I am a 40 year old married proffessional man with 3 kids and a small buisiness. I do love my wife, but I have not been in love with her for a very long time. We think differently about many issues and do not seem to share the same interests or goals..!! I have dreamt for a long time about a life partner that loves to talk about, plan and work together at stuff and laugh along the way. Now I have hired ( 3 Mo. ago) this beautiful person who seems to be just the one I have dreamt about. I can't sto thinking about her. It's getting increasingly hard to keep my mind on work. She is an amazing person, ten yrs younger and single (never married). Am I thinking like an an idiot? what can I do?
2006-10-07 17:02:10 · 14 answers · asked by Steve K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is normal to be attracted to another woman.
* If you say you love your wife start now by making or setting boundaries. I would only talk business and I wouldn't go anywhere with her alone. If you do this you are playing with fire.
*Pray for help from god and try to control your thoughts. Is it possible your marriage has gotten a little boring or comfortable?
*There is a good book I am reading right now called how to have an affair with your husband. (I think that's right) It talks about what is so good about having an affair and also what is so bad about it and the consequences of it. What you want is to bring back the excitement in your marriage and try to remember what made you fall in love with your wife.
*Think about the consequences before you do something you will regret.. what will happen if you cheat... you will lose your wife and your childrens respect.
I know it must be very hard even more so when you don't have the same interests. My husband and I have NOTHING in common and have had a lot of marriage problems. But... overcoming our problems is making our marriage better. It is very very hard at times but you must be faithful. Another thing to think about is why would a 30 yr. old want to have a relationship with someone who has kids and is married.
Don't flirt with her and if it's too much for you fire her if you can.
You are not an idot. It sounds like you coming here and asking your question is a step in the right direction. You must love your wife more than you think. IF you want to know the author or exact title of the book let me know. I hope that some of this helps.
2006-10-07 17:17:00 · answer #1 · answered by tina*21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that what you are going through is very normal. You're not an idiot. But before you make any moves, evaluate the situation - what do you really want? Are you actually considering divorcing your wife for this new woman? How do you know she's the ONE? Don't even think about having an affair with her because that can and probably will lead to ONE HUGE MESS (remember - the kids). I think that new loves and interests are a beautiful thing. It makes you feel good and gives you something wonderful to fantasize and dream about. But often, we give in too easily to temptation. Stop. Think - what are the potential consequences of your actions? Think about all the time that you've spent with your wife - how will you feel, how will you manage once you don't have that anymore? Think about your new love - do you really know her well enough to break things off with your wife? Be strong and leave the new girl alone if it's not worth it. If you have to, then fire her. Just really think about what you want. You might not mind this warning and go messing with the new girl anyway. Jump off a cliff if you want. But we all know what happens when we hit the bottom.
2006-10-07 17:19:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong about fantasizing about a person. What is wrong is when you act on it. Remember do not open a door before closing the last one. If you are not in love with your wife, then you need to do something about it. The person you think you are in love with seems special until you live with her. People are different out in the world than they are at home. Good luck to you. I hope you make the right decision.
2006-10-07 17:06:57 · answer #3 · answered by glenda576 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are thinking like an idiot.You never got what you wanted.The partner that you chose,was not the one.You are in love.It is very hard to brake a family.You will be hurting so many people.Starting over is another difficult process.3 months is not enough time to really know somebody.What you feel is physical attraction.You have to suck it up,bite your tongue and wait.While my husband is mentally abusive,i know that someone else will treat me like a quin.For my kids sake i will stay where i am,unless there will be another woman in his life.Please don't do anything major yet.You need more time to figure something out.Just wait,hide your feelings.
2006-10-07 17:24:24 · answer #4 · answered by avavu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's called "rekindling the ol' flame". you and your wife need to go back into the romantic side of things. don't throw your life away with your family just because of some young, pretty new girl you hired. She wont be what you are looking for in the end and then you will be up the creek without a paddle. Talk to your wife. Bring back some romance, dont go find it elsewhere.
2006-10-07 17:12:20 · answer #5 · answered by val 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't **** in you own backyard....You are in LUST! Think of all the disaster you will create if you go by your lust! You guys are so dumb! Fire her and hire someone not so appealing! You need to get counseling to get your marriage back on track. What do you think is going to happen when you are sick health wise and she is raring to go! Idiot! You do love your wife it has just developed into a different kind of love....deeper, stronger, reliable,safe. It's up to you to spice up you marriage and keep it exciting! Dumb ****! I'm sorry but you are weak minded and a son-of-a- *****! I would hate to have you as a husband you pussy!
2006-10-07 17:15:36 · answer #6 · answered by honeybee4u2c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Romance isn't planned. because of the fact single women human beings/adult men paintings for 8 hours min with another single women human beings/adult men there will be constantly some variety of chemistry. And if women human beings are romantically in touch there could be equivalent volume of adult men too. after all all can't be lesbians.
2016-10-15 23:14:21 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should see a psychiatrist if you have no control over your thoughts. What do you mean you "can't stop thinking" about someone? Do you not control your own brain?
You wait until all 3 kids are 18 and then you get a divorce, and meanwhile seriously get some therapy if you can't control your thoughts, and also seek marital counseling.Your kids deserve it!
2006-10-07 17:15:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are thinking like an idiot!
Wake up and smell the divorce, alimony, child support and turmoil your children will endure!!!!
NEVER CHEAT, if anything, end your marriage before you start ANYTHING new.
2006-10-07 17:14:15 · answer #9 · answered by Keanu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you seem to be judging a book by the cover...let it go..if your going to horse around get a divorce first.
being 30 and never married raises a red flag for me, of course you could be full of bull!
2006-10-07 17:06:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋