I used to have a great boyfriend who I was dating for about a year. We were deeply in love with each other. We recently had an unexpected pregnancy and although he was scared about the situation he was going to stay. Now he is telling me he wants to move across the country to New York, pretend he has no child, not pay child support, never visit the baby, and never tell his parents or anyone else. He is getting this crappy advice from his older brother. I am not sure if he will ever do the right thing (which in my opinion is accept his baby), so I am at the point where I want to tell his mother and father (who live in NY). I don't think they can convince him to do the right thing, but I want them to know about their first grandchild so if they'd like to be involved in the child's life they can. I don't like the idea of my baby not having her/his father's family not around because her/his daddy is easily influenced. Should I tell his parents if he won't? And how and when should I do it?
2006-10-07 15:05:07 · 24 answers · asked by Christina K. 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I am 4 months pregnant at this point. I know his mother, but I've never met his father as he is in another state.
2006-10-07 15:18:49 · update #1
You should 1)tell his parents and 2)Find a good attorney right now.
As far as "unplanned pregnancy"? Thats a lie- you had sex, and part of being an adult is having children
2006-10-07 15:06:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Before you tell his parents, you should contact an attorney and start putting things in place for you to receive child support. Either your ex can cooperate and act responsibly, or he can face legal consequences.
Concerning his parents, I would wait and tell them after you've gotten your "ducks in a row" legally. They should know that they have a grandchild coming, but I don't know that I would go into the details of your ex's plans. They are his parents after all, and their natural inclination with be to support him, even if he's being a jerk. They make take the same position as his idiot older brother. It's not up to them to convince him to do the right thing, and it's not fair of you to expect them to intervene on your behalf. Your position should be "I'm pregnant with your son's child. I would like you to be involved in the baby's life so he / she will know his grandparents." Period. It will be up to your ex to explain his lack of involvement or interest. You may not like the idea of your child not being involved with the father's family, it is not up to you and it's their decision to make. All you can do is hope that they act sensibly and responsibly.
I would act as if the baby's father and family were not a consideration in your decisions. That way, whatever positive involvement they have will come as a pleasant surprise.
Finally, do what you can (physically and emotionally) so you don't find yourself in this situation again. Talk to your doctor and consider other methods of birth control. Good luck!
2006-10-07 15:25:00 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd try and give him a little more time. He's probbaly running scared right now, thinking he's not man enough to handle this. He'll hopefully come around, but if you get closer to delivery and he's still acting the same, or if he really does go to NY, then by all means, call his mommy!
She'll be excited to hear about her grandbaby, and she'll prolly smack him upside the head until he acts right.
And if that fails, contact a lawyer. He can't skip out on child support just by leaving the state.
2006-10-07 15:33:40 · answer #3 · answered by Queen Queso 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell his parents. Immediately. And more to the point, tell a lawyer. You are entitled to support for this child, and he is NOT entitled to just go away and pretend he does not have a child. Oh, and be grateful if he doesn't want to live with you, anyone with no more backbone than he has will turn out to be a liability - and an expensive one - as time goes on!
2006-10-07 15:14:20 · answer #4 · answered by Baby'sMom 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would tell his parents right away and let them know he had no intention of telling them. They have a right to see this child even if their son is a loser! second of all the man is going to pay child support whether he likes it or not. make sure he is made to do a paternity test by the state. talk to your local human services department they will see to it that this does not go forgotten. Men like this don't deserve to be fathers and god only knows why they can reproduce but I would do something about it ASAP!
2006-10-07 15:12:30 · answer #5 · answered by Bonnie K 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell them if you are having his baby then his parents should know that they have a grandchild. Yes he may never do what is right but that is the chance you are going to have to take. You don't need a useless man in your life to make it. You in time will find a great man who will do right by you and your child. You can get him for child support but if you want nothing to do with him have him sign his rights away this means no support will be given but then you will never have to deal with or worry that he will sooner or later want to come back into his child's life which can cause emotional problems later on, but if you want him to be able to have that chance then take him to court to get support but that means no matter how far down the road if he wants to see his child then he has the right to.
2006-10-07 15:10:49 · answer #6 · answered by medevilqueen 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
YES you should! That baby is a precious life than should NOT be ignored by any deadbeat dad.. (Sorry that is what he sounds like) You need to do what you have to do for your baby hon! That baby deserves a maternal family and a paternal family! If he is mature enough to have sex with you, he best well better be mature enough to be a father! Just remember, sometimes the best things in life are not planned! A surprise is something you didnt know you wanted until you have it!!
2006-10-07 15:13:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to get a lawyer because he HAS to pay child support. I know, my parents are divorced and when I lived with my Ma my Papi HAD to pay child support. And definitely tell his parents, maybe thy can talk to him about it. He is probably very scared. If his parents live across the country, just call them and let them know what their son plans on doing. You should tell them after you talk to him and he's very serious about going through with this. Then I would slap his older brother.
2006-10-07 15:17:50 · answer #8 · answered by mielxmezclada 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go ahead and tell them. I don't know how far along you are, but if he has made it abundantly clear he has absolutely no intention of telling his parents, then do it when you feel comfortable. But, if he's hesitant, give him a little while to tell his parents, he could very well change his mind. (I'm giving him a little bit of a chance here) He'll have to pay child support, go to your department of social services, they will be able to help you with all the legalities of that. Good Luck!!
2006-10-07 15:11:53 · answer #9 · answered by melashell 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
you should have done it yesterday !Yes tell his mom and dad , it seems he is not much of a man or ready to be someone who you would want your child to look up to , sounds like he needs to growup alote . you don't need this guy in your life out of state or not you can still get money out of him for the part he played in this childs life . if he miss out ! then one day he might grow up but by that time the baby will have been grown and will not want him , what comes around goes around . that is very nice of you to think of the baby's grandparents .
2006-10-07 15:12:27 · answer #10 · answered by chris D 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I would say good riddance! What kind of influence is he going to have on your child if he is that immature? Children are impressionable, so be careful. Surround your baby with responsible family members, and protect it from everyone else. Let the jerk go, and lean on the people who really love you and your baby.
2006-10-07 15:11:17 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋