What should I do? (Writing under spouse)?

Question

My husband was emotionally cold to me & had been for about 4 or 5 yrs of our 15 years tog, & so one day he was allowing our son to disrespect me & I left. He had gotten to where he didn't respect or really even "want" me anymore.

I finally took what self respect I had & walked out. He wants to come back to where I am (several hundred mi away now) but he wants to BLAME me (so bad!) for leaving. I have told him & told him that it is HIM that left (emotionally) years ago...told him that he could've kept me if he had wanted...(I really tried to help him "see" that our relationship was going south for a lonngggg time & he would even get nasty with me to get me to quit talking about things..grrrr. Pent up feelings get so old, esp when it feels like you're the only one that cares about a relationship!)

Anyway, now he calls & acts like nothing's wrong (of course!) & wants to move back in. I really want my family back together, but I don't know exactly what to do w/this character!

Answer 1

Maybe he has learned his lesson. Give it a-go. You have alot to gain. If it doesn't work out then you know that you can function on your own. However, trust may become an issue between you. He may not trust you not to walk out on a whim. Let the past die. Talking it to death won't help especially if the offending behavior has dies as well. I hope that when you left you took your son. What sort of message do you think that sent to him. Respect is earned not demanded and you undermine your relationship with your son if you abandoned him. Again you can always try to help mend your family.

Answer 2

Honey, it sounds to me like you are more in love with the idea of family, than you are in love with the family you already have. And what I mean, is that, from an early age, girls tend to envision their futures with this perfect wedding, the perfect husband, sweet and respectable children. In short, I'd say we set ourselves up for failure and disappointment. You did the right thing in taking a stand and moving out. And your husband is wrong to blame you. Sure, you were partly to blame, but this goes both way here. If he made you happy, you wouldn't have left to begin with.

If you truly love him and want to make this work, then do it. Don't go back, but agree to counseling first. You have to find out where it wrong before you can fix the problem honey, and in this situation, I"m afraid it's not going to happen if you are living under the same roof. In circumstances like yours, the couple knows each other too well and falls right back into the trap of taking each other for granted again. Then the old routine comes back as the problem gets buried a little deeper until you are ready to explode again. Don't do it. You are already out...stay there. At least until this man can acknowledge his fair share of fault, and be willing to accept there is a problem that needs to be worked on. Ignoring it and pretending everything is fine, is not something you want to do hon, it's only going to set you up for a bigger heartache.

I wish you luck.

Answer 3

He is your husband even when he acts like an idiot, even when he is wrong, in the good times *and the bad*, you know how it goes.

You were the one that left. Take responsibility for that.

Start reading books by people who specialize in relationship counseling. Try Dr. Laura or one of those types. I honestly think that you are the problem. Get together, get yourself straightened out, then once you are finished getting yourself in order and stop blaming others, you can look at things with a fresh perspective.

Answer 4

I would suggest couples counseling BEFORE you allow him to move back in. You want to find out if someone can help him and you adjust and change your way of thinking and find ways to resolve issues. I find that is one of the biggest problems...couples don't know how to resolve issues and wind up fighting and then never get the issue resolved. It always raises it's ugly head over and over until you are able to reach a compromise or resolution to the issue. To find those tools you sometimes have to have a mediator (counselor) to help you. Good luck and God bless. AND you both have to find ways to keep the relationship exciting...try taking a ballroom dancing class together. Salsa dancing, try learning how to pole dance or belly dance for him! And for God sakes teach him how to make you have an orgasm! lol! Sometimes that's all we need!

Answer 5

talk to him.... men aren't good with hints, subtle hints, obvious hints, any kind of hints......... Be straightforward. Marriage is work. If you want it to work you have to work at it. Betty White "no pain, no gain"

I suggest that you guys rekindle the love you once had. do the same things that you used to do when you first fell in love. Rethink of the old days, talk about the old days. Relive those memories in person. I think that the respect issues should be dealt with immediately.... I too hate to be disrespected, but then again so does everyone else.


Best wishes.

Answer 6

He is your husband. Agree to move back only if both of you go to marriage counselling. People can get in the habit of taking each other for granted, especially with time. Hopefully he just needed a wake-up call.

Answer 7

You were probably the best thing that happend to him, and it took you leaving for him to realize it. I am glad that you said took your self respect and left. If he loves you and and eants you back, make him work for it!!!> make him prove to you that he is willing to change.

Answer 8

accept him, u wil b better that way, and though hard ttry to become emotionally independent. I m telling u this because iM A VERY EMOTIONALLY DEPENDENT person

Answer 9

lady if u let him move n with u.or u move n with him.U SHOULD GET YOUR HEAD LOOKED @.AFTER ALL THIS TIME DO U THINK HE WILL TREAT U BETTER.NO
EMAIL ME

Answer 10

please go with him.Family earns first place in anyone's life.Try to adjust with him and his behaviour.Some close relationships and feelings can help this.