I think I`m bi, but I`ve never had sex with a girl. I`m in a relationship with a guy but he lives like an hour away. I was talking to a girl, I`m attracted to her mentaly but not physically. She`s really butch. But I`m REALLLY attracted to fems. I want to like and be with her so much. But, I don`t think I can get past the fact that she`s butch. I`m not superficial, I just want a girl that looks hella sexy and that`ll wear thongs and NOT sports bras. I`m a fem myself, and it`s good going out with a girl that I can kiss and be all mushy with but at the same time do makeup and hair. But my mom told me that fems like that, aren`t really bi/lesbian. I don`t know if I should believe her or not. I hope this isn`t too confusing, I just really need help. =[
2006-10-07 20:35:41 · 16 answers · asked by g0tbailey 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Go the fem one.
2006-10-07 20:38:08 · answer #1 · answered by foogill 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't say that your mom was quit wrong,but I'm sure you can find some lesbians,fem or even butch who wear makeup, and stuff.
I'm a versatile myself ,something between butch and fem and I can't really say witch one i'm more attracted to be,the fact is that what does fem and buthch really mean in your mind?
what your heart wants is the truest thing for you,if you like that butch girl,then your heart really need a butch one right now.
and believe me,when we believe that there are many sexual orientations,we should believe that there so many sexual positions too,nothing is specific,butches can sometimes be as fem as any hetro girls too.
2006-10-07 22:51:55 · answer #2 · answered by someone 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, tell your mom that's not necessarily true, I've been out for more than half my life and have dated many fem women who were totally lesbian. While I have to admit it seems that most fem women are attracted to us butch types, there are those who prefer other women with similar interests and tendencies. Attraction is the key here, if you're not attracted to the butch girl then don't try, you'll end up hurting both yourself and her. Be nice but firm in your convictions, don't ever settle. Take care and good luck.
2006-10-07 21:22:31 · answer #3 · answered by Kris K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom doesn't know what she's talking about. She's basically saying that if you don't fit a stereotype, then you must be straight? Hogwash.
Now as for this butch....I will tell you something from my own experience. I used to identify as bi, and I used to think I only liked other femme girls like myself. I met a butch woman who was cute, but "too butch" in my mind.
We got along really well though, and one night we went out together and things just really seemed to click.... and when we were together, things were REALLY intense and amazing.
I never imagined and I totally had to eat those words about not liking butch women. When you get down to it, a woman is a woman, and I'm just saying, you don't know until you've been there......
We've been together 3 years now, by the way.
Yeah, she's clueless about makeup and hair, but I have friends for that... and she's amazing and sexy and all those things I wanted in a woman, and then some.
2006-10-07 21:00:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is wrong on this one. My g/f and I are both very feminine, in fact, I was raised to believe nice women don't wear pants(I am 53, she's 49), and I actually own only one pair of jeans that I only wear in winter very occasionally. I own no flannel except my winter sheets, which still have lace on them. We both love high heels, dressing up, jewelry and nice perfumes (I'm a Dior girl, she's an Este Lauder).
One of the reasons I know she is my soul mate is that we love to do the very same things, and shopping is one of those things. We both love our homes and spend a great deal of time working on them, (decorating) and we both cook for our families and each other.
Of course many of these things are enjoyed by both butch's and fem's but we consider ourselves Women and aren't interested in taking on characteristics that aren't feminine. Perhaps its our age(probably).
We do consider ourselves bisexual not lesbians because we have both have had relationships with men(all failed). This is the first relationship for either of us that has been successful. We believe its because being female we are compatible on a level that goes well beyond the physical. Doesn't hurt that's she's hot!
2006-10-08 01:18:54 · answer #5 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to anyone else when it comes to choosing a partner. It doesn't matter if they're male or female as long as YOU feel comfortable with them... With your butch friend, you can be attracted to someone on totally different levels - you can fall in love with someone's mind (I am currently trying to stop my feelings for a good friend who is about 15 years my senior due to this!) or their looks or even a combination (they're a keeper!) BUT don't forget, looks will fade, you will be left to continue with your personality and minds but it is important that you are attracted to your partner to some degree when it comes to the physical aspect as most relationships incorporate sex and sexual acts, therefore if you are not 100% into them, treasure the friendship you have. If this is your first time, you may wish to experience it with someone you are totally into ..
As for your bf, you might need to talk to him and organise a break - it's not fair on either of you if you're having second thoughts...
But I totally understand the attraction to fem girls, I like to share clothes, have her wear similar underwear to me and be able to do my hair when I need help!!
Good luck... follow your heart x
2006-10-08 02:14:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dangit I had a really good answer and the PC screwed up just a sec...
Okay I can be very feminine when I want to and very boyish too- You are thinking about labels way too much-
I have found some fems that were knock outs to be very ugly on the inside- I also have expierences very rough butvh girls who were very beautiful people once given the chance...
Fall in love first and then the rest of it will take care of itself!
2006-10-07 21:25:15 · answer #7 · answered by admiredi 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Honey, we come in all colors of the rainbow. Just throw that whole butch/fem thing out the window. If you like to be all girly and screw other girly women, then do that and be happy.
2006-10-08 04:02:54 · answer #8 · answered by carora13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your mum has led you astray...
Okay, im a mixture of femme and butch- and i have always dated studs (boyish lesbians)- they're so hot. Anyway, recently, ive been talking to this femme- and it is hard knowing that she is not really my type..but, i have to say she is still amazing. and i think i am considering a relationship with her. My point, you are not going to know exactly whay you want at this stage/time in your life...you have a lot of growing as a person.
I would say go for it... for me, Butches are the most creative in bed...but that is just a generalisation.....
Oh and another thing, gay/lesbians- are about libralism- that means you shouldn't really judge a person or label them... people have and will continue to do it to you for the rest of your life. goodluck.
2006-10-08 01:22:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are of fem lesbians out there for you. They are probably not as easy to find, but you can't make a lime into a lemon with your current situation. If you are not attracted to her sexually for whatever reason, then just wait until you find someone you are attracted to.
2006-10-08 02:18:20 · answer #10 · answered by donrull 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean - I didn't know what you called them until now 'fems' - cute. I love girly girls who dress well and wear make-up and stuff, and I too am very feminine. I am bi-sexual - I am very sexually attracted to women (up to no. 6 now) yet I am living with a guy.
2006-10-08 02:36:27 · answer #11 · answered by ang_172 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋