I am in my early 40's and returned to college to finish my graduate studies. I have made a friend whom I really enjoy spending time with; however, she is a lesbian. I have no problem with the fact she is a lesbian---other than I think she is becoming interested in me sexually. Lately, many of our conversations have turned sexual in nature, by her taking them there. This is making me uncomfortable and I have told her so politely; though, she just laughed. I don't want to hurt her, I enjoy our friendship, but I am NOT interested in her sexually. How do I convey this to her without hurting her, our friendship, or, heaven-forbid...have her think I have some hang-up regarding her sexuality?
2006-10-07 16:01:02 · 14 answers · asked by ? 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I probably should have added in my original description that I have been married, very happily, to the same man for more than 20 years.
2006-10-08 04:31:00 · update #1
Let her know that you're not interested, and be very serious about it. Let her know that you're very serious about this. Anyone, regaurdless of their sexuality, should back off when the other person says they're not interested. If she still persists or has a problem with what you say, then it's her problem, not yours. Let her go flirt elsewhere and find more respectful friends.
2006-10-08 04:26:21 · answer #1 · answered by carora13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know, I have a dear friend who "came out of the closet" after we had been friends for a while. She certainly isn't interested in me, and she knows I'm not lesbian, but she does seem to discuss sexual topics way more frequently than I find acceptable and with detail that I really prefer not to hear. I've actually started to avoid her on account of this, though I miss her friendship. She doesnt live near me anymore, so its not hard at all to avoid her. I think its just part of the social development of a person exploring their own sexuality. I think it is just a phase and will pass, and soon she will be able to discuss other topics too.
2006-10-07 16:19:12 · answer #2 · answered by Smiley 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Shelley R,
I am under the inpression that the one and a half date is the best thing for these situations. You meet where you ccan talk, coffee shops are my personal favorite, and you tell her to meet you there at whatever time. When you show up, your date is with you. He or she must show only affection towards you. If you don't know anyone to play or be trusted with this, then all you've got left is to:
1) Give into her
2) Have to constantly fight her off
3) Lose her
4) Find someone you do want to be with
Be careful when choosing someone. It has to be someone that is out with you. Monogamously minded. (Otherwise it could be two people that you are resisting.)
2006-10-07 16:21:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess just calmly let her know that you're only interested in friendship, or like the previous commentator said, treat her like you would a guy who's doing the same. If you continue to feel uncomfortable with her raising that type of topic, then take further action, again like you would w/ a guy.
2006-10-07 16:27:59 · answer #4 · answered by Ivallinen Roisto 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is not getting the hint in a polite matter, then you need to tell her "with all do respect to your sexuality" it is not my beliefs, and that it is making you feel very uncomfortable. If she is a true friend, she will not continue to harass you in that manner no more. Reiterate that you enjoy her friendship, but that is where the line is drawn.
2006-10-07 16:21:31 · answer #5 · answered by Tammy M 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm a 30 year-old lesbian. One of the stages I went through in coming out to myself and my two closest girlfriends, was an intense interest in them, despite the fact they reiterated that they were straight. I eventually realized they weren't going to change for me and stopped showing my interest. I recently thanked them for their patience and gentleness in putting me off. If this friend is attracted to you, I would be firm but gentle to let her down easy. And by all means, take it as a complement! If her discussions are for another reason, someone else's advice may help.
2006-10-07 20:08:21 · answer #6 · answered by lucy_ritter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps treat it the same way you would if a male friend had sexual feelings for you that weren't reciprocated?
2006-10-07 16:11:36 · answer #7 · answered by Glory Box♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lesbians believe that every woman deep in their hearts are lesbians at heart. Think on that- if you think she's putting the make on you, then she probably is putting the make on you
2006-10-07 16:35:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
aww, that must be really hard for you to deal with. Hmmm, i think you should just say to her, or drop subtle hints: talking about your husband/ bf, or showing her potential men you like... ermm, go out with her after college and let her see you in you're environment: pubs, bars for straight people... but please dont hurt her feelings...she is human after all
Hol on... she could just be teasing you, my ex gf used to do it with all straight girls... she got a kick out of making them skirm.... maybe you should accept her advances...watch how she retreats once you start flirting back....
2006-10-08 01:44:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem like a very genuine and honest person. Tell her exactly what you told us. You want to continue to spend time with her like you do, but you want it to stay friendly and not to go further.
2006-10-07 16:52:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋