How do I cope with all this stress? I have a two and half yr old son, work 30 hrs a week, and have 5 classes?

Question

I go to school at a major university. I live in a 3 bdrm apt with my fiance, with whom I have a 2 year old with. I'm going to school to be a school teacher, but I can't BREATHE! I'm suffocating and just simply overwhelmed. My fiance consistantly calls me lazy despite the fact that I work, go to school on Tues and Thurs from 8am - 4pm (thats five classes back to back NO BREAK inbetween any of them) , and take care of our two year old son. Instead of coloring and playing with my son, my fiance would rather me clean house and have a meal prepared by the time he gets home (ranging anywhere from 4:30pm to 7pm - depending on what time he gets home). He's honestly a good man, but I'm hurt by his words and his lack of understanding. I need perspective and I need to know what I can do to cope with the tsunami of work that is drowning me.

I know teachers have an extremely high workload with little payoff and I'm afraid I'm not up for the job, though I love the profession.

The university, though fairly large, does not have a child care facility. I've been to the mental health facility and they recommend "taking control" and realizing I have options. I already understand that I have option. What I NEED are ways to cope with a highly stressful school semester and ways to just...push through. I want to prosper and do well. I am extrememly intelligent, I participate everyday in all of my classes so I tend to stand out, and I am dedicated to school. My fiance wants more than anything for me to "hurry up and finish school", but I find it hard to finish school with the workload that I, according to one answerer, "CHOSE" to take on (uh yeah, thanks for your "advice"). I don't have much sympathy from anyone, and I'm not looking for it....I'm looking for EMPATHY and people who have been in similiar situations. There are people who have suffered through much more than I and have prospered as functional, caring adults. My question is, how do I get there?

Answer 1

Does the college have a child care center for student's children?
Go to the university's mental health (or health) office and explain how you are feeling. They may have solutions for you.
Lay it on the line with the fiance, say "I'm having second thoughts about continuing in our relationship when I see how unsupportive you are in this situation." Tell him, you have to give up some activities (or you'll have to give up him).
It may be that he is jealous of your effort to improve your life and is subconsciously sabotaging you.

Answer 2

You need to either cut back on your work or take less classes. Is their a day care where you can qualify to get free or very reasonable child care so you don't feel like if your neglecting your child. I know i work 55 hours a week and I'm a single mother with a 6 and an 11 year old. In between ballet and Boy Scouts i don't have time for myself. My mother thinks I'm lazy cause my house is not supper clean and I'm relaxing and watching t.v. with my kids. A teacher told me it's better to live in a messy house than in a miserable house. Good luck it's not easy i know

Answer 3

Oh I can see where your stress is coming from and its not school, work, or your son.

It seems like you have a plan for life, which is great. The most important think in managing all those tasks are time management. I believe if you had the support from your fiance then you wouldn't be struggling as hard as you do.

I wouldn't end my career and education if he isn't willing to help. It really sounds like the both of you need to sit down and figure out your expectations of what you both need from each other prior to getting married, cause it won't get any better. Maybe if he's cleaning up and spending more time with his son, more would get accomplished.

Let him know clearly what you need help with. If he isn't willing to do so, then you may need to clear out some of the extra weight in your house...meaning him. You shouldn't have to be the only one stuggling or sacrificing within the household.

We all have options, but you need to remember what is going to be best for you and your child in the long run.

Good luck

Answer 4

I am in your situation right now: school, work, taking care of a 2 year old & trying to keep my house in order. Here's what I have found to work: first, set goals for yourself. Nothing major, like, one of mine is to clean the downstairs twice a week. By setting little goals, I feel more accomplished each week.

Second, your child is more important than the housework. If your fiance disagrees, sit down and talk to him. Explain where you are coming from and exactly how you feel. I know this is so much easier said than done, but it will really help your situation. If having dinner ready is the huge ordeal, have you son help. Even at two, he can rip lettuce, stir the food, whatever. Get him involved and you can spend time while getting things done. I never got the dishes done here until I set my son down with bubbles in the kitchen and let him play while I worked.

Third, know that the end is in sight! It won't last forever, and you will love your work. The stress is worth the outcome. You will most likely make more than you would without an education and you will have summers off to spend with your son. (Yah!)

I hope this helps! Does your school offer on-line courses?? I took four over the summer. It got me a semester ahead, but I could do it at my own pace and stay home with my son.

And to those people who say this is what you "chose," you are choosing a better life for yourself and your family. You are working to help other children, maybe even their own. What you have chosen is NOT a bad thing. Best of luck!

Answer 5

I hate to break it to you but you chose this life. There are many paths you can take, but I would be smart to take of the two paths I am about to advertise to you. One) Either forget schooling and just go for a simple life job, and deal with the fiancee and kid. Or Two) you are going to have to sorrilly suck it up and remember that you chose this life, and couldn't have waited for another couple of years. You wanted it, you got it. Now, just try to want the stress away like getting the stress away.

Answer 6

I've been where you are with three kids minus the dickheaded comments. I'd like to let you in on a little secret about all of this that will help you make it through. Just take this one day at a time. There will be days when you think you won't be able to take even one more day like this. There will be times when you want to curl up in a little ball and cry. But, you will finish school and you will love teaching, I know I do. What you need to focus on is the light at the end of the tunnel.

That being said though, I don't know if I could have made it without the help and support of my husband who picked up the slack without complaint or criticism. Just an observation though, you choose your own man.

Good Luck

Sorry that wasn't very helpful of me, there are some things you can do to take the edge off the day to day stress. The biggest being try getting things ready the night before like your clothes and books as well as what your son needs for the day. It also helps to make dinner for the next day and have it in the fridge/freeze then, when you get home you can pop it in the oven. Voila, you have a nice hot dinner and time to play with the baby while its heating up!! Use one day on the weekend to get as much of your homework done as possible and the other to just enjoy your family and relax. You need to have time to unwind from the past week and get enough energy to make it through the next.
Another thing I found helpful was to not worry about all of my projects at once. Choose one, finish it and then go on to the next. Don't drag on an assignment for two weeks and then try to finish it up last minute. kDecide how long you're willing to spend on the project and get it done as soon as you can. This frees your mind of the project rather than letting it add to your general stress level.
The last thing I will say is try not to be riddled with guilt. I know how it feels to think that you are not spending the time with your family that you should be. This period of your life and theirs will be brief in the grand scheme of things and you will all survive and be happier in the long run. For now though, you're doing the best you can don't beat yourself up unneccesarily and add to your stress. Just enjoy what time you do have. Be in the moment when you are playing with your son and not thinking about all the other things hanging over your head.