My huband is deployed and we just talked ealier today and said how he can't wait to come home and hold me again. Then he sends me and e-mail like a half hour ago and say he not sure if he is in love with me anymore and does not know if our marriage can work. What should I do?
2006-10-07 15:54:13 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Try to be strong for both of you!
2006-10-07 15:56:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband was deployed for almost a year. It is a hard time. This will be hard to do, but don't worry about it right now. He is going through soooo much he probably doesn't know what end is up. The best thing for you to do is just help him know that you are there for him- no matter what. When he comes home then deal with how he feels.
There is only one exception- if he is cheating on you while he is away. In my book there is no excuse. Especially if you are being the dutiful wife who is supportive and true to him.
2006-10-07 15:58:46 · answer #2 · answered by gizbit76 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to keep this in mind. He is in a place that he doesn't want to be in. he's probably scared and confused about a lot of things. And there's something else to consider, maybe he's trying to push you away because he is afraid of hurting you if something happens to him. Also maybe he cheated on you and he's feeling guilty and has no other way to express it. There are a million things that it could be but the important thing is to not jump to conclusions. He may send another email a little bit later. I'm sure a million things are going through his mind, as it would be expected when you are fearing for your life. Try to put yourself in his shoes. I'm sure his brain is a jumbled mess. Be patient with him and be there for him and he will probably come around. My husband will be deploying in Jan so I know I am going to have a lot of this too look forward to so to speak. Good luck!
2006-10-07 15:58:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey,I can really understand your confusion.I wasn't expecting the question to be so serious.First thing I can say is it takes a VERY unique woman to be married to a man that's fighting in a war.I know for sure I couldn't do it.So, just knowing that about you tells me you are a very strong woman.The only thing I could possibly think of for the abrupt change of heart is the MAJOR STRESS he's under.I'm not making excuses for him,because first and foremost,I've never been in the situation of living in a war zone.We know it can't be fun,and I know they never come back the person that left.Maybe something happened just before he emailed you.Something that maybe gave him doubts about his mortality,and that was his way of maybe getting you mad and confused in case something happened.I'm not trying to scare you,but you know that has to be something that goes through your minds.More than likely he will send you another email probably very soon appologising.And you could then just ask him if something was said that upset him,and weather it was or wasn't something you said,maybe just appologise,and I'm sure you already tell him how much you love him,and next time maybe just let him do most of the talking next time he calls.Please know that I'm not saying that you don't do these things already,I'm just putting things out there that maybe can help you.I just want you to know that even though we don't know each other,I admire your courage and strength to keep things together under these cirumstances.I live near 29Palms Marine base,here in Calif. And I see these guys coming home from war and I just wonder how are they going to get acclamated from being shot at.Please tell your husband that appreciation for what they are fighting for just doesn't seem like a strong enough word for how we feel.Is there any kind of support group for the women of our fighting men?Anyway,you take care of yourself,my prayers are with you. God bless
2006-10-07 16:52:39 · answer #4 · answered by LEJIANE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having just come back from an extended deployment in the middle east myself, I can tell you that your husband is definitely feeling a lot of feelings that he may not have ever felt before. The experience is most likely causing his mind to run a hundred miles an hour, and he really can't help it. I think that the best thing that you can do for him (and for your relationship) is to reassure him of your feelings and be there for him in every capacity during his absence. Make sure that he knows that you're waiting eagerly for him to return and that cheating is the last thing on your mind. It means a lot to know that someone really cares for you and misses you when you're 7000 miles from home. Good luck to the two of you!
2006-10-07 16:01:26 · answer #5 · answered by AndrewH 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I can't even imagine what it must feel like.
For starters, make him explain his contradictory behavior! I'm guessing he'll tell you that this has been brewing for a while and he couldn't bring himself to say anything until now, and that the apperance of everything being ok was just a facade he's been putting up. Things don't change THIS rapidly for no reason.
Deployment is bound to take its toll on a marriage, so whatever's going on can't be addressed until he's home again. And then, consider trying to get him to go with you to counseling to get to the bottom of how he's feeling. Then it will be clear what needs to be done.
Good luck...
2006-10-07 16:02:26 · answer #6 · answered by James L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds confused. If he's in Iraq he has a whole lot on his mind. He's in the middle of a war zone. He could be thinking that maybe you shouldn't wait for him to come home, that you should find someone that you could be with right now. But then he might change his mind again tomorrow. He's under the most enormous stress right now & probably isn't thinking clearly.
2006-10-07 16:03:45 · answer #7 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he cant wait to hold you then later he say hes not sure if hes still inlove. Your husband is making fun of you.Maybe hes just joking . Youll find it out when he come home he really miss you and still love you but if not well.. find another one. That guy, your husband hes not the only guy in the world. Tell him hes ugly and yucky after that, cry for a week or maximum of a month and then have some make over find another one.
2006-10-07 16:02:12 · answer #8 · answered by anne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes. He sounds like Jekyl & Hyde. wtf?
If he's coming home soon, make an apointment with a marriage counselor and insist that he go with you immediately (like, in the first week after he returns) to talk to the counselor. You need to get this straightened out. The only thing more damaging than the demise of a relationship is a head f-ck.
2006-10-07 15:59:30 · answer #9 · answered by jack b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have him on the phone so fast and find out what in the world he is talking about. First of all, if he feels that way it is gutless to write that to his wife over e-mail, this is a a marriage, not a 9th grade crush. Second of all, he needs to wait until he gets home to sort out his feelings and talk to you face to face before he can make that kind of statement.
2006-10-07 15:59:37 · answer #10 · answered by meg515 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A subject such as this cannot be discussed between a husband and wife via e-mails. Seek a marriage counselor now and tell your husband that you will be involved in counseling until he comes home and you hope he will participate with the counselor once he gets home because you want ad need his help in saving your marriage and relationship.
2006-10-07 15:59:10 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋