sexless marriage?

Question

ok, been married 7 years, been together 10... we have had sex once in the last year. Its not just the physical intimacy I miss, its the emotional intimacy too, prol more so. I am so angry and frustrated, we dont even touch when we lay in bed at night. I dont want a divorce, I'm not in a position to ask for one, and I dont want to sleep around becuase its not about that. what would you do?

Answer 1

I had a marriage exactly like yours once. I asked him many times to talk to me about the problem (he didn't want to be intimate either), begged him to go to counselling, tried to be sexy for him, nothing worked. He told me once, that he was happy with the way things were, and therefore he wasn't going to change anything. At 10 years of marriage, I called it quits. He was so distraught, and could not understand why. That was more than 20 years ago. I am still single, and I don't regret it one bit. There are times when I am lonely now....but you don't know what lonely is until you are sleeping 6 inches away from someone you love, but the distance is so great there might as well be an ocean between you.

See if he is willing to get couselling with you first. If he is not, then you have to do what you feel is best for you.

Answer 2

The first thing you absolutely have to do is have a talk and find out why you aren't having an intimate relationship. Is it a physical problem? Emotional? You have to be open and honest to get to the root of the problem. Only after that can you work together and try to overcome this obstacle together. It is good that you don't just assume you have to get a divorce, no one ever said marriage is easy! But if you can talk openly, see a medical professional and rebuild your relationship to have a healthy sex life, you both will be so much happier! Good luck!

Answer 3

Is the husband not making any kind of aggressive advances at all, or is it just because of daily stress and being busy> If it is your husband and you have made advances and told him how you feel,and he still doesnt,there is a reason why he is not accepting your advances.What was happeneing when you noticed this to first begin?Was there something that was going on, or something that happened? If you have asked yourself all these questions and still come up with nothing, then Im sorry to say, that I would hire a PI to find out whats going on with him on a daily basis.If thats not the case,then try being aggressive with him ,and turn over at night and cuddle with him or let him know how youre feeling. If nothing you can recall has brought this on, still remember its been 10 years and some couples go through this for a period of time.If that is the case,give it a little more time and then worry. hope this helped.good luck

Answer 4

Getting a divorce is the quick way out...and then what? Meet someone new who seems exciting and then with time you'll be back to square minus 1 - try try and try again... A lot of women think - "i'm there so why doesn't he do something" - how about if you initiate... while he is in his sleep... get it going... if that doesn't spark things up - then its definitely a medical situation... at which time you'll know the route to fixing things...

the grass isn't always greener on the other side... i know lots of divorced people... and with the plethura of diseases out there...

you can't go near someone without a medical chart in hand and even that's no guarantee.

hope that helps!

Answer 5

Set your husband down and be open, honest, and communicate your feelings. Let him know you miss him and ask him what you can both do to help change things. Whatever you do don't get angry...it won't solve anything and only set you back further. Or plan a romantic suprise for him. When you're out together, hold hands, give him a back rub. When you're sleeping roll up next to him and and tell him you love him and kiss his neck. Try to engage something with him. If he does not respond, then my next thought is that he has a mistress somewhere. Most men aren't celibate.

Answer 6

I speak from experience. This is not a GOOD sign---not a good sign at all. I stopped having any intimacy with my 1st husband when I realized I was TOTALLY unattracted to him. I did not want him to touch me in any way. EVER. I lived like this for several years. I finally got divorced---it took alot of courage. Don't suffer like that. Get out. Find someone who loves you for you and who is attracted to you because you're you. I am now with my 2nd hubby and we are wild about each other. We touch all the time.

Answer 7

sexless marriage here too for about 9 years. she never really liked sex or even cuddling or any show of affection physically or emotionaly. now she cant have sex because of a physical problem. i wish i would have divorced her along time ago. now i feel obligated to stay because she can't take care of her self finacially.

Answer 8

Do you know why this has happened in your marriage?

You should tell your husband how lonely and disconnected from him you feel and ask him if he feels the same way.

If he does I strongly suggest some marriage counseling.

Your marriage is headed for certain disaster if you guys don't do something soon....I wish you luck.

Answer 9

you prob. had sex alot in the begin. ? even though u ve been 2gether 10yrs that 7th yr of mar. is always a little tougher than others. i know mine was. mar 10 2gether 14. some people r more sexual than others (and affectionate) he may feel comfortable in relat. & not even realize how youre feeling. express yourself.

Answer 10

Maybe sex has become boring? Try some new things. They have games you can play together. Costumes where you can pretend. Lots of things that might spice it back up.