How do I learn who I am and how I should let things affect me?

Question

I know it's a dumb question and we are supposed to be able to answer it ourselves. But I have an assertiveness problem along with me wearing my feelings on my sleeve.

Answer 1

You should definitely start a journal and discuss with it, everything that you are feeling inside in regard to yourself and in regard to the problems you are having with others. After a week or two of telling yourself (and rereading) about the problems...then take 'one goal' and set it before yourself. Write about the goal you wish to achieve and then set out to achieve it. Then sit back down and write about it. Write about how it felt before the goal, during the goal and after the goal. Write about how you are feeling now. Now set a second goal and do the same thing. In this manner you are instructing your innerself to rise to the occasion and help direct you in your future goals. Your ego, by seeing your seriousness in applying yourself will build stronger connections towards asserting yourself in a healthy way and being able to interject where you would have once been silent. The tools that you have to meet this challenge are already inside of you and the fact that you have 'noted' the problem in your behavior was the first objective to accomplish in eliminating the problem.

If you think of it this way, most people avoid ever 'admitting' they even have a problem about 'anything' and therefore can never correct where they find aberrations.

Answer 2

I have to agree with a previous poster who said a good way to figure out who you are is by figuring out who you are not. I would take that a step further and say also set limits based on those things and stick by them. For example, say you decide you are not a thief(simple enough to do). Then the next time you go to the mall, one of your friends asks you to steal a scarf that she likes. What do you do? Well, since you've decided already you're not a thief, you should just tell her no and continue with your shopping. Say she's persistant and you do have that assertiveness problem. In this case you may want to try fooling her by putting the scarf back when she's not looking and later claim that a sales person was watching. I really don't recommend this course of action. You could try getting loud, "No, I will not steal that scarf for you" said in a loud enough tone will make anyone back off. As far as wearing your feelings on your sleeve, that's not a problem. Alot of people do that. Honesty is usually better than lies in any case, and your hypothetical thief friend will be able to tell you're angry at being asked to steal. Whatever your situation is, think of how it will affect you later. If you take that scarf without paying, even if you are never caught, you are a thief and you know it. If you do not take the scarf you are not a thief and now your thiefy friend knows it too :) Good Luck

Answer 3

Wow - I'm sort of the same way. Ask yourself, what makes you happy? What do you like to do? Who do you love? Who loves you? Some people say to "just be yourself" but that is hard to do when you don't know who you are. You can find out by just looking at the people that you like to be surrounded with. Think about the things that really make you happy. You seem like a nice person and probably have a good idea of what is wrong and what is right. If you see something wrong or someone doing you wrong, you'll know it. But you can't let people step on you. It might be hard to tell people off or just speak your mind. They might look at you differently once you do, but in the end, they will respect you more or just stay away from you. Don't worry about them - just be good to yourself. :)

Answer 4

I used to be the same way until I met a coworker that handled pressure, stress and rude people by just having a calm attitude and demeanor and acting as if everything was okay.
-Anytime an angry customer yelled at him or he had multiple projects assigned to him he would remain calm, never act perplexed or nervous and shake his head. He would say he was only one person and do his best.
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Answer 5

I believe this question plagues any one that has at least a tiny bit of self awareness.I doubt that it will ever go away as long as you have this. The lucky people in the world are the ones that are not aware of themselves.They don't worry and are quite happy. You know what they say,"Ignorance is bliss". There are a lot of blissful people out there !

Answer 6

i used to be the same way. but then i realized that i really don't care what other people think of me. i'm proud to be who i am. sure, it's not fun to be unassertive at times, but how dare the other person walk all over you!! it's really the other person's fault if they can't understand what you're coming from - if they can't show compassion towards you.

just remember that no matter what you do, you are always loved by somebody. sometimes, for me, spending more time alone lets me make decisions that i want to make with no influence by my friends or anybody....then i learn from my mistakes without the embarrassment of having someone else see me fall. and i also learn what i really want when i make decisions when i'm alone.

Answer 7

Its a lot of trial and error. Just roll up your sleeves and get out there in the world.

Answer 8

We learn who we are by knowing who we are not.We are usually a mixture from our parents and grandparents.It's kind of like the process of elimination. We know where love is not through the same process of where it is not but we still go through the process.

Answer 9

I have the same problem. I get through it by making friends that have the same interest and outlook on life. You will overcome this in time.

Answer 10

Life and practice.