What do I do?????

Question

I am getting married.... to a black guy.... I am white.... my parents, siblings, and friends dont mind it.... my aunt and grandmother however do.... they even went so far as to say that if he was with me I was NOT welcome at their houses... I have always been close to my grandmother because i am her oldest grand daughter... but now she wants nothing to do with me.... what do I do.... I need advice.... Thank you to all of you who really answer this... To those of you who answer this with a stupid remark... your welcome for the whole two points you get from it!!!!!

Answer 1

My hubby is white and I am a black girl, He and I have been together for 13 years here in OKLAHOMA and our relationship has done nothing but get better since he told his family to go to HECK. We have dealt with all the negativity and it has only made us stronger. We have 3 beautiful children, whom are just fine. People will tell you that there is no place in the world for and I quote "mixed kids" and the way I look at it everyone is mixed. there is no pure race anymore. It will only hurt your relationship in the long run if you don't try to put a stop to them now. If they love you they will either over look it or they will lose a loving member of their family. And if you love your guy then don't let them win, you will regret it in the end. Your happiness is more important. Have your wedding and the biggest party imaginable and don't invite them. Just look at it as their lose. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS...

Answer 2

Hello there, I feel that you should do what ever is in your heart. Your grandmother and aunt, will understand in due time. When your marriage starts flourishing and they see that he treats you good they will change their mind. Whites usually do not like Black men because they think that they all hit their women and treat them bad. Just like in any race you have good men and bad men. It seems, since you are going to marry this one and your family likes him he is one of the good ones. Don"t worry about your aunt and gradma for now, concentrate on your wedding and happiness. Your family stands behind you so go for it. I can imagine that you will feel bad because they wont be there, but just save the pictures so that they can see what they missed.
They should be happy for you for finding a good man. But as you are seeing now, things do not change too fast in this world we live in. There is still a lot of prejudice around and I don't think it will ever go away. Enjoy your preparations for your wedding. You can ask them again if you feel it in your heart, if not leave it alone. Even though they love you they don't want to respect your decisions. As I said before they might or might not come around, if they don;t that is their lost. They will miss your wedding, the birth of your first child, and all that is important to a united family. I wish you and Hubby to be the best. May you have a glorious wedding and a great long marriage with lots of kids. Don't worry anymore you did what you could for them to understand. Go ahead make your life and be happy. May God bless you.

Answer 3

What's more important to you? The man you're marrying or your grandmother?

You can either live your life as you see fit, or you can do what makes your grandmother and aunt happy. Your choice.

If you decide on him, then write your grandmother and aunt both a letter, and say, "I love you dearly, and always will, but is the man I'm marrying. I hope you can get past your issues, and decide that my happiness means more to you. However, if you can't, I understand and I love you. My heart and my door are always open to you."

Good luck.

Answer 4

I think it is a generation thing. People from you're Aunt and Grandma's era just don't think about black people the way that you should. They are not black people, but just people. But they grew up in that time frame when it was different. I guess the only thing you can do is sit them down and just tell them how much they mean to you and you aren't doing this to spite them, but he is the one you love. You would think they would just accept it. But anyway, that's about all you can do. If they won't accept it, they won't accept it. It's too bad, really, they are punishing you for their beliefs. It probably has nothing to do with you personally, but their hang ups. Just be happy and know it's not you they are actually upset with. And keep in contact with them. Even if they don't return you're calls, mail you cards, etc. Then maybe they will feel bad about treating you that way and come around eventually. It's great that you're parents accept it.

Answer 5

You will just have to suck up and deal with the fact that some people are bigots and that your grandmother and aunt are a couple of them. If you and this guy love each other enough to start a life together then go for it. No one has the right to tell you what color of skin your life's partner should have.

Answer 6

Well I can just say if u really love him then I am sorry to say but u just have to try to get along with your grandma and if not u have to chose between your love and your family if. Youi choose your love then you have to let your grandmother go. She will realize that she mad a mistake and so will your aunt but all you can do now is just pray to God and ask him to change her mind i don't know wether u are spiritual or not but to me that would be what i would do just pray and seek for the answer!

Answer 7

You cannot change how people feel about anything. If she cuts you off from her life then it's her choice and her loss. Live your life in a way that makes you happy. In a mixed marriage you will always have some folks that are not going to like it on both sides of the family. Don't worry be happy and perhaps in time your family will come around. Good Luck

Answer 8

You will just need to give it time. Your grandmother and aunt love you and when they see you are happy they will come around. They need to realize that this is your decision and you cannot base it on their feelings. Explain this to them but tell them how much you love them just the same. Best of luck in your marriage.

Answer 9

One of the hardest obstacles for humans to overcome when it comes to emotions.....is the family......This is a major step in your emotional development as a human....many times people have pre-concieved ideas of how a younger fsmily member should live their life.......the sad thing is the fact that grandma and Aunt Betty don't really care about your happiness.....they only care about what people are going to think about them.....being related to someone who is in an inter-racial marriage....they are putting their emotions first which is a pretty shelfish thing to do when it comes to a family members happiness.....wouldn't U agree? Although Grandma and Aunt Betty are family they are still people first and foremost.....and as U know by looking in the newspaper everyday.....people stink......especially ones that are shelfish and care only about "how they feel"....their houses U R not welcome in anymore are probably a drag to go over to anyway.....look at it as a blessing.....if Mom and Dad and immediate Family are cool then just accept that and realize that everyone in your family that deals with Grandma's and Aunt Betty's useless Drama is just getting sucked into their black hole....UR lucky....good things always come wrapped in crappy packages......U don't have to deal with them anymore....its like U became immune to their negativity and emotional shelfishness

Answer 10

I grew up with a bigoted grandfather - he sat me down one day and said to me, "If you ever marry a black man, not only will I kill you, but I will DISOWN you." ?????
Anyway, sometimes you just can't help with whom you fall in love, and if you want to marry this person, do it. Your grandmother is your grandmother, but she also needs to understand that it's your life. You can decide to either just go over her house without hubby or stay away - that's your choice. But whatever you decide, good luck. I will pray for your situation.