We have been married for 12 years. My husband is a lawyer in private practice and has built up a nice existence for us though often overshadowed with fear of what might happen if... I work part-time. We have had a lot of rocky places in our marriage but have always felt that our love was the strongest bond and that any difficulties could be worked out. The last three months he has had to spend in another city (work-related) and got close to another woman. I had a bad feeling the whole time but did not say anything for fear of his becoming angry that I could think such a thing or, alternatively, finding out the truth. He came home last week and I found some messages on his cell from her and confronted him. He assured me that while there was mutual attraction, they didn't act on it. I feel betrayed even if they weren't physical. He says that bc nothing happened I should try to solve our other problems and not dwell on this. How can we continue? I'm still not sure that I know the truth...
2006-10-07 20:33:26 · 8 answers · asked by lorisc1971 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Your initial gut feelings were the ones you should have gone with.
As his wife you have every right to question his relationship with another woman. I think the phone messages confirm your worst fears.
So now you must decide to live with your cheating lying husband or divorce him and collect a big old alimony check....
Being married shouldn't be about fear, not being able to trust and such sorrow. He is creating this atmosphere in your marriage. Where is the love, trust, peace, laughter, romance and harmony?
2006-10-07 20:44:43 · answer #1 · answered by easinclair 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were in your situation, I would take him up on his word, but tell him that if his word is his bond then get him to agree to seek marriage counseling with you. This could really help your marriage. Don't throw 12 years away especially if children are involved (you didn't mentioned if children were involved). Try to get him to agree to go to marriage counseling and work out your marital problems there. But please 12 years is a long time to love and share a life. Think before you leap. He may be telling the truth and what if you find out that he's not cheating and it's only a mutual friendship with the female in the other city? You will feel awfully sorry. You may or may not ever find out the truth, but counseling can help you both continue and help you to stop dwelling on what happened with the other woman and become glad that he's home with you and is trying to put the trust back in your marriage. Think about it!
2006-10-08 04:00:06 · answer #2 · answered by heromom4196 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel that he should not have told you about the mutual attraction, because if a man or woman is away for three months with the opposite sex, more than likely something happened. You will never know the truth, it is you choice to believe him, but if your marriage is on rocky ground than you should move on. He slept with her and is probably still sleeping with her, or even worst married with a child on the way. My husband I don't care what type of work he is in he would not be going out of town without me for more than one night. MOOOOOOOVVVVVVEEEE OOOOOOOOOONNNNNSister, your marriage has been over and you don't even know it. Believe me he has. YOU KNOW THE TRUTH, AND HE WILL GO BACK THERE.
2006-10-08 03:45:56 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know that you are greatful that nothing happened, but you also don't wanting him even being in a situation that might make him tempeted to cheat. Tell him that you love him and need to be able to trust him and that this best be the LAST time you ever come across anything that shows any hint of possiable cheating. Tell him you are prepared to walk out of the marriage if he cheats. Then stand firm and is you get any more clues that he is cheating.....get some counseling. And don't be his doormat.
You deserve to be his one and only. And he needs to be accountable for any misbehavior.
2006-10-08 03:44:13 · answer #4 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should believe him. However, it all depends on how personal the messages on his cell were. Were they flirtatious, or just business? Give him the benefit of a doubt, after all 12 years is a bond held by both of your husband and yourself love for each other.
Dr. Phil is a good resource for some marriage issues.
2006-10-08 03:50:00 · answer #5 · answered by Jeffrey H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really believe that your husband is admiting to the affair but is trying to cover the situation. I think that you should weigh the good and the bad of your marriage and make your decision on that. If you find that your bond is greater than an outside woman then have him to seek conseling with you to work on your marriage. Because either way it was cheating.
2006-10-08 03:44:22 · answer #6 · answered by ~Mz.Juicy~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just wanted to know what does all this have to do with you having a job? it does not make sence to me .
2006-10-08 03:42:27 · answer #7 · answered by greeneyes634970 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes
2006-10-08 03:35:18 · answer #8 · answered by ya girl 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋