My husband stays home with my 6 month old and hates it..?

Question

He basically is home because I have a better more stable job. He messed around in his twenties and didn't finish school so his job situations haven't been good at all. Now he complains because staying home with the baby is a lot of work. We take turns keeping her at night and I help out immediately when I get home from work. I know how much work a baby is because I stayed home with her for 5 months. (I just went back to work so he's been doing the stay at home dady thing for a month.)

Answer 1

The trick here is to change the both of your attitudes. Try and view your situation positively.

First, consider giving your husband a break. He doesn't have boobs so your baby will get frustrated, especially if you breast feed (or fed). Also remember that you are BOTH operating on broken up sleep schedules. You will both get cranky. Remember that when you are ready to snap at each other.

Your husband has an opportunity to bond with your child that previous generations of dads have not had. On one hand, this is part of his frustration- society's idea that the man brings home the bacon. This will even get to enlightened men. He'll have to get over that issue himself. But the awesome part is getting to see your baby development. He has the chance to know your baby's personality as it blossoms. It happens so quick that he really needs to focus on the great opportunity he has. Get him a digital camera and tell him to take pictures of your baby all day. Go hiking in the park. Find "mommy" groups to bring your baby to. These groups are often happy to take in "daddies" and it's great to socialize your baby. It will also open up your babysitting options.

The most important thing to remember is that your baby will feed off your frustrations and negativity. Getting mad never calms your baby down (or your marriage). Keep your mind on the positive and relax if you want your baby to relax. (I know! It's really hard at 4am when your baby is screaming! Ahhh! But calm yourself and your baby will get calm faster.) Forget about how your husband didn't focus on a career, focus on what a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity your husband has to know your baby.

Frequently tell your husband and baby that you love them. That's always nice. I hope my answer helps you.

Answer 2

I stayed home for 6 months, then went back to work because I was afraid that my husband was going to come home and tell me he quit (he hated working where he was at). So I figured I would go back and he could stay home. He did that for 2 1/2 years. When it was time for him to go back to work, he was SO picky. The pay was not good enough or he was not going to drive 40 mins away. I drove that much every day, but that was just TO much for him. I am being sarcastic here. Anyway, that was the biggest mistake I have made. I should have not have let him stay home. For 8 years, he has changed jobs so many times because of his pickiness. Which forces me to make sure I have a stable job. When he was in a bad mood from "having" to be home, I knew that the kids were on his nerves and that is no good for the kids. I know this is of no help, but maybe you can get something out of my experience.

Answer 3

IT seems that it takes guys maturity , I dont mean like coming home every day and not stopping at a bar .. or over spending . I mean like understanding that allthoguh this isnt fun .. THE end result is what this is about. Bonding and caring for your baby .. EVER JOB IS HARD .. every one ... He is a guy ... They dont get it . I dont know why they dont get it they just do not. My husband is finally getting it now... third baby. I have three under 5 everyday. If he has a schedule feed baby at 9 every morning .. Turn on clifford... put baby down at 12noon take tha baby to the park .. Pretty soon he will have a schedule .. It wont be so hard. Its scheduling ... I do this every day with three babies under 5 .. I cant stand it some days .. but I am in my own home ... I can sit on the couch .. I can sleep when my kids sleep. I can watch tv all day if I want... But i can understand.. take college classes at night ... have goals.. know that this isnt going to be forever .. just a little while... i do this i know what it is ,,, tell him to get a schedule and have a plan for his future job. this way it doesnt seem endless or hopeless good luck

Answer 4

I was a stay-at-home parent and I was very depressed, so I know where he's coming from. I did find it easier after the first 6 months, so hopefully it will get easier for him too. But, the reality is now the result of his foolish youth - he probably can't get a job that would pay even enough to put her in day care. Maybe he can find some parent-infant activities he can get out to during the day. We have some stay-at-home dads in our neighborhood and my BIL is one. Depending on where you live, it may not be as unusual as you think. Anyway, my SIL was a stay-at-home parent and she said play groups saved her life (mentally) so maybe he can join or start a play group.

Answer 5

Your husband obviously doesn't or won't understand what it means to be a father. He helped create this life in the first place, so he should have known what kind of work it would be to take care of it. If he is so unhappy with taking care of the baby, tell him you can quit work so he can get a job, or you both can work out some arrangement so he can go back to school.

Answer 6

Tell him to suck it up and deal. I'm sure you would love to, but someone has to make the money. This same type of thing happened with me. I made more money and I was in school when I had my son. My husband stayed home with my son and complained daily. I finally decided it wasn't worth the stress anymore and I quit my job and let him go to work. My dad kept him while I went to school 3 days a week and my husband the other 2 days. Our son is almost 5 now and he says sometimes he really wishes he would have stayed home with him. You don't realize what you are missing until its gone. Kellen is off to bigger and better things now. And while he loves us with all his heart we aren't the center of his world anymore. Tell your husband she will be grown up soon enough and he won't get to spend time with her like he has to chance to now. She will be "BUSY" and have no time for him. He'll really regret it if he gives up this chance now. GOOD LUCK!! Guys just don't get it.

Answer 7

I agree that if he is caught up in not liking staying home, then he's not going to do a good job of tending to her, no matter how good intentions he had.
See if you can make arrangements to have someone else care for her WITH the stipulation that he be taking college courses or be paying for daycare with his job. You shouldn't have to give up your job because he failed to understand that being a parent is hard work.

Answer 8

I'd say he needs to do a little growing up. Taking care of your child, while hard at times, is a great experience. If it seems to bother him that much then I would look for a reliable sitter for your child. If he thinks it's too tough to the point where he says he doesn't like it, that would concern me. My husband jumps at the opportunity to stay with our son. He thoroughly enjoys it. Suggest he go to the park with the baby or go for a walk. Maybe actually going out with the baby will kind of perk up his attitude. Best of luck.

Answer 9

he should just shut up and deal thousands and thousands of women do it every day and for 18 years not 1 month dont feel sorry for him you didnt get pregnant on your own. and anyways your working and then coming home and taking care of the baby hes only taking care of the baby what does he have to complain about

Answer 10

If he doesn't like it, then I think you might find it better to put her in daycare. If he's not enjoying himself he's not going to put a lot of energy into playing with her or eventually teaching her new skills. I hope you can find a daycare in your price range, possibly part time and he could have some time away from the house (maybe to go back to school to improve his job outlook?)