Why does no one understand that what i've been through doesn't get forgotten jus because im not there anymore?

Question

i was abused as a young child. i've been in foster care for ten years, but i still get down about the past. i don't disturb people about it, i jus tell them im fine and want to be left alone, yet they seem to think im asking for more attention, i've heard it several times that i play on my past. i don't understand why they cant accept that life hasn't been easy and if im down i dont want them to make things worse, i just want them to leave me alone so i can search for the answer to my past on my own.
i dont know if anyone else has been through this but i would really appreiciate a serious comment on why people seem to think that if something bad happens it can be forgotten in a few days and not re-visited, coz i dont think its that simple.

Answer 1

Hi there you are not alone at all I work with young people and many have a history of all sorts of abuse. It is your brains way of dealing with things at are too awful to possibly get your head around. When people ask "how are you" you just say OK but really deep deep inside you are bleeding to death. Isolation is not a way forward you need first of all to start trusting someone and unload your feelings and emotions. You could find a counselling service in your community which might be able to help.

I urge you to deal with this a lot of my clients turn to alcohol, drugs, self abuse etc because as they get older they cannot cope. If I can help you contact me I cannot promise a miracle but I honestly will not judge you. Good Luck Dirky

Answer 2

When someone continues to ask you, how you are? it might be they see or feel your sadness, only wanting to remind you they are there for you. We all Known it cant be forgotten erase forever

To help those to understand what you want them to, try giving them something more than just leave me alone, I am fine. (Because the truth is you re not fine your feel down and looking for answers)
Thank them for asking and simply say you re feeling down and just feel the need to be alone right now, Or that you don't feel like talking right now, You just want some quite time alone.

We have all had something in our lives that has happen to us that we will never to be the same because of it. We are all looking for answers.

We want to heal each other. We want everyone to find peace within themselves and others. We want them to have the answers they are seeking but to accept there may be no answer.

Either way one must find an understanding to comfort ourselfs
So we don't liveour whole lives in the past, in our pain
We have a future to live.
NOT ALL IS BAD
There is hope. Just believe and have faith.

Answer 3

I think that if you havent' come from a place and past with that kind of pain people won't understand. I have had people tell me that I talk about my childhood abuse too nonchalantly. For me I have just gotten to a place where I can talk about it w/o feeling embarrassment about what has happened and know that it isnt' my fault. Do I still get down about it yea, am I seeking attention no, sometimes I want to remember to help me shed more light on the situation. I have two girls and I want to make sure I rcognize the signs if I ever see the signs in them. You will always revisit those dark places even when you are able to accept it for what it was and see the "light". When and if you have kids when they reach certain ages it will trigger memories as it did for me. It is ok to go and reflect on your own just dont' dwell in that place and let it consume you and become depressed. That wont' help and maybe that is what people see and are trying to help. You will have to accept help but only when your ready.

Answer 4

Hi and I can really relate to your story, similar but not the same ... I was abused as a young child & teen then I was shipped off to my nans to live till I was 18. Life at Nans was great. Though I did search for answers as to why, and how. It wasnt till late 30's after having 3 children I found out the answers. No it cant be forgotten and no your not looking for attention you are just looking for those answers and when they are solved new ones do arise. You are your own person and you will handle them in your own time. You must be strong as you have come to this site and asked for anyone else... have you thought in talking to someone proffessionally not a shrink a counsellor from my experience I found them very helpful and they will put you in touch with the relevant people who can really help you find those answers.

Good Luck with your journey

Answer 5

I know it would be something to remind you of every waking day. But whether you suffered physical or sexual abuse, you'll never get past the doorstep of that period of your life until you begin to dream, make plans for exactly how you want you adult life to be lived. If I'd have been raised in foster care and am reminded by "how are you", I'd be exploring where I wanted to relocate to when I became of age. Move away where no one knows you and have new & greater goals for your life. You may need counseling to help you understand why & what makes things happen. Best of luck to get this past life behind you.

Answer 6

Ok... let me give this a go. Now this is gonna be realistic real world advice so you better give me the 10 points for best answer. I'm just kidding I would love to help you out here:

Children who are abused, and raped and such have mental and psychological effects that will affect them from time to time and nobody knows that more than the person personally affected. People view it as why does she keep wanting to rehatch the past, alot is due to the subconsicous fear of becoming better and not having that issue anymore. The only real solution to this problem is to SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP. Thinking that you can handle something like that on your own is insane. You will only make matters worse over time

I.E. if you were raped you will become promiscious becuase it s what you think is okay to do.

Answer 7

If you feel that your actions does not give the cause the other people are complaining about - then ignore them and treat your life as it would fit you best!!

However, out of own experience it is better if you can have a close friend you can trust to talk to whenever the need arises...

The only thing is finding such a friend... (Just make more friends...)

If you already have one then - there you go!!

Answer 8

i have had bad experiences in the past to. my ex aborted a baby on me and told me that she had had a miscarriage. the only thing i had wanted was a baby for as long as i can remember, when she eventually told me , this led to depression and an attempted suicide. people still comment on me when i relate to how i felt then, or how over protective i am of my daughter now and how i dont trust my g/f 100% of the time. now i know this may not be as bad as your experiences, but different things affect people in different ways. ignore the people who comment coz they wont understand until they have had something bad happen to them

Answer 9

ohhh..i feel for you..You are right of course..what has been done can not be forgotten in a few days. And it will stay in you for a long time!..I hope you are getting some professional counselling for your past. I have gone thru council ling . It was the hardest thing I ever had to do..face the pain in me. But it helped..and cleared my mind of the horrible thoughts and views i had deep inside me. Ppl who say to you..it's over..get over it..have nooo clue !

*gives you a hugggg*...take care of yourself hun..your worth it!

Answer 10

some of people have different reaction in giving support to their fam and friends
i think they did it because all of them are really care and love you...maybe they are scared if you might think that you are abandoned or left behind by them which may lead you to a suicide... the only things that they don't wanna hear...
being alone can be helpful sometimes... but maybe they love too much and don't wanna let you alone... or they wanna show you how precious you are for them...