Am I wrong for getting angry with my fiance for watching porn?

Question

I found a clip of two women getting it on, on MY computer, I think of watching porn as a form of cheating, although I know he hasnt done anything physical, he still was phantasizing about two other women. Why do you men think watching porn is okay? Or going to strip clubs? When your in a serious relationship, there should be none of that, it should be just you two enjoying each other, am I wrong? I need a guys piont of view please, on why you do what you do.

Answer 1

No, it's not cheating! Always remember this, all guys fantasize, sometimes you will be part of that fantasy, sometimes not. Most of the times it's fictional characters or people such as actresses, models, basically people that they will never come in contact with. This is completely normal and to be expected.

On the other hand, if their fantasies do contain people that they know, there may be a problem, that could lead to infidelity.

No matter how much two people love each other, the man will always want more (in most cases). The way most men deal with this is through fantasy. These fantasies come and go and basically mean very little to the guy, except at that very moment.

Guys that don't watch porn or fantasize, are the guys that you need to worry about. If most guys didn't have this form of outlet available to them, cheating would be the next step.

Men, by design were given very strong sex drives and it's in their nature to populate the Earth. It isn't natural for a man to settle down with one mate. So, in order for this to happen we must find other creative means of feeding our natural urges and hungers, while remaining faithful.

An old girlfriend, years ago didn't like the idea of me watching porn or looking at adult material, so she suggested that we make our own videos and whenever I had the urge. . . . . .I'd just pop in one of our home made tapes. Once that material got old to me, we'd just make up a few more. I can honestly say, that after 8 years of being together, I never watched any porn, other than our special tapes.

If you decide to do this, keep in mind that the tapes have to be something really hot, not just your ho-hum missionary stuff. Use your imagination and by all means, ask him what he would like.

I hope that helps and ease up on the fiance, after all, he's just a man. :-)

P.S.: It really cracks me up as to how many women this issue pisses off. Get a grip ladies, it's the way we are, the older ladies realize it and they're the ones with the successful relationships.

This question was directed to us guys, not women and look how many women couldn't help themselves and had to jump in and throw their 2 cents? Get some self-confidence and realize that if you're even half the women you could be, it's easy keeping us in line and begging for more.

Answer 2

you shouldnt "get even" as you say. because then it would put you at his same level and then u will get messed up too. Honestly, there is nothing with watching porn, but when the guy or girl has a partner, everything is wrong. Why does he feel the need to watch porn? Do you satisfy him in what he wants in bed? Do you guys have sex often? If he doesnt stop doing that .....it will destroy your relationship. The guy starts getting addicted and might not get an erection without porn by his side. And the woman gets upset because she feels insecure and bad and starts thinking that she isnt enough for him. That is very humiliating, to be honest. I know u have tried confronting him.....maybe u should call a computer technician or do something to the computer to completely block those websites. If he wont understand or do anything to stop watching porn, then you need to do something about it. Also, dont forget your sex life is very important for the relationship and for him to stop watching porn. But i understand that with this problem u might not even feel the desire to have sex with him since him watching porn makes u feel bad. But if u dont have a problem with that...just try to do it. I wish u good luck. If he doesnt stop.....simply end the relationship cuz if this is this way NOW,,,,,i cant imagine when uguys get married. It will be too late

Answer 3

Watching the porn isn't really that big of a deal (i don't do it myself)... if he has just one clip of something or a couple of magazines... I have two clips that are outtakes from porno movies... it's not like I'm a pervert just because of that.
It's nothing to be worried about. On the other hand, If he has the entire playboy collection in plastic, a (video) library of porn, and a HD full of porn, then I'd worry.

The fantasizing thing is only natural because that's the way our dispositions are (men are pigs) and it's really just a natural thing that happens. I've been (happily) married (kinda) for 8 years now... the only time that I have to (want to) go to a strip club is for bachelor parties. I'll go but I don't have the need to go there (to see breasts) on a regular basis. I think it's just for the testosterone, and the male bonding thing (psycho babble).

Boys will be boys and they will grow out of it... if they don't then there is a problem and it's not a big problem, it's an easily fixed problem. Don't tell me that you haven't seen a cute guy and imagined what it would be like to date (have mad monkey sex with) him. You don't consider that cheating.... do you... so why would it be any different with men? (Men just do it faster and more frequently.)

I think it's just fine.. he will be fine... or kick him to the curb.. it's that simple.... just keep an eye on him... because afterall.... he is a man....

Answer 4

I am married and I look at porn on the computer too. I have never been to a strip club. The first time my wife caught me, she hid the computer in the garage. I love my wife and I don't want to hurt her. I don't know why I look at it but I do. It doesn't make me want to cheat on her, and I still love her more than anything in the world. Now she knows I do it and just accepts it, as long as I come to bed on time and it doesn't get in the way of me being a responsible man of the house. I want to say that I know that porn is wrong. I know it is on an academic level. I know it is to the members of my church. However, porn has been around for centuries, and there is something more to it than just whether you love your partner or not. For me, well done porn is like a beautiful piece of artwork. It appeals to me like a well written poem or a finely crafted statue, all with the bonus of an orgasm.

Try reading a women's romance novel, and I think you may start to relate to the way your fiancee feels about porn. Everyone knows that porn is stupid, that romance novels are stupid, but we still acquire them.

Sorry if this doesn't help.

Answer 5

Sorry, but YOU are wrong, totally, of course in my opinion only. I think if you feel you should have such control over this aspect of your future husband's life, or control in general over another human's life, you really should reconsider marriage.

Porn is OK for nearly all people, nearly all men in particular. Tell you something, too. Sometimes a guy wants just release, not the lovemaking, foreplay, pleasing of the romanticized version of what SOME women expect sex to be on each occasion; so porn is good and fun for a quickie by yourself.

Most men, not all, feel this way; some are restrained because they have become so hen-pecked it isn't worth the risk of what they go through. Others have a quiet place. Ideally it would be great if men felt comfortable enough with their partners to just say," I want to c** and go to sleep, is that ok ?" Sometimes two minutes is enough. Not the hour non-stop marathon that some of the women here think is what should be normal.

Ladies, please don't send your hate mail this time.

Answer 6

See, I don't think you should be angry. I think you just have the wrong guy. You can't change someone, and if he's into that and you can't accept it, then there's a major contention and you should SERIOUSLY think about it before taking those vows. Some men like porn, some don't - you can find one that doesn't. More of the men I've been in relationships with have NOT been into porn, any that were would not be appealing to me at all...

Answer 7

I think this is a question you should discuss with you fiance first. And I don't think that you should get upset with him until you hear exactly why he chooses to watch. I do agree that if you are in a serious relationship, there should be none of the activities that you mentioned. With my boyfriend, we talked a bit into the relationship about porn, and that I felt it would be inappropriate for him to view. He agreed that he wouldn't do it anymore, but then if later I find that he is still watching then I would be pissed, because we've talked about it.

Answer 8

Men are visual creatures it could be a curiosity or something that you will not do in this case it sounds like it is no big deal. Talk with him if he wants to watch that just not on your computer. As for strip clubs it goes back to being visual thing as long it is not affecting your relationship. Sometimes it use as a teaching tool if you don't tell him what you like. He might be trying to get some steamy points to increase your pleasure. Good luck

Answer 9

Get real. Go talk to some people who've been married for many many years. Everybody, women and men have fantasies. 60% of married men in America cheat. 40% of married women in America cheat. The divorce rate is nearing 50%. I think outlets like these and greater openness, honesty, unselfishness, and mostly less fear (and remember what Yoda said: if you're angry, you started out afraid of something, so figure out what that was) in relationships can really help over the long term.

If you're willing, maybe surprise him and tell him you're into it too.

Good luck and Congratulations on the wedding.

Answer 10

Guys are visually stimulated. They will look at it. Unfortunately it makes alot of girlfriends and wives upset. You need to let him know you don't like it. You don't want that crap in your house, on your computer and so on. If he looks at it elsewhere, well, not much you can do about that. But in your home, on your computer that's different. Let him know it's upsetting to you. And don't yell about it, don't fly off the handle. Just talk to him about it. If talking to him doesn't work then do something similar. Start having hunky men plastered everywhere. Your screen saver, air freshener in the car, poster on the wall. Heck, put it on the ceiling in your bedroom! He'll get the idea. He won't like seeing that all over the place either.