I feel bad for my friend. how can i help?

Question

I have a friend who is overweight, very overweight. he is 14.
He isn't very popular and doesn't participate in any sports.
his parents don't let him hang out with friends without adult supervision, and beat him with a belt when he disobeys. He has never had a girlfriend, and doesn't get good grades. he has asthma and the PE teacher makes fun of him.

i think he is on the verge of snapping. what can i do to help him?

Answer 1

What your friend is suffering sounds very inappropriate, as far as what the parents and teacher do. Being overweight is difficult, and because of that your friend might need to build stamina, if he does not already have it. If he is willing to take control of his health maybe you could be more helpful to him by buying healthy foods/snacks instead of uncut ones. Just suggesting even though you do not always get to go places with him. It's just something you could suggest to him. I am not saying to go out of your way to go and get tofu. I am trying to explain that when your both in a store, at school or any other food selling place you should both grab something healthy instead of something not. You should know the difference.You should get the same (or something different, that you prefer, and still keep it healthy) as him, for support, if you can. And although you may think that hey it's a small snack, those "small snacks" are going to make a difference. Although popularity is wanted out of many, maybe it might have helped him otherwise, such as to build certain habits. And remember it is not a necessity. He should be thankful to have a friend like you. (truly... think about it, if you have not already...wait which you most likely have because you were told before hand about a zillion times) Well, I think you know that it is pretty normal for a protective parent to want an adult to look after their child when they're not available, but to beat him is another thing that is not normal, right, nor acceptable. Maybe he should actually obey them, but there are times when parents act unjust. It seems like in this case he is a respectable person. If it gets to a point to where he is seriously getting injured you might want to keep in mind a child protective service. You can look up different services available on the web or by talking to somebody you can trust. Right now I don't think a girlfriend would be helpful. She might get in the way and make things worse. And as for grades he will again have to take control and make the right decisions. If tutoring does not work in his schedule, maybe you and a couple of other friends can help him out, even if it's with little things. You might learn a few things yourself. You don't have to be a genius in his courses either. For instance, while walking together you could ask him questions about the book he is supposed to write an essay on, instead of how good looking the girl in 2nd period is, and those kid games you learned back in the First grade about spelling might still work with your friend. You learned those stategies for a reason. Asthma does not help with anything. My sister has it. I guess this is something to rough out normally. And as for the foolish PE teacher he/she should find his/her conscience. If his teacher is seriously excluding your friend from the other kids and your friend has adressed him/her about the problem, he might want to consult his couselor or an adult he can trust. I am sorry this is long, tedious, when you've read the other sugestions, sort of mushy, but I still neverthless hope all goes well with both your friend and you, and that everything falls into place. It is nice knowing there's people who care for others. Remember "everything happens for a reason"....Alright, cruddy and phony sounding, but it might help to believe at times. Thanks for taking the time to read this. over and out

Answer 2

God! The world is so cruel! Well, as a friends, you should encourage him and maybe give him a few tips on losing a couple lbs. That is sooooo unkind of your PE teacher! Speak up when he is saying these things. You might get an F in PE as a reult, but you would have done the right thing. Protect him verbally and also encourage him to lose weight. Afterall, obesity is a health problem. YOu might also want to introduce him to a sport you play and help him train with you. You will become very unpopular for this, but to tell you the truth, i'm sick of people who label others. Do it anyway, and live with the satisfaction that you are
helping your friend through an important stage of life. You might also learn a couple of thing from him.

God Bless Ya Brotha!

As for his trouble with his parents, I have to say that they're jerks. My mom used to beat me, but only with a plastic spatella and only on the hand and/or butt. But she stopped when I was 12 and I started to be more responsible. I know his parents must be concerned about him, but he needs friends which he already has trouble making! Try talking to his parents, or getting to know them so that they will let him hang out with you.

Answer 3

I'm going to give it to you straight. You need to help your friend.

1. Call the police and tell them about his parents. I am not joking. That is child abuse, and it's not right. It's probably contributing to his low self-esteem. If anything, I beg of you to tell an adult about his parents.

2. Encourage him. Take him to the gym with you, and you guys can diet together, so he's not alone. Even if your not overweight or dont need to lose weight, it's always good to get healthy, and it'd be so much better for him if he had some support. Take him to some social events, like high school football games, pep rallys, bonfires, etc. Don't get him into the bad stuff. I dont care if you drink or do any of that stuff, but that's just going to make things worse for him.

3. Help him with his schoolwork. Offer to go in with him in the morning to see the teacher, or have homework parties (lame sounding, I know, but it's a fun way to just get it overwith), and helping him study. Once again, support will help him get stronger.

4. Encourage him to see his school counselor/get a counselor. This one you definitely can't force him to do, but I think it would help him a lot if he could talk about how he feels instead of cooping it up inside or eating it away. It'd help things get off his chest.

Just let him know you believe in him and your always there for him, and basically, be the best friend you can be. Good luck to both of you, and please, please, tell someone about that belt thing. That's horrible and wrong.

Answer 4

let me tell u some thing. what ever it is he is very lucky to have a friend like u. u make it good
well......always support him. talk to him. make him understand that he can do everything if there is god to help him. tell him to wait and also to control his emotions. i know that he is in a big problem but still ask him to be confident to lead his own life forward . instead of sports let him participate in cultural programmes. nothing is closed to him just coz he is overweight. make him popular among the teachers and also ur friends.
take him round the school and let ur other friends talk to him too. u can try talking to his parents or ask any teachers whom u trust so much to do the same. or can ur parents do that for him. try out.that will help him a lot. he has a long life waiting for him. help him in all the ways u can.
lead him through the right way
u can do it
good luck my friend
bye

Answer 5

Be supportive and understanding. Make sure you are always there if he needs you to listen. Let him know you are a friend until the end and possibly share what's going on with a school counselor. Volunteer to do some walking with him or any other activities that will promote a healthy lifestyle. Don't take him for granted and hopefully this will help. Encourage him and be there to talk him out of doing anything that might hurt him or others.

Good Luck!!

Answer 6

There are alot of issues going on with your friend and it is difficult to focus on all of these at once. If your friend is being hit with a belt, that is abuse and needs to be reported immediately.

Your friend is going to need your support and understanding to get through this difficult time. Encourage him to talk to a trusted adult, maybe the guidance counsellor at school. As a friend, you can be there for him and reinforce his positive attributes. His self-esteem maybe be suffering through all this turmoil.

His weight - well assist your friend with his weight loss. Go for walks with him. Encourage phsycially activity of any kind (throw the ball, walking, etc).

Grades - if you are capable of tutoring/assisting him with school, do so.

There are plenty of things that you are able to do to help your friend. The best thing you can do is BE THERE. Don't abandon him because others will laugh at you for being with him. Don't allow others to knock him down with insullts. Tell someone when the PE teacher makes fun of him. If you stand by and do nothing, you are just as guilty as everyone else.

Answer 7

being his real friend is a good start. get him to be ot with friends more. i love a chnky guy. the skinny ones dont do it for me. he shold open up and if ppl are making fun of him walk away dont say anything. there jelouse cause in 10 yrs he could look really good and have a great life, they will always be mean and have nothing to there names. as for authority figures, call the school board its against the law for them to treat him that way. tell im keep his head up. as for his parents if he has marks turn there @$$e$ into child services. he will perk up once he gets into a good life style. tell him girls dont like skinny guys they have no brains and we like to feel our men around us not disapearing behind us. good luck hun hope it helps. also maybe some one should talk to the school councelor we wouldnt want him tryig to kill himself that would suck.

Answer 8

Talk to the school counselor about this. It sounds like he is under a lot of stress. Just continue to be his friend. It sounds like you may be the only bright spot in his life.

Answer 9

i know how you feel..okay dude...just be there for him ..and be his outlet...whenever he is upset or something than be there for him to talk to....dont get in his face with advice..unless he asked for it....just be there for him...and as for his parents.....we dont know exactly what is going on behind closed doors...but being there is basically the only thing you can do.....but if things get too severe then you have to call the police....the overweight thing is something he has to overcome by himself.....look on the internet for diet tips and excersizes..........but think twice....it might be your friends tradtion on how his parents discipline him....dont think of abuse as the first thing....it could be the way the family is brought up,,.,..and if it is the way then theres nothing you can do...but in the meantime....be there for him kay??...god bless

Answer 10

Luk i think u r really caring...by ur way of writing i can guess u r really very carin n understanding.....
I think u shud b supportive towards himself.....b frendly towards him....encourage him.......go out wid him wid sum adult ...well i think u shud really get closer to him.......act as his very gud frend...dis can led him tht hes not alone hes having support of his frend....n thts u....u r alwayz wid him!!!! Now ...never dissapoint him......i think hes really alone....no supprt of teachers or elz parents.....well hes really living a lonely life...but his parents mite b very strict but they even can b loving....just talk to his parents once abt all dis...may b they'll understand tht their boy is really feeling alone!