I have been married for 3 years and I have a 3 year old girl. All we do is fight all the time. He has hit me and has called me every name in the book. I have tried to work it out for my daughter, but she is starting to noice us fighting, and I can tell that it is bothering her. I have tried to leave him so many times but I keep coming back cause i get scared. I guess I afried of being alone. I do not love him like I should. My heart belonged to someone else before we got married.I feel in love when i was very young.I did not know that the guy I love loved me the same intill after I was married. My husband tells me that he loves me, but all he does it put me down in every way. We have both cheated on each other.Should I try to work this out with my husband or should I leave him?
2006-10-07 23:34:42 · 39 answers · asked by Randi C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Listen sweety, I am a man and have also been very mentally abusive. I have gotten help and am no longer. The reason for the abuse, is because of our own insecurities and our own low self asteem. It is not you believe me. I also come from an abusive family and I know first hand it is the worst thing for a child to see or hear the abuse. It really screws them up as it did me. You sound like you have done everything in your power to make this work, but you need not. If he trully loved you as he says he would get help and do the right thing. He wants you to feel low and down so that you believe you need him, when actually you dont. Love yourself and your daughter and do the right thing for both of your happiness, get out run run far away and find yourself and then you will find your happiness. Love your daughter and lean on her as for she needs you badily right now and you need her as well. Dont stay in this out of pitty or fear. He should not hit you or any wpman for that matter. Trust in what I say or you will be here again next year asking the same question again. Life is to short enjoy it with your daughter and someone you love and that loves you. Love doesn't hurt baby. Good luck hun and I wish the best for you.
2006-10-08 00:10:10 · answer #1 · answered by buddabear38 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave!!! Once they become physically abusive it will always be that way and for r daughter to be in the middle is unsafe and not healthy. If something happens to u where will she be ? If u are not happy how will you be with r daughter by continuing to stay in a relationship where u are mentally and physically abusive? Think about these questions ? There is help for u and someone in r area would surely know if u start asking questions. Look in the phone book or go to a local church. Get the support u need from r family and other sources. U and r daughter deserve better.U are worried about being alone? but aren't u alone and lonely even in r marriage now? So what would be better, being alone with r daughter or being in a abusive marriage and still feeling alone and neglected and so on.In the long run u will meet someone that deserves u and ur daughter. Right now you need to be putting r daughter first and then u second. You are the only mother r daughter will have.If u have a fear of being alone because of him then try staying with family for a short time. If r able or go to a shelter. You may be alone because r not with someone but right now u would be better off until u go get support that u need. You need to know that u donot need to be where u are at.If u donot leave now u may not get another chance. Please get out while u can and get the help u need to know that u are not alone and that others have been where u are,including me. Hope this helps along with all the other advice u have gotten from here. Be safe and good luck !!!
2006-10-08 01:41:34 · answer #2 · answered by copperfish310 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The person you were in love with before you got married has nothing to do with your present situation ,,,,, Your first concern in this matter of course is your child ,,,,,,, An unhappy home environment can be a traumatic thing for some children ,,,,,, If your husband is abusive to you verbally and even to the point of violence then the marriage is over ,,,,,, You love your child ,,, would you treat her the same way he treats you ?? I would hope not ,,,,,, because you do love her ,,,,,,, Your husband is a class "A" No. 1 jerk ,,,,, Usually men that hit women haven't got the nerve to stand up to another man and do the same thing to them that he does to you ,,,,, You married him to be his wife not his whipping post ,,,,, Marriage does not give anyone license to abuse their spouse ,,,,, You said your child is starting to take notice of this problem ,,,,,, I know some people believe that they should endure an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children ,,,,,,, That's not the case ,,,,, If a home environment is uncomfortable ,, unhappy and or violent ,,,,, then that could easily serve as a catalist for emotional problems later on in life ,,,,If not imediately ,,,,, So stay in an unhappy marriage for your childs sake?? I don't think so ,,,,, For your childs sake get out of it and take her with you ,,,,, I don't know if your husband would try or not ,,,, But don't let him talk you out of it either ,,,,, If the man is already in the habbit of physically abusing you then what's to stop him from turning on your daughter too ,,,,, He probably has an ego problem ,,,,, He probably doesn't look good to himself or in his own eyes ,,,,, He's a coward and he knows it ,,,, so to bolster his own ego he turns to you to slap around because he knows you can't hurt him like another man could,,,, It makes him feel big or brave or something ,,,,,, It could be any number of reasons ,,,,, But a person who truely loves some one DOES NOT treat them the way he's treating you ,,,,,, He does not love you or respect you and his behavior towards you infront of your child is a good indicator that he doesn't care very much her either ,,,,,, Get out and don't come back ,,,,, Don't let him or anyone else talk you out of it ,,,,,,, Your childs happiness and well being is at stake here too ,,,,,,, You said you've left but have come back because you get scared ,,,,, Well young lady ,,,,,, you had better start getting scared about comming back instead of being scared of staying away ,,,,, the more you leave and come back ,,,,, the more under his thumb you will be and he knows that ,,,,, Each time you leave he gets less and less worried about it because he knows you'll come back again to continue being his whipping post ,,,,,,, I could go on and on about this because some things can't be said enough but I won't do that here ,,,,, I don't know if you will vote this answer as the best one ,,,,, The points aren't the issue here ,,,,,,, You safety and well being and that of your child is ,,,,, So reguardless of how you rate this answer ,,,,,,, I would strongly suggest that you seriously think about what I've told you and act on it ,,,,,,, For your sake as well as the little girls ,,,,, Yoda told you this ,,,,, Take care and good luck ,,,,
2006-10-08 00:38:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would b a good idea for u 2 sit down and read the question and comments u wrote above. Your question is "should I leave my husband"? then u go on saying that u've tried leaving a million times but keep coming back, how crap he treats u, and how u love someone else (to name just a few of the issues). Your paragraph explaining your situation is the answer already (which is that u want 2 leave), what u need 2 know is how do u get enuff confidence strength and drive to leave and stay away as well as to do what u know u need/want to do with ur life.
2006-10-07 23:44:58 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to leave if your husband is being abusive towards you, how do you know that he wont (one day) be abusive towards your daughter?? neither of you need that. even if he doesn't hit/yell at her she doesn't need to know/see her mommy and daddy fighting.
i am all for trying to work a marriage out for the children, my parents did it for me, but it was only for about 1 or 2 years, but it was not an abusive marriage they just didn't get along anymore. but there is no reason that you should be hit or called names or just have to live like that. you should be with someone you love and loves you back (truly).
i know living by yourself is tough, especially with a little girl, but you can do it. it does take getting use to just don't give in.
you said that you get scared and then you guess you are afraid of being alone. just coming home to an empty house or are you afraid your husband will try and do something?
good luck and i hope you the best!!
2006-10-08 01:46:46 · answer #5 · answered by R2K2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the point. There is no love there...and you are a wishy washy fence straddler! You want him then you don't want him and you say you are afaid....AFRAID of what? You're not alone you have a 3yr child to consider.....You are very immature and what you are doing is poisoning your small child with the abuse (emotional and verbal) that you and your spouse inflict on each other. You both need to grow up.
Either seek counseling and try to make your marriage work or call it quits and get a divorce. You must stop your immature behavior in front of the child.....
2006-10-08 01:09:17 · answer #6 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE NOW!!!! The sooner the better. He clearly doesn't respect or love you if he is treating you like that, and your daughter shouldn't be in that sort of violent environment. Being scared is normal, but you have to be strong for yourself and especially for your daughter. Do you have any supportive family members that can help? If so go to them. There are also plenty of supportive resources out there to help you and your daughter. Be strong and you can make it through this.
Take care and good luck.
2006-10-08 00:27:20 · answer #7 · answered by Tawney 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE..why would you try to stay with someone that has hurt you not only physically but emotionally too?...youve tried to work things out before but theres no possible way of it changing if you tried again..and if you did decide to try again this time could get you seriously hurt and put your daughter in danger as well. the best thing for you to do is leave now before its too late.
2006-10-07 23:55:13 · answer #8 · answered by B* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave him right now. anybody that hits and calls his spouse , especially in front of their child can't possibly love them. take the child and go. don't be afraid of being alone. you were alone before you got married, you can do it again. And be assured that once the child get a little older, if not already, he will start doing the same thing to her. i've seen it so many times.
2006-10-07 23:42:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should've left him the first time he ever hit you. Think about it... what will you do if he ends up being violent towards your daughter? Are you willing to expose her to that sort of thing? Are you, as her mother, really willing to risk the sort of impact having an abusive parent will have on her life? I am sure you can find family or friends to help you out until you get on your feet. There are always women/family shelters that you can go to for help as well. Get out while you still can, hon... while you are still alive and before his abuse gets worse & permanently affects your darling child's life.
Good luck!
2006-10-07 23:42:11 · answer #10 · answered by Jemmie Vee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋