I just found out Friday I am pregnant I am married have a four year my husband has two kids with different mom's we are financially unstable ECT.... I am 20yrs old I am a full time student and work as a program leader for a middle school I teach dance and drama, but I honestly do not think I am ready for a baby I just recently got over the first hardest years of raising a child as a single parent I am afraid I fear the edible I fear becoming a single parent again labor raising a child I never in my life had an abortion I cannot imagine getting one never in my life did I ever wanted to get an abortion, know the question is what should I do? Who should I seek for answers? My husband knows I am pregnant and he knows I did not wanted a child... also my parents still do not know I got married? I am also scared if getting an abortion is going to affect my mental state and my relationship, adoption is out of the deal, I just do not think I am ready I’ve been through this before I had my first child at 15 I come along way. I do not want to drop out of college I am transferring to USC next year.
2006-10-07 16:20:53 · 27 answers · asked by mommy2be 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Don't get an abortion. Just because your husband has 2 other kids and you have on, doesn't mean you can't follow your dreams. If you do get the abortion you are going to wonder what this kid would have been. You can do this only if you put your mind to it and if your husband is willing to help you. Stay in school, its going to be hard but no one said life would be easy. This is just a test to see how strong you are. You can overcome anything. I really think you should tell your parents about your husband. Don't keep secrets from them, they can help you. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your parents, but sometimes you need to let them know what is going on. They can help you. Don't be afraid, you are a grown women know. What more could they do. Just talk to them, get it off of you. Don't be afraid to have this baby, things will work out, you just have to have a positive out look on life. YOU CAN DO IT!! Believe me, i know people who have done it. Keep your head up, and something good will come out of this. Look for scholarships and apply for grants to help you along the way. Good luck on life!! My Prayers goes out to you!
2006-10-07 16:32:55 · answer #1 · answered by Beyonce2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, well, it sounds like you're really not ready but, as you now know, not being ready works out a whole lot better if you acknowledge it on the front end and take steps to make it so that you don't get pregnant. Now that you are and you're saying that abortion is something you do not want to do, adoption is out of the question, having a baby seems intolerable to you, what needs to be determined is WHICH of these 3 options you're going to choose. You have to pick one. If you couldn't have been responsible for your mental, emotional and financial health enough to prevent pregnancy then the outcome is that you have a very tough choice to make. For the record, I've had an abortion (stupid of me to not use protection but there it is), I've given a child up for adoption (they don't make steel belted radial condoms and they DO break and you CAN get preggers when that happens) and I now have one of my very own. Having lived all 3 choices, I STILL wouldn't know how to counsel you, what to tell you to do. I know this though: Throughout time, women have known and acted on just this thing. Some have, though they struggled, resigned themselves to parenthood and found happiness along the way. Some saw to it that a baby was never born at all. Pay close attention to your own instinct. You have a little time. Pay attention to your physical response when you seriously consider having a child. Do you feel anxious and tense? What about when you consider carrying to term and giving this child up for adoption? How does that make you feel? What do you feel when you think about terminating the pregnancy? Don't consider for a second what other people might think about this. It's not for them to judge and having a child will, for better and worse, impact your life for your ENTIRE life. If you are not ready for that......then you really are only choosing between two options.
2006-10-07 16:38:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your choices are few...and you already have brought them up. Abortion, which I do not condone. or Adoption. There are so many loving couples who cannot conceive a child of their own who would give your baby so much love. but if you can't bring yourself to give up your child in that way, what about having the baby and dealing with the consequences of your actions. If you are married, why do you fear becoming a single parent again. Is your husband not wanting a baby either. Everything happens for a reason--usually to teach us something about ourselves or about life. I got pregnant when my first hubby and I were divorcing and I was already a single mother. Being a single parent is not the worst thing in the world. As for your schooling, maybe you have to hold off for a little while. or maybe you enlighten your parents to the fact that you are married and ask for their help and advice to get through this. there are compromises you just have to seek them out and it usually means being open and honest with everyone about how you feel so that they will help you. If you are against both abortion and adoption, you don't have a choice but to have this baby and give it the best you possibly can of yourself. Good luck.
2006-10-07 16:30:17 · answer #3 · answered by j05gemini 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Things happen for a reason. Maybe there is someone close to you who is wanting a child but can't get preg. so you have the answer for them. You could give the gift of a life time to some lucky people who are wanting a child very bad but can't have one. You could go with an open adoption where you can still be in the childs life. Your strong & as you said you've come a long ways so don't let this stop you from getting your dream. But do not get an abortion cause it sounds like it would haunt you for life. Good Luck & I hope you find a reasonable solution. God Bless & I'll pray for you.
2006-10-07 16:33:15 · answer #4 · answered by smiley 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey there, sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. i am not going to give you any negativity, promise. first of all this site is really cool, but i think you should look for the answers to your questions (I feel you have more than one) from some place like planned parenthood where they have counselors to help you make an informed decision. I have four children and I understand your plight. i could never imagine having to be a single mom and although I don't know if i could go through with an abortion or not, I do know that there is a reason that that is an option for women. We all want to give our children the best we can give them and only you know what that potential is. i really think perhaps your husband could be of some help, maybe not in making the decision but in being there for you, whatever you decided. Do not drop out of school that you would regret. i really recommend seeking more information from your ob/gyn or like I said before, planned parenthood and good luck to you.
2006-10-07 16:30:59 · answer #5 · answered by JennieLouie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
getting an abortion will affect your mental health for years to come, (probably the rest of your life) and as a result your relationships as well. I would advise against the abortion. Did you talk to your husband about how you feel about raising another child at this time in your life? If you really want my opinion........ I think you should have the child. You can still go to college and get your education. Good luck to you. Take care
2006-10-07 16:28:45 · answer #6 · answered by Michelle : 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just try to take it one day at a time. First of all, don't drop out of school!! There's lots of financial aid to help you through. Also depending on how far along you actually are, you do still have a little while to prepare yourself. I think abortion should be out of the question as well. Mistakes happen, but I firmly believe that things happen for a reason. Even if we don't understand why. How does your husband feel, is he supportive? I think you should probably be honest with your parents. . .about everything. You are a big girl, and if they don't approve of the marriage they'll just have to deal. It sounds like things are on the right path for you, just keep truckin' on and take it one day at a time. Everything will be okay. Maybe your hsuband could get a part time job for a while to help the financial situation. (just a suggestion). Something elso to look into are government programs like WIC (women,infants, & children). Depending on your annual income they can help out a lot with a newborn and other children.
I wish you the best of luck!!! Be positive and think about what's best for your family. But for sure stay in college!!! Remember the financial part is only temporary and it will get better. Just take in one day at a time!!!!!
2006-10-07 16:36:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion:
1. Don't do the abortion
2. Get honest with your parents, they will be mad at you, but you have to.
3. You don't have to drop out from your college, USC is a great college, just do your best to be a mom and a student.
4. Do a safer sex next time. Don't let this happen again and again. Learn from the past experience, do the best today, and make the plan for the future.
5. If in the past you can make it through, I believe you can do it again.
Ready or not, the baby will be born. And for your husband, ask him to support you, to help you to raise his children.
Hope this will help.
2006-10-07 16:31:30 · answer #8 · answered by Pastoer_return 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mother planned to get an abortion with me, but my grandfather was an achoholic, and he drank on the money for it. Although it has impacted his health tremendously, it saved mine, so you really have to think of the big picture- yeah, it's gonna be hard, I am a single mother, and I'm doing it all by myself. In the end, these hard times will be behind you, and you'll be able to say that you got passed it. How did you get through having a child at 15, and alone? This seems hard, but trust me you will get through it. REMEMBER that God only gives us what we can handle. I even considered an abortion with my son, but I am crying as I am writing this, just thinking about my beautiful baby boy. I DO NOT regret having him, I'm very thankful to be able to have children, and you really should be too. You'll be okay- you're a woman, and we are very strong! Good luck, and I think you should listen to the song "Can I Live", by Nick Cannon.
2006-10-07 17:40:53 · answer #9 · answered by chelsea w 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please don't get an abortion. I know from experience that you'll never forget it. As you get older it's harder than you will ever think to quit remembering what you did to a human life. What if your mom did that . You would not be here to enjoy what God gives us. I pray everyday that I will be forgiven for doing that. What you think you do not want or do not need, or even can't handle will be the greatest reward in your life. Only time will show you that. Hang in there, you have a real life baby inside you that would really love to meets his or her mom. You will feel like you commited murder, I promise you that. Take it from someone who lives it every day. Do your best and that will be all you have to do. It will all work out. I wish you the very best.......
2006-10-07 16:38:19 · answer #10 · answered by Lady Jo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋