sitting alone,
weighting for llove
still standing here but getting lost
no one around me to give advise
nobody likes me
and thats not nice
im an average person, seeking 4 love
from day to day, night to night
sleeping all day
staying up all night
surronded by boys
torrmenting, and immature
looking for love,
in wrong places
i know its not that good, but hey
2006-10-07 12:43:49 · 22 answers · asked by Des'ree is how to spell my n 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
its true, i got rejected, im sad but i have to get over it
2006-10-07 12:51:08 · update #1
good ideas but mind if I rewrite?
**************
no one around to give me advice
sitting alone - waiting for love
nobody likes me - and that's not nice
day to day, night to night
I'm an average girl looking for love
never seeing a glimpse of light
looking for love in all the wrong places
all around me boys tormenting me
with their immature faces
2006-10-07 12:54:01 · answer #1 · answered by ♪ ♫ ☮ NYbron ☮ ♪ ♫ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's a sad poem.Sometimes when you stop looking that's when love will show up BUT you may want to take a good look at yourself and ask your self what kind of person do you want to spend your life with. If the answer is someone who is honest hardworking, someone with integrity, someone who will cherish you and be kind to you. Then that is the way you need to present yourself to the world.No matter what,you have to love yourself and treat yourself with respect. Because what you put out to the world is what you get back.It's ok to have fun, but do not let boys use you. You deserve much better.
2006-10-07 20:08:38 · answer #2 · answered by coco 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it could be better...
but hey, it could be worse too!
it would be a lot better w/out all the errors and bits of song lyrics in it.(sleeping all day, staying up all night is from yellowcard's 'ocean avenue' and looking for love in wrong places is way too similar to looking for love in all the wrong places)
oh and one more thing... its kind of annoying how some parts rhyme and others dont... you should make it more consistent.
good luck with your writing... you seem pretty good. sorry for all the criticism...
2006-10-07 20:01:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey desee, liked your poem. try leaving your group from time to time desee, and try heading out on your own more often. lunch-breaks, shopping, trips into town, train travel, bus travel, workmates etc, all offer opportunities to practice, and polish up your flirting skills. mixing to much with immature, schoolboy nit-wits is like standing on a thistle and dying of boredom. if youre young, old or anywhere in between, but most importantly female, then discretely and skilfully practice these skills and the results you will get will stun you with joy. from that point there-after, its up to you to pick and choose the one that you want. --- happy hunting desee.
2006-10-07 21:48:56 · answer #4 · answered by peanut 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
being a poet i thank that's a very good start. but i would really watch your spelling because with different spelling it can mean something totally different. i also wouldn't use 'and' to start a stanza(new line for your poem) other then that its very good, and descriptive.
2006-10-07 19:51:33 · answer #5 · answered by malinda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds abit emo,but you're off to a good start!
Good luck and keep on doing your poet thing!
2006-10-07 19:58:11 · answer #6 · answered by Myaloo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could use a tune up but it was better than the one I read by Susannah, hers really stank! Yours has feeling, but needs to be worded better!
2006-10-07 19:51:07 · answer #7 · answered by fatiima 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your poem is very good. Don't stop writing poems you have a talent.
2006-10-07 19:46:43 · answer #8 · answered by Lindsay A 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when u get knocked down ull be that much stronger when u stand back up
2006-10-08 00:02:55 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its alright
your making your point
you haven't really fell in love yet
2006-10-07 19:46:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋