I knew gong into my marriage that my wife could not have intercourse due to endometriosis. So, I have not had sex at all since 1997. I'm 42. My wife offers and it not receptive to any type of sexual contact. I really hadn't planned on that. We did have plenty of "fun" whle dating, but since 97....nothing. I love my wife but have to admit to myself that I want sex. If not with her, which I would prefer, than with someone else. I haven't acted on this urge but doubt I would resist if the opportinity presented itself. I am feeling VERY FRUSTRATED!
2006-10-07 14:30:36 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She is not receptive to any sexual contact whatsoever. Se won't even cuddle up in bed.
2006-10-07 14:36:26 · update #1
Are you sure she can't have intercourse with endometriosis. I have endometriosis and it is not a problem for me. I beleive you should not have sex outside of your marriage. You married for better or worse and the emotional situation of introducing another into your life would only cause problems. I think your wife should try to please you in other sexual ways if she "truely" cannot have intercourse. If she loves you, she will. If she refuses, then she is selfish and not looking out for your feelings. It concerns me that ANY woman would agree to let her husband have sex with another woman.
If she won't even cuddle in bed...then you have a loveless marriage. There are deeper problems here than just sex.
2006-10-07 14:36:55 · answer #1 · answered by rcpaden 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion is to do some research yourself on endometriosis. Since 1997--thats nine years, dude!--she should have gotten some form of relief through her medical professional. There are meds and surgery, if need be. Find out what her doctor has recommended for her treatment options. Go to the doctor with her!!!! Nine years is a long time for her to not be interested in sex---cuddle time or full blown intercourse. Maybe she has other psychological issues that are preventing her from feeling sexually attractive....if she is overweight now but wasn't before the endometriosis got so bad then she won't feel very attractive. Was she a "sure of herself" kinda girl before? You said you had "fun" during the courtship....what kind of fun and is it something you feel comfortable talking to her about bringing back to your relationship now? How you approach her about this subject is directly dependent upon your overall relationship and the manner in which you speak about it. DO NOT have a conversation about sex in the bedroom with the lights off!!!! That's a big no-no--too much pressure on her. Think "performance anxiety". If its hard for you to broach the subject do so in the car where its just the two of you in private but you don't have to look each other squarely in the eye. Getting back to the manner in which you approach---do not be defensive.. saying things like "I need" and "I want" will only make her feel even more inadequate and like she's failing the marriage. She knows that as a man you need sex. She probably isn't receptive to sexual contact at all because she is feeling pressure to be the "woman" that society tells her she should be. By avoiding the situation altogether she feels like she's in control----because I'm sure she is feeling out of control of the endometriosis and how IT controls her life. Ask her if she misses the intimate contact that you shared in the early stages of your relationship. Intimate contact is the hugging, kissing, flirting, teasing that we do as we get to know our new partner. And it ideally gets better as the relationship matures. If she says she misses that, then suggest that you both see the doctor together to discuss treatment options to make her life easier and to aid in the intimate relationship. The doctors see this all the time. You are not alone. I've seen it in my circle of friends plenty of times. The key in this situation---as in most situations-----is open, honest communication. Good luck.
2006-10-07 21:58:55 · answer #2 · answered by j05gemini 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course you would be frusterated, but if you loved her and you have been married to her and you realize that there is a reason you can have intercourse with her you should accept that. You were put into this marriage, you cant just leave because of sex. Thats not what it is all about. you hve to understand its not her fault. So dont go around having intercourse with other women. You should stil have the same feelings for her as you did in the beginning sex or no sex.
2006-10-07 21:34:43 · answer #3 · answered by aricalyn10<3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are more and more treatments everyday for this condition. It sounds to me like you need to have a talk together with her doctor. Something should seriously be done. You cannot be expected to keep going like this and have a happy and healthy marriage. I am surprised you have hung in this long! You may contact me by email if you would like concerning a treatment that is a little bit unconventional but has worked wonders for my friend with the same problem. Hope it all gets better!
Just read your update.....Really, if she isn't willing to show you any affection then it sounds more like marriage counseling is what you need. Some women use conditions like this to not be intimate with their partners. If this is the case, you are up a larger wall than just endometriosis!!!
2006-10-07 21:36:27 · answer #4 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My next door neighbor in college had endometriosis. Due to the very thin walls in the dorm, I can tell you that she had no difficulty whatsoever in having sex. She is now married with 2 children. I would suggest finding a support group or sex therapist.
2006-10-07 21:34:30 · answer #5 · answered by songbird 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dyspareunia (painful sex) is among the top 5 symptoms of Endometriosis. With proper treatment, however, that and many of the other painful symptoms can be successfully treated.
Surgery using the modality of excision can confer the best possible rates of long-term successful relief. Check out www.centerforendo.com for details on excision. It is imperative to have surgery performed by a true Endo specialist and not some Average Joe Gyn who once took a weekend laser course.
Lupron injections and the other hormonal ilk like it are temporary relievers, at best, all of which carry significant side effects and no lasting relief. All of them also kill the libido, among other side effects.
There is no cure for Endometriosis. There are ways to treat it successfully, but there are no absolute cures, including hysterectomy. Visit www.endocenter.org for the most current info on the disease.
I definitely recommend you and your wife visiting and joining (for free) http://groups.yahoo.com/group/erc for the latest and most accurate info on Endo, along with some terrific support. For you personally, I recommend MENDO (Men Who Love Women With Endometriosis) at http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/mendomen.
Good luck to you both...help is out there.
2006-10-10 12:37:01 · answer #6 · answered by Endo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried talking to her?? There must be a reason other than her disease that is making her not so into sex...find out what is it, maybe she is self conscious about something, or maybe even she is not satisfied!! Ask...couldn't hurt! but definitely don't tell her that you want to have sex with other people. I am really against that. If you are married you are married. If you want other people you should separate, not do it while you are in the relationship!!
2006-10-07 22:45:14 · answer #7 · answered by Pebbles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Discuss this with her and with a therapist or counsellor.
Honestly, the marriage has become a friendship. How much
you value Your sexuality vs Your relationship.....
However I would end the marriage before becoming involved with anyone else.
Sounds like there may be more to her sexual position/reasoning....have an open mind..........
2006-10-07 21:51:57 · answer #8 · answered by Keanu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is more here than just the endomitriosis if she wont even cuddle ... many women who are sexually frigid will STILL CUDDLE as that kind of intimacy is more meaningful to them than sex. sorry but your story doesn't ring true unless 1) she was raped and thinks you will leave her, 2) you have cheated and she caught you or knows about it or, 3) you have given her an STD. if 2 and 3 are honestly false (you have been faithful), then what i see is a typical post-rape reaction and she needs therapy
2006-10-07 21:56:32 · answer #9 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your wife about your feeling of frustration. It's understandable what your feeling, but your marriage vows said that you both would stay "together" in sickness and in health and in good times and bad. I think after talking to her, suggest seeing a marriage counselor. My advice, if she "truely" can't have sexual intercourse, try other means of sexual pleasure. But don't commit adultery.
2006-10-07 21:38:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋