Help!!!!!!?

Question

Im married and it's not working out we have 2 chrildren togeather and this nov. would be our 11th anneversary we fight all the time now i don't know why he's hit me and yes i have hit him we never talk we never spend time togeather. should i just stay with him and put up with it or should i leave. Run back to mommy and daddy at 38 now thats sad!

Answer 1

Make up with him. Get alone with him and put aside at least three hours. Make him promise not to yell or call you names, and you promise to do the same. Talk it out rationally and thoughtfully, and without interruptions. Turn off the cell phones, TV, etc. Apologize top each other for the hitting, and start acting like adults.

Answer 2

i'm sure you know that hitting from you or him is not ok espically if the children see this. But you can do one of two things. First you can wait a little longer and set back your own money and when you get enough then move out on your own with the kids. There are places to help with that too. Or two- If it was your child no matter what the age what would you want your child to do???I think that second choice should really hit the spot. Good Luck and God Bless. P.S. Sometimes a life change would help you have been married almost 11 years try going to church toegther tell him you love him and want to try and make it work if you do and try and get involved in church and they usually have coulseling there too. Just have a little faith. But sounds like you both would have to want it since you were honest with saying you hit him too it will run both ways. So again Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

For some reason you guys are battling for control in the relationship. Find out why. If you don't want to see a therapist then try the self-help section and get something like the Dr. Phil series relationship rescue and it's workbooks. Both of you should do this together.
You have to learn how to argue a difference of opinion and know when to say that it is okay to agree to disagree.
Learn the buzz words that make arguments escalate. Phrases like "YOU ALWAYS", "YOU NEVER" often sidetrack the issue and turns into an attack. Don't keep account of the injuries and harp on them. Learn to compromise.
The fact that you would even consider "running back to mommy..." shows that you have a need and desire to be "taken care of".
Somewhere along the line your husband stopped meeting your needs in various areas of your marriage and perhaps has left you with all of the responsibility of the children leaving you zero time to pursue your own interests and overwhelming you.
In view of your opening remarks the anger has been reciprocated by you and so it could be a good basis for you to be willing to clean the slate.
An anger-management course would benefit all of you. The children learn what they see and if you don't do it for yourself then do it for them.

Answer 4

First of all, you want to know what is "SAD" the both of you! That's sad. You both need to "GROW-UP"! You should be ashamed of yourselves at 38 years old, and fighting over what? And "HITTING" each other too! Come on now, this is what you are teaching your children! B.S! Pure B.S! And second of all, what about your kids? Didn't you both have these children so that you could give them the best life possible, with no "harm,hate,saddness,and misery? I would think so! So quit being so damn selfish and stupid (for that matter) and take care of your "family"! Now think about this the both of you, the most important thing in this whole intire life is our families without them you are nothing! And without you two they have nothing! So before this get's any worse than it already is, (and believe me it can get worse) you need to get your heads out of your (you know what's), and deside once and for all what would be the best thing for your childrens sake. Not yours! Cause YOU don't matter! If you can't get it together than you don't matter. Third, what's the problem anyway? To have to go as far as hitting each other, do you know how stupid that sounds,and how stupid it must look! Look at your question that you are asking the "world" to Help!!!!!!!!? you with and think about it! Look it over real good and then ask yourself, if you really think that any of us has the answer for you and your family! Sorry I don't have the answer for you and sorry this sounds so heartless. But the "answer" to your question is not out here dear, but there, right there right in front of you "BOTH"! Are you so blind that you do not see? Don't be stupid, Don't be stupid like me! I really don't know what else to say except I wish you all the best, hope some how it all works out. Kids be good! And Mom & Dad play your part it is so important. Thank you.

Answer 5

Going back home to mom and dad at 38 is a little sad, but it would be worse to stay and keep your children in an unhealthy environment. You don't have to live with your parents forever, you can start over. Sounds like the best thing for you and your kids would be to get out.

Answer 6

This really depends on if you love him or not.I was in this same relationship,without the abuse physically.I will be married 10 years next July.I was able to turn the entire situation around,yes it can be a hastle and yes I sometimes have to bite my tongue to keep my mouth shut but it is working so far.Try treating him almost like he is one of your children,darling this and darling that,sweet and soft no matter what,there is times I would like to ring my husbands neck and I think how in the hell can I keep doing this,but I gotta tell you,it really is working,he is nicer to be around,he is nicer to the children,the sex is even better.My mother always told me that sugar and sweetness always gets you further in life than a sour lemon and although it really does take a lot of work on your part,it is working for me.I do have to say though if he is hitting you,I wouldnt give the bastard another chance.Good luck

Answer 7

Get out now. No man has a right to hit a woman even if you hit him first. Keep in mind that your kids devise their future relationships by watching you two. If they see nonstop arguing and him abusing you they may immulate this when they get into a relationship. Time to get out and moving home is a pain but unless there is an alternative it may be the best place to go.

Answer 8

I have 3 kids and about 4 yrs ago i went through the same thing with the hitting and the verbal abuse, and i left and yes i went back to my parents for awhile, i got my self together to where i could afford my own place, and i started seeking The Lord and that helped, after 2 yrs of being apart from my husband he changed and we begin dating(no sex) for about 6 m onths, He is better now i think it scared him that i left, so YES i think u should leave and take it from there, get a job , get yourself together and Thank God u still h ave your parents.
Good Luck!

Answer 9

Have you tried dating him again or he you? When couples are married for years things get routine and that gets old. Spice things up, find a setter get a motel and meet him there, some wine, flowers, soft music and a sexier nightie. Talk dirty to each other at least one or both should like it. Couples need to do this often! When you were dating how did you feel about each other?

Just remember it takes two, if one wants to argue don't be the one to add fuel.

Good luck

Answer 10

Sweetie , do not stay. I was in a simular position as you. I walk out . I could not stand being hit and ran down to the ground. I had been with him for 18 years but married for 13. It is not worth the stress and anguish.
My advice is to look for shelters or woman refugees. I do not think this situation is going to get any better.
Good Luck