love is a strong word can someone PLEASE help with this?

Question

i got back together with someone i dated in high school that i truly cherish. weve been together for a while now and were starting to talk about marriage and stuff and he bought me a ring he hasn't proposed yet but thats cuz the rings in layaway right now. he wants to be a preacher and to be his wife i would have to change my whole self. i mean i can't drink anything but wine and only every once in a while and i like to drink. we both smoke but he says we don't have to give that up but i can't cuss or listen to the music that i like which is stuff like eminem and icp. is this fair? if he loves me shouldn't he love me exactly the way i am? should he try to change me just because of his ambitions and dreams? or am i wrong and should change cuz i love him?

yeah no he won't marry me unless i change to his specifications

Answer 1

No one has the right to ask you to change. If you change, for good or for bad, it has to be your decision. Changing because of someone else will only bring bad feelings towards the relationship or the other person. Too many times people think that by changing they become better, but in reality they actually become worse. How can you even like yourself if you can't do things that make you happy.

My advice is not to compromise your principles, and don't compromise yourself.

Answer 2

What has to happen is that only God can judge and help balance an individual. The LORD meets us where we are, it is PEOPLE who put religiousity on our lifestyles. When you grow in Christ, you will let go of some things that you are desensitized to or that you are accustomed to. Other things will always remain a part of you. Tell your soon to be fiance that you are open to growth but he must let the LORD work, not his rules. If he trusts God (enough to be a preacher) that should NOT be a problem. Let him know that you are not rebelling, you just want to grow according to a balanced scale, not a forced scale. Yes, he should love you the way you are, but I think he's also listened to someone giving him guidance. As a believer, YES, you are more sensitive to some things. Sometimes I can stomach Eminem, some days I find nothing more offensive. (Well, Lose Yourself will always be an anthem of mine...) It is all called spiritual DISCERNMENT and it is a gift. Pray that you will receive more discernment and that will even help you communicate your concerns to your man. Bless you and congratulations on your upcoming engagement and marriage.

Answer 3

As a preacher's wife, you will have a certain amount of responsibility to the way that you portait yourself within the social context that your husband will work. You will have to have a certain amount of expected decorum. While going out to a local bar with your husband is cool (yes, even for a couple of drinks), there are many in the community that would frown upon this---it depends on the social values of the community in which your husband will be working---going out to a bar with friends does not portrait a 'good' wife. Wine with friends at homes or social gatherings is fine! Hard drinks are even ok, in moderation.

Albeit, he should also accept you for who you are. Listening to music that you enjoy should not be limited--I knew a priest that use to listen to the Stones--his favorite group. People are people and he needs to accept people for who they are.

A marriage is not a one way proposition---it is a compromise. If you compromise one way. If you bend totally now, you will always be bending and you will someday be resentful. These things, and others, need to be discussed now. And, he should be willing to do so and understand why...one of the jobs in being a priest is also helping couples to work out their issues and differences...if he cant do that with his own intended marriage, he, honestly, will have difficulties helping others later on.


**Added to your after post:

He is asking a lot from you....have you asked anything from him?? Compromise.

Answer 4

to me there is a difference in changing and become a completely different person. It sounds like you need to leave him for a little while and let him decide if he really wants you, or somebody compeletly different. Yes you would change for the better, but then again you have to WANT to change before you can. Do not get married until you are sure these issues are resolved because you will just get divorced 6 months down the road, and it wouldn't be worth it. Just listen to your heart because you are the only one who knows if this will work out and if it's worth it. good luck!!

Answer 5

Love changes everything. Those things he wants you to give up have nothing to do with the relationship wi th him of your love for him, those things are between you and the Lord. Until that time that you accept the ring and wear it, will be the time for you to really examine yourself and ask yourself it you are ready for the commitment of marriage to a preacher. If he studies his Bible, he will read that all those things you do are not against God's word so long as you don't do them in lust i.e., getting drunk. Your love for God will change a lot of things, not marrying him. However, I admire him for telling you upfront what he wants, now it's up to you, what do you want. Also, the don't he has laid out to you, are they conditions to whether or not he will marry you?

Answer 6

RUN!!!! If YOU have to make all these changes, then sorry to say but this relationship will not work! You asked a great question... "If he loves me, shouldn't he love me exactly the way I am?" What is your answer to that question? If it is yes, then think about all the rest of it... Seriously, he fell for you the way you are now, so why ask you to make all these changes? Because he sounds like he just wants to be in control.

Answer 7

I will say me and my wife like to have a drink once in a while to and listen to heavy metal. and we do cuss at times.
But in the Bible the wife of a minister or preacher is supposed to be different than the reg house wife. Others will look up to her for guidance and she also needs to be respectful of her husband and his wishes. And be respectful of the church.So by rights you need to give those things up. But do you love him enough to change your life for him to step into a life like that. The choice is only yours, If he was not going into the church like he is..then no he should not change those things about you..But a church life is total different. I hope your happy no matter your choice in life

Answer 8

love is strange but also a wonderful thing hun. no u shudnt change hun y shud u he takes u as u are or not at all. it takes 2 to make relationship work. if u dont want 2 give up ur pleasures then make it known now b4 u get tired 2 him and find out u cant do wot he wants u 2. think of you b4 him hun do wot u think is right 4 you not just bcus he sayes u must gud luck hun

Answer 9

The golden rule in any relationship is NEVER try and change your partner - you usually find that you can hate lots of things about a person but you still love them. Your partner can still follow his dream and you can still be the person you truely are - all you need to do is compromise on the issues.
Hope you find a resolution
Wishes n Dreams XxX

Answer 10

no he should love you the way you are...I hate to say this but here goes...he's a weak minded individual...there i said it...now that wasn't so bad was it? lol..sorry but this world has its share of weak mindedness I think anyone would agree. This in my opinion is one of them. Religion is something that has been w/ us since we were tribal nomads...and I think it's time we moved on...to learn to depend on ourselves...not some invisible being that exudes all power yada yada...there may be more to life than meets the eye granted...but to dedicate ones self to this theory other than in a scientific regard seems illogical to me..i feel that you will also feel the repercussions of this relationship should you decide to go through w/ it...try to find someone w/ a little more normal viewpoints and i think you'll be alot happier for it...good luk 2 u..