I dono where to begin. until some weeks ago, my life was fine. then i get this marriage proposal from a guy and it seems everybody except me likes him.. as for me, i cant even imagine being in the same room with the guy. dont ask me why. something about him jus puts me off. now since we have a tradition of arranged marriages in my family, my parents are forcing me to marry him. i have refused many times but they don seem to care at all..
I feel trapped. feel like running away. and when am crossing the road, i feel like throwing myself in front of a bus. i think constantly of dying.
can anybody give me some good advice ?
2006-10-07 21:59:39 · 17 answers · asked by Honeybrowneyes 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yours is a tough situation, but believe me i know what you are going through, from the way you mention about your tradition, I assume that you are of Asian origin.
I went through the same situation some time back, and the same feelings of being trapped and self destruction dominated me as well.
But i managed to get through it. here are the things you can do :
1) Stick to your word. dont succumb to your parents pressures.
2) Tell them how you think of killing yourself. that should drive home your point.
3) Concentrate on whatever you are doing right now, like if you are pursuing your studies, keep your mind on it, else find a job.
4) talk to your friends, they might offer some new perspective.
5) Ask an elder like a family friend, or your elder siblings etc to talk to your parents about this issue.
6) If possible just talk to that guy directly and tell him that you are not really into him, that should prompt him to reconsider.
7) dont run away, because if you cant even face your parents, you wont be able to face the world. The outside world is not a friendly place for runaway gals in our societies.
8) Killing yourself is not worth it, you might actually fail in the process and may have to live your life disabled and suffer the humiliation of others.
Cheer up, things are never as bad as they seem. In the future you ll look back on this time and laugh..
take are and good luck dear.
sweety
2006-10-10 01:46:44 · answer #1 · answered by Sweety 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well by the sounds of it having the arranged marriage you are not from the USA right? Well is it where you live now? If so tell your parents that your not sticking to that tradition and they cannot force you, that you have freedom here in the USA. and isn't that why they moved here? So why do they expect to force traditions on you from their history when you don't live in that culture anymore? Now I'm sure that if you don't marry him that your family because of tradition will probably disown you right? I'm sure that would be a tough decision but nobody should be forced into doing something they don't want to do even if it is tradition. There are places that will help you to get on your own and hopefully your friends will help too. Good Luck and God Bless.
2006-10-08 00:03:23 · answer #2 · answered by hubbys2ndbest2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, how old you? Where are you from? And why you let yourself to marry a man you don't in love with? I cannot believe this traditional marriage happened if you lived in USA? Even in any of the country? I think you should have the courage to move on your own life but not to kill yourself. Life is beautiful out there! You always have the chance to make it better. Move on!!! You will be a good girl!!! Best of lucky!
2006-10-07 22:22:54 · answer #3 · answered by Marilyn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Must be hard....hmmmm. But, if its a tradition and your parents wont listen to you, I think you cant do but follow what they say. Maybe, time will teach you how to love that man, if he is a good hearted person and you just dont know yet. Just follow your parents. But, if i am in your shoes and considering i can live my life alone and have a good job, and can survive with out my family, I will run away than live my life in total wreck. Hope you got my point. Goodluck and i wish you well. Hope for the best.
2006-10-07 22:48:59 · answer #4 · answered by amy n 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you belongs to south asian family where the abuse of arranged marriage is common. if you don't like the guy just don't marry him. No matter haw cruel behaviour your family shows but restrict to your point of view. Tell your mother that you are not against the marriage but against this guy. Please don't try to finish your life. This is a priceless gift from the God and we live for once only. this is the common problem with the girls of south asian family, be bold face your family and deny the marriage. I am sure you will have another proposal of your chioce very soon. I wish a good luck. For any other advice write to me dirrectly on my email address: alibhai9@yahoo.com.
2006-10-07 22:09:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember it is not the 1700's no more and if you live in the USA, anything forced done against your own will you can involve the police!! You have every right to fall in love with the right man and that man you write about sounds like some ugly scum who probably has other girlfriends. You do what is right for you and if you want to leave, well their is a thing called jobcore which will provide you a location and job!
2006-10-07 22:05:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what kind of family you have but if you're really don't want the arranged marriage, girl, take the risks and stand up for the sake of your future.
On the other hand, why don't you give the guy a shot? Get to know him more. If it still doesn't work, it's your life; it's up to you. :) Sorry for the sermon mode, hehe. Good luck!
2006-10-07 22:14:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did ur parents get this proposal?if yes then explain 2 ur parents that u know they have the best in mind 4 u.but deep down in ur heart u feel like u will never b able 2 love him or his family.&this would b a disaster 4 u.who knows this might even become a divorce case &ur children will suffer &surely they wouldnt want this 4their daughter&grandchildren.b rational dont threaten them or do anything like that.pls dont committ suicide over this.worse comes worse basis tell them this is your life & u want 2 live it by ur rules.
2006-10-07 22:15:30 · answer #8 · answered by erin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told your parents your thinking of killing yourself??? I cant imagine being put in that situation...Personally i would look for another place to live and tell the parents to bite my assets...This is your life your talking about and if you would rather die than marry this guy, then you need to leave and now...
2006-10-07 22:19:12 · answer #9 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are not worth killing yourself over and screw your parent's - no offense to your culture but that is selfish of them to want you to marry a man you don't love. Stand up for yourself on this even if it means alienating your family, you only have one life you should live it the way you want to and not married to somebody you can't stand.
2006-10-07 22:24:04 · answer #10 · answered by Gracie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋