Hello i am a 38 year old M, married to a 33 year old woman. We have been together for almost a year and married 7 months, In the begining the sex was great. It was actually incredible and every where and at all times everyday. We have had our problems, we seperated for about a month. I was mentally abusive, never physical. I know what I did wrong and have said I am sorry and i got help. She involved her family with everything and they no longer like me. I was turning my hurt into anger and that wasn't right. We have gotten back together now. I love her and she says she loves me. There is no more abuse or names and we now talk a lot and when I get upset I leave until I cool down. The problem I am having there is no sex none what so ever. She says its gonna take time, but on the other hand while we were apart she slept with someone else she didnt even care about. She has been no angel here, I just wanted to say what i did. What do you think here. Help please.
2006-10-07 23:40:03 · 19 answers · asked by buddabear38 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also I am having sugery this week and she says she wanted to help me thru it. She runs to her family everytime something goes wrong. She choses them over me always. I am last. She lied about a lot of things as well. I wanted you to see more then just the names. I also am getting a lot of money from my grandmas estate soon. But like I said she says she loves me but no sex. But she didnt love this other person and that was ok to have sex with while we were apart for a month? What do you think.
2006-10-07 23:43:09 · update #1
You say give her time because I was wrong and she needs time to heal then why did she sleep with someone that she didnt care about while we were apart. If she needed time to heal that sure didnt take mush to screw someone else that she didnt love. But she says she loves me? Think about this all and then respond please.
2006-10-07 23:47:07 · update #2
Sometimes it takes a while to work back up to having sex with someone who hurt you emotionally. Perhaps you can start out with kissing & cuddling/make-out sessions at first... gradually progressing into sex as time passes. You could maybe even try mutual masturbation... watching each other but not touching... if she'd agree to do that. Sexual frustration sucks... but being abused by someone you love is even worse and will take more time to heal.
Have patience.... good luck!
2006-10-07 23:46:58 · answer #1 · answered by Jemmie Vee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good that you got help for your problem. As for her cheating on you during the separation, it was an error on her part, but not wanting to have sex with you since getting back together could mean other things (or it could be like she said, you never know), think about counseling. But it's not right for her to get her family involved every time something doesn't go the way she wants. As for your surgery, why is she involving her family again? Are the lies significant enough for you to have doubts about her? As for your settlement, be careful, she could just be staying with you until you receive it. Watch out, if you find out that is the case, file for divorce before you get the settlement.
2006-10-08 07:06:46 · answer #2 · answered by Tawney 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my opinion here is that you only knew each other for 5 months before you got married. Unfortunately I think there is so much damage in a short period of time that this marriage may not be save unless both of you stop being so stubborn and work together. Sex is not everything and if you want to have sex with her let her know that you are truly sorry. She should not have had sex with someone else and I think that might be one of the downfalls to this marriage unless you are able to let it go
2006-10-08 06:49:53 · answer #3 · answered by kelsey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say she had sex when you were apart . Ok that was her urge not the love. She was neutral to that man with whome she had sex ,as there was no mental disurbance with him. But she has some mental tension with you , and though she loves you there is no sexual urge for her with you. She knows it that once you both are normal with each other mentally she can have and enjoy sexwith you any time.
So try to keep her happy and take care of her so that she can think of having and enjoying sexwith you soon
2006-10-08 07:07:06 · answer #4 · answered by soofi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you do love her, go to counseling with her. if she refuses, then you already been screwed.
her attitude is consistent with picking up a local disease when she had sex with another. it could also be that she had her eyes open before you left.
if she really needs room, this is not love. if she did love you, that may be over. seek professional help.
consider moving away from her family. the two of you should be acting as a family. if she running back, she is not ready emotionally to start her own. i think you married a 33 year old kid.
2006-10-11 05:44:16 · answer #5 · answered by Vivian Vixen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problems is...your spouse....wants you to show her the $$$$ from dear departed Granmas estate...."SHE AIN"T NOTHING BUT A GOLD DIGGER"!!!
Your spouse problably doesnt give to hoots about you or anything thing to do with you....she's holding out for that inheritance and that's the only reason she's sticking around...IT's the smell of $$$$$
The no sex.......trust me ...the spouse is getting the cookies from somewhere....whether it be your cookie jar or someone eles's....this person is getting cookies somewhere!
Your spouse is wrong to involve family into the marital equations of spits and spats.......Both of you need to grow up and communicate better and leave your families out of the crap that pitfalls in your marital equation.....
2006-10-08 07:55:03 · answer #6 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need counselling for your marriage to work. If you both love each other you should be able to work through things. If you are worried that she is only staying there for the money which is coming, tell her that you are going to put it into an investment account indefinitly until you know where things are heading as you are unsure at the moment.
2006-10-08 06:52:47 · answer #7 · answered by rubyflats 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have hurt her and that is why she has not had sex with you give her time show her that you love her dring her flowers, chocolate.
She slept with sameone else because she was upset. Women always run to the family talk to her make your relationship great and then sex might follow.
2006-10-08 06:48:16 · answer #8 · answered by lollypop_za 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough call here.
I think you both need to do the marriage counseling thing. That would be a great help to resolve all those emotional issues for both of you, or at least bring them to the surface and try to deal with them.
Good luck.
2006-10-08 06:44:21 · answer #9 · answered by Angela 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to reevaluate your marriage, obviously her vows didn't mean much to her, so maybe consider divorce or legal seperation. Man does not live by bread alone my friend. If you put up with it, then you have no one to balme but yourself.
2006-10-08 08:43:31 · answer #10 · answered by paulisfree2004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋