MY HUSBAND OF 5 YEARS ASKED MY DAUGHTER, WHO IS 13, IF HE COULD PLAY WITH HER BOOBS. LATER THAT NIGHT HE TOUCHED HER THROUGH HER CLOTHES. BOTH SAID IT HAD NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. I KICKED HIM OUT ANYWAY. THAT WAS 6 MONTHS AGO. WE HAVE 3 YEAR OLD TWINS AND HE ONLY SEES THEM WITH ME AND WITHOUT MY DTR. WE DIDN'T PRESS CHARGES, HER CHOICE. DID I DO THE RIGHT THING? AND WHEN WILL ALL THE TEARS(MINE) STOP. MY DTR TELLS ME TO GET OVER IT. IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. CAN A PERSON JUST SNAP ONE DAY AND DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT. HE ALWAYS TALKED SO BAD WHEN A MOLESTER HAD BEEN CAUGHT. SO WHY DID HE DO IT. HE SAYS SHE FLIRTED WITH HIM, BUT SHE NEVER KNEW HER FATHER. MY HUSBAND RAISED HER. WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 8 YEARS. SO MUCH OF HER LIFE. ANYONE BEEN HERE. MY WORLD IS CRUSHED.
2006-10-07 18:20:50 · 16 answers · asked by JILL W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Please speak to a therapist - this is so much for you to handle and you can use all the support you can get. I think you did the right thing by kicking this man out and protecting your children.
2006-10-07 18:27:08 · answer #1 · answered by Jemma 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for what you must be feeling and going threw emotionally.I would of pressed charges no matter what your daughter wanted.I hate to say this,but it sounded like your daughter,was thirsting for attention as well as he was.She knows right from wrong just like he does,she knew what was going on.She is a minor,under your roof,therefore your daughter i feel needs to be treated like a minor with some kind of punishment for her part of allowing such actions.If you don't put a halt to her,who knows what will happen with other boys or guys if you don't.The reason for my statement was you mentioned that she didn't want charges,and that it was no big deal.I'm sorry it was a big deal,and the charges wasn't or shouldn't of been up to her to begin with.I hate that your marriage is over,but it needs to be with this going on.I know your over whelmed and your tears are falling with deep hurt,but i want you to know that this action that occurred does not been that you are a horrible mother,there was nothing you could of done at the time,because you were not aware of the situation,so don't beat yourself up over this.From this point now,you have to focus on putting your 13 year old in check,and to make sure he never comes back threw your door and take it day by day.Move foward knowing that now you are doing the right thing.Your life is your children and this is what you need to be concerned about.I would however take his low life behind to court for child support ,alimony and everything else that holds him reliable! You should really still report this,even if they both lie about it,at least it would be noted and the court could see the complaint! Be smart and stay two steps ahead for your children's sake! I wish you the best and Good Luck!
2006-10-08 03:56:36 · answer #2 · answered by twjp1962 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am so sorry for your pain. You did the right thing by kicking him out. This IS a big deal. Your 13 year old should not be making the decisions. No, a person doesn't just snap in one day. He is a classic child molester. His words: "she flirted with me" - blame the victim! Please, please, please find a center for abused women. They are in the phone book. There is help out there. You and your little girl really need some help here. Just the fact that she thinks it's not a big deal is a screaming warning. Start moving forward - take charge - be the MOM. You are a victim too. Stop being one. Your tears will stop with time, and even sooner than you think - if you become assertive and face this head on. Best of Luck, and if you need to talk again, I'm here.
2006-10-08 01:42:46 · answer #3 · answered by risa131313 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How horrible for you and your family. I think you made good choices despite not pressing charges. I have no faith in the legal system. Usually it just means having to relive the experience over and over when you really just want to move on and forget. Often on the first offense the offender gets a suspended sentence or time served, and then they appeal it anyway and it's all rehashed over and over. It's just frustrating and costly. I do see how this is a huge betrayal for you from the one human on the planet that is supposed to be 100% honest with you. Insist on individual and group counselling for your family, you've all suffered here. Without proper support you could falter. Please be strong for your children, you are doing well although it probably feels quite the opposite. Few of us would do so well if it was our family losing a member in such a disturbing way.
2006-10-08 01:49:07 · answer #4 · answered by devilUknow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband or ex husband is a pedophile...you all should have prosecuted him, now that you have posted this message on Yahoo answers it is now a statement of written fact by you. I would say that the Answers team should forward this message to the appropriate authorities, even if you did not press charges, the State Attorney General has the obligation to protect any person children included who were molested, and can press charges without your daughters consent or yours, basically he does not need it.
I hope that the Answers Staff are reading this and do something about it.
2006-10-08 01:27:57 · answer #5 · answered by Pete 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Work out things very carefully and patiently,and dont hurry up.Its no use worrying about past.So just try to forget what happenned before.You must be careful from now onwards.Ensure that your daughter is never alone in home or public,until she grows up to adult.Dont put charges unless it is serious.Because it may deteriorate relationship further.If you would like to know anything about your husband's moveabouts or any other details about him,hire a private detective and be in a position to produce any clues in case of charges.Keep a sound dog in house.Be armed in case of emergency.Life is difficult.Eat Life,or the life will eat you.
2006-10-08 01:41:42 · answer #6 · answered by ramboakshay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is no excuse and no forgiveness for an adult taking liberties with a juvenile. i would tell him unless he gets counseling i was going to press charges. if you don't and he molests another child could you forgive yourself? at least your dtr is not his natural child. if your dtr did flirt with him why did he not tell you about it? unless your dtr is well developed for a girl her age what could a grown man find sexually attractive about her? the worst thing you can do is blame yourself. we all have to accept responsibility for our own actions. get yourself and your dtr to counseling also. i would bet that this is not your husbands first perverted act. other act usually lead up to the actual act.
2006-10-08 01:35:43 · answer #7 · answered by handyman5218 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing...No father should touch a daughter like that. Like you said he raised her. You did the right thing. She is your daughter and you have to look out for her no matter what....and if I was you I would not let him see the twins until he goes and gets some help. Some kind of counseling.
2006-10-08 01:25:11 · answer #8 · answered by misty eyes 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She was 13!!!!!! Why didn't you press charges???? Since when does a mother let her 13 yr. old make such adult decisions. What is going to happen and how will you feel if he does it again!!! The poor girl!
An added note, MY husband molested my daughter too. She was 12. I called protective services the minute she told me!! Shame on you for letting him get away with it.
2006-10-08 01:23:24 · answer #9 · answered by Nana 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
this want get the best answer but it will be true full alot of under age girls make moves on older guys and some girls look way to old for thear (age) my step daughter has let it be know i could get it befor but why would i want to put my self in a place like that
Ive not told on her i just act like a did not understand her bottom line is it happens but if your mom and dad tough you rite you will
know better
2006-10-08 01:54:55 · answer #10 · answered by runninglate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You acted on the right by bootin his as s out. cause he would have been gator dinner if he had touched my daughter. He sounds like a future molester to me. Hope things get better for you soon God Bless
2006-10-08 01:36:00 · answer #11 · answered by John H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋