Before we got married, my husband gave me the impression that he was picky, never was in any serious relationship, just would get to know girls and he just wasnt impressed by any, and i was the only one he ever loved or cared about or even "had a crush on", i never asked him for these things, he just volunteered this information, obviously i was flattered, but it wouldnt have made a difference otherwise. lately iam finding out that these things arent true. he was just saying them to flatter me, which it obviously worked, but i can help but feel that i was duped in a way. Also he has lied about personality traits that he doesnt have..."i dont have a temper", "i dont flirt", "i say what imean and do as i say", "i dont divelge peoples secrets" etc... I know they seem like small things, but i just cant help but feel that alot of what i liked about him isnt true...and also i keep catching him in lies and he keep breaking promises, nothing huge but still....am i over reacting??
2006-10-07 16:31:45 · 8 answers · asked by Pebbles 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we were together for 2 and a half years, i've been finding out these things slowly during it all, but after pointing them out he always had an execuse, and i chose to see the good in him instead. He is a good man, but just makes himself sound like someone else completley. When we are good we are great, i just hate it everytime i find another lie....
2006-10-07 16:52:23 · update #1
umm im not sure if ur over reacting or not cuz i dont know a lot of specific details. just b/c one day he flirted, doesnt mean hes a huge flirt. he probably exaggerated when he said he was not a flirt. but he meant that he doesnt flirt a lot. but it does seem as if he lied a bit. just wait it out and if he only gets worse talk to him. and if ur not happy end the relationship, it'll be the best decision for the both of u. good luck!
2006-10-07 16:35:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
I don't mean this to be judgmental but how long did you know him/see him seriously BEFORE you were married?
You are NOT over reacting and if I were you I would open a separate savings account and not tell him about it. I would start putting in some $$ so you have an emergency cash fund--just in case you need it. a few hundred dollars could mean the difference between having somewhere to sleep or not if you do decide at some later point to separate.
liars lie and continue to lie way past all reason. If he EVER hits you LEAVE as soon as you safely can, get to somewhere safe with someone you trust and call the police. Don't be pulled in to the cycle of abuse it is so easy to slip into and so hard to get out of.
You are in my thoughts--good luck, I hope things work themselves out.
2006-10-07 16:44:57 · answer #2 · answered by rwl_is_taken 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
this is why you need to wait a good long while before getting married. Everyone is on their best behavior when dating begins. Nobody reveals their flaws at first, for fear that nobody will like them. This is no less than relationship fraud, but hey, everybody does it. Fortunately, eventually most everyone lets down their guard over time, and that's when the warts begin to show.
It's not your fault if you don't like things about him that he didn't allow you to find out about. It's fraud on his part. You have to decide: compromise, learn to love him as is, or divorce him and find someone you can be happy with.
2006-10-07 16:44:00 · answer #3 · answered by 'Schmod 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like it's hard to trust him..and every time you catch him in a lie, it gets harder. I wouldn't want to stay in that sort of relationship...sorry, but trust is a big issue for me...as with a lot of people.
My girl friend says that she has a 3/10 rule...will the relationship be good in 10 minutes...10 months...10 years? If the answer to any of these is no...it's time to go. Ask yourself these questions.
2006-10-07 16:41:24 · answer #4 · answered by Joe 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Saying, "I chose to see the good inside him instead"can be translated as "It doesn't matter that he's a liar I want a man." If he's lying about who he is it won't be long before he's about everything else.
2006-10-07 18:07:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
well no you are not over reacting here. don't sound like you knew him very well before you married the guy? and that my dear is your fault , you should of waited to see some of these true colors before the hole thing got this far. now what? is it more than you can except or are they lies that will tear you apart? you have already went this far...
2006-10-07 16:43:53 · answer #6 · answered by kierstead 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
This is the reason why I don't like to talk about myself to some one. If they really want to know me, they will just have to find out on their own, and if they decide I am not who they want then they do not need to be with me. You should have known who your husband was before you married him any ways.
2006-10-07 16:35:50 · answer #7 · answered by lifescircle 5 · 0⤊ 5⤋
You sound really naive. And that's probably what he liked about you.
Good luck.
2006-10-07 16:34:19 · answer #8 · answered by tina m 6 · 0⤊ 4⤋