier I know how you feel. Explain to her that you'll need time to rest up from the jet-lag.
Going over isn't too bad, but coming back is a *****!!!
See if she will give you a few days and maybe you can have the shindig at the Parents instead. You don't want to go falling asleep at the party do you?

Answer 9

Ask her to Invite the people over after you have had time to relax, and spent a day or 2 with her, just have her put off the party for maybe 2 days.

Answer 10

I think she'll get over it.

Tell her your reasons, and thank her for her thoughtfulness.
Maybe you can plan to have a bigger party after you have been home for a few weeks. Talk to her about that, and maybe she'll feel better about it.

Just make sure you tell her how much you appreciate the thought, but explain how much you really just want to be home with her for a little bit before too much more.